I need help dealing with mid life pregnancy

Suzie - posted on 03/29/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I just turned 43 and have been experiencing symptoms of peri-menopause (night sweats, insomnia, moodiness, etc) and am SHOCKED to discover I am pregnant. At least that's what the home test says. I have an appt. next month to find out how far along exactly, since my periods have been irregular as well. I am a grandma. How can I be having a baby at this stage of my life!?!?!?!

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Krista - posted on 03/29/2012

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If you take good care of yourself, you will still have excellent odds of having a perfectly healthy baby. Yes, the odds of something going wrong ARE higher, but the vast majority of pregnancies at this age ARE healthy.



And where you believe in God, that makes it a little easier for you to answer relatives. If anybody asks, just say, "Well, we thought we were LONG since done having kids, but evidently God/fate had other plans for us. It was definitely surprise for us too, but it's never a bad thing for a new baby to be born into a loving home."



Why now? Who knows... fate has a way of throwing us curveballs, just when we think we've got a straight road ahead of us. Parenting will be very different for you than it was 16 years ago, but I'm sure you'll do just fine, and will probably enjoy this baby even more, as you'll be unburdened by a lot of the insecurities and worries that younger and/or newer mothers have. You've been to this rodeo already -- you know what you're doing.

User - posted on 10/09/2012

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I am 44 and my husband is 57. We have a 24 year old son and 23 year daughter from my previous marriage and my son is now the father of a beautiful 6 month old baby boy...so I too am I a grandma! Five years ago my husband and I stopped trying after about two years and then threw caution to the wind. I too am peri-menopausal and each subsequent cycle confirmed our suspicions that we were infertile and so we really threw caution to the wind. Because "there's an app for that," I track my cycle faithfully and ever record our "love connections." So, when the 26th day of my cycle came and went, then the 27 day, then the 28 and so on...I just knew something was different this month. I took a test on Sunday and much to my dismay...We are still reeling from the shock and are scared out of our ever loving minds. We do wish this had happened 7 years ago --- the idea of being a 60 year old mother to a 15 year old child --- well, it's a terrifying idea.

Brittney - posted on 03/29/2012

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My mom thought the same thing when she was pregnant with me. She was 42 going on 43, but she never took a test to find out, at 3 months she had that baby bump and went to a doctor, sure enough she was pregnant. She had a daughter, 19, who had a 2 year old daughter, a son, 20, with no children, a step son, 17, with no children, and a step daughter, 21, with a 3 year old. My parents were shocked but they were going through 'empty nest' and a baby is just what they wanted anyway. My mom was a chronic smoker and forced herself to stop, she was not considered high risk (maybe back then they had different standards). Their church organized a baby shower and they got everything they would need. You are not the first woman to be going through this. I in fact loved having children around my age to grow up with, it really helped our familial ties. Like Krista said, some women wait to have their first babies this late. (they have settled into a home, have plenty of money to raise a baby...etc.) Good luck!

Krista - posted on 03/29/2012

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You aren't the first woman to have a "change of life" baby, and you definitely won't be the last. I can imagine that this is a huge shocker to you, though. 43 isn't outlandishly old to be having a baby, though -- there are some women who have their FIRST babies at that age.



As far as what you do, though -- that is up to you. Only you can decide if having this baby is the best choice for you and your family. It might not be so bad, though. My dad had my brother when he was 42. And he's now 65, and my brother is grown, and my dad said he actually found it nice to have my brother around for company, long after his two daughters were grown up and gone.

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Suzie - posted on 03/29/2012

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Thanks, Brittney. It is helpful to hear from women like you and Krista. I am just a bit overwhelmed right now, with this news and my husband and I agreed to wait before telling anyone, so I am feeling very alone. I have had miscarriages in the past, and with my advanced age, I worry that I will let everyone know we are expecting and by the time we are done dealing with their shocked reactions, we might lose this baby and have to break that news as well. So it helped to be able to post something and recieve feedback from women who care. Being alone is the worst!! So thanks again!

It is good to hear from the perspective of someone who WAS the child born later in life for the parents, in addition to hearing from moms who are the ones having the babies! I guess I never thought about the aspect of my granddaughter having a playmate. I was too focused on the fact it will be awkward for her to be older than her aunt!

Suzie - posted on 03/29/2012

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Thanks, Krista. I realize that women do this intentionally, even plan for their first at this age, or have struggled with infertility and are just now able to concieve. But for me, this one is totally unexpected! I have a 15 yr old step son, a 16 yr old son and a 20 yr old daughter who is a wonderful mother to my 15 month old granddaughter. I have two big concerns: 1) my health and the risks for this baby, and 2) how do I handle the reactions of people in my life when they gasp at hearing this news? I am not concerned with the strangers who will undoubtedly voice opinions at the grocery store, but the close friends and family members who will ask "what are you doing having a child younger than your grandchild?!" and the like. I still don't know how to answer that question for myself, how will I do it for them when the time comes? Aborting the baby is NOT an option, regardless of any risks that may be involved. I know God has His hand in this. I guess I am just truggling with the "Why......now?"

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