I need help with a problem with my boyfriend and my son please.

H - posted on 09/19/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I need some advice. I am divorced and I have 2 children. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he is normally very supportive of my kids and attends their events and sports etc. We do live together. He is much more of a disciplinarian than my ex-husband, but he has never had kids of his own. I consider my boyfriend one of their close guardians. But it is very difficult for him to adjust to them not listening sometimes and I am the softie sometimes which doesn't help. He has yelled at then before, as have I, but the other night my son (8) was just not listening and my boyfriend had asked him to do one thing several times, but my son kept doing the opposite...so it had been a long day...and everyone was tired...my boyfriend finally had enough and got angry...he grabbed my son by the arm and put him into the bathroom so he would let him know it was time to take a shower...he didn't mean to do this, but my son kind of fell backwards...he was crying and it really sucked. I talked to my son...and he was upset but said he was fine. He really respects my boyfriend and really longs for his approval etc...which he gives him....but even though this wasn't abuse it just left a pit in my stomach...my boyfriend apologized to my son...but everything seems weird today...I know my boyfriend feels horrible, but I am not sure how I should handle this...should we all talk and have a real heart to heart? Should I stay with him? Is this just something that happens that some people wish they could take back...or should I be worried about the future? There are so many good things about my boyfriend and how he is with my kids...I just need some advice...thanks

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Michelle - posted on 09/19/2012

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I think you and your SO need to sit down and create some guidelines for discipline in the house you both have to be on the same page and both have to follow through, you can't just leave it up to your BF. The sit the kids down and explain to them the new rules and that they will be held accountable for their actions. This should help you resolve the not listening from the kids and help you and your BF avoid what happened again.

Lise - posted on 09/19/2012

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Accidents happen. When my brother was little and refusing to sit down in his high chair, my mom grabbed his feet and yanked them out. He ended up falling backwards over the chair and hit his head. She felt awful, and it was an accident even though it occurred because of her anger.



I would sit down with him and go over what is and isn't acceptable. For me, you just don't put your hands on my kid if you're angry. You are likely to harm them even unintentionally (and I don't believe in spanking), so you just aren't allowed to do it. Even I don't.

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H - posted on 09/19/2012

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I agree. ...b/c my BF always complains that it is like a mad house and it is so hard to be a part of it sometimes. I felt like we had ground rules, but my kids can be really challenging sometimes. Plus my ex really doesn't have any discipline going on at his place. THank you

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