I need help with my 14 year old daughter... I don't know what to do!

Christa - posted on 06/22/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hello, I am new to this and I don't have anybody who can relate to what I am going through around me so I am looking for advice. My 14 year old has been having issues since she was about 8 years old. It started with being hooked on Hannah Montanna and she would come home with these lunch bags with her on them and tell me they were givin to her but one day I got concerned and asked her if she was lying and she told me she found it in the slush on the side of the road on her way home from school. But the lunch bag was bone dry? So i got worried about her stealing them and I had the school keep a look out for things she would do and I got a phone call one day because she had seen a pair of Hannah montanna sneakers on the floor and she got caught telling her little friend to put them in her bag and that they were hers. So I asked for the cops to be called to teach her a lesson. that ended real fast but then she just started to have people pick on her at school and make fun of her for liking Hannah montanna so much. She stoped doing sthings that she once loved to do and she didnt go out side much but played on her computer and phone plenty but was telling a lot of lies for no reason like adding to storeys or just making up something tottaly untrue just to get a reaction out of us. After a while I couldn't believe much of what she said but I could usually pick out the truth from the lie but she got really good after a while. She started cutting herself and hid it from us for almost a year. I had no idea it was that bad. I guess from being picked on at school and people getting after her on the internet. Maybe she didn't want to come to me because I wouldn't believe her problems? I could never turn away a cry for help if I knew she was asking for help. Of corse I love my baby girl and would do anything for her. It has been years since this started that it grew into her seeing a psycologist and she is on prozac for depression and anxiety. She has 2 younger brothers who she is aweful to a lot. But my oldest son is very soft hearted and lets her hang arond him and she has him cursing to people he don't know and he lets her put make up on his face and streightens his hair then takes his picture on snapchat and shares it. He is 10 years old and he tells me that he lets her do this to him because it's the only time he is nice to her. She calls me from school almost every day and tells me that these kids are taking pictures of her and calling her names or they are saying bad things about her brother and when i ask for the hole story it changes because i will call the guidence councler to go talk with her. She is trying to go home every day so she makes up lies and if we dont believe her she gets all mad and threatens us with doing self harm in the school bathroom or commiting suicide there. I don't understand why she is doing this to us every day it's the same thing. We get her calls and we call the school to try to solve it and the school tells us that she is hanging out with all these kids who she tells us are bullying her. We get her home and she is all happy again like nothing happened. I don't know what to do or think anymore. I believe she has a problem and she needs help she sees a doctor every week and she is on medication but with all this lying and making stuff up. Of corse it goes deeper than that but i am close to the end of my rope with her... Please help me.....

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Andrea - posted on 06/23/2015

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I totally understand your problem I am dealing with almost the same thing only mine is a boy I do believe though that's its a cry for help maybe you can try setting a day occasionally where you and her have girls day out even a simple manicure/ pedicure go out for some ice cream but make that moment about her try softening the mood a little and see if you can get her to open up promise her for the next half an hour you want her to talk to you tell you what is bothering her and what ever it is regardless you won't get upset and who knows she might talk to you .

Candie - posted on 06/23/2015

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I understand, about the secrets; she gets her doctor-patient confidentiality. That is why sometimes family counseling works. It gets the entire family involved in the healing process.

I'm sorry, I know this is hard. We don't want to see our kids struggle. Maybe the move will help her? New kids and a new psychologist might help as well. I'll pray for your family. May you be guided in these next steps. *Hugs*

~Candie~ with an -IE

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Andrea - posted on 06/23/2015

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Okay I hope you find the answer but take it slow you don't want to push too hard or else she will close that window too so don't give up plus you have to remember she is going through that early teen stage.

Christa - posted on 06/23/2015

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We spend a lot of time together, just the 2 of us. We go to the mall and look at clothes and I recently got her ears pierced 2 times in each ear within 3 weeks of each other. She has been spending time with me at the new place getting it ready and we watch movies and tv together. She seems to open up with me somewhat but I know shes keeping most of it from me. I do want to help her but she will only let me look in the window, she wont open the door. I hope she snaps out of it. She has an appointment with her psychologist tomorrow, maybe I will chat with her and come up with something new to try to get her to open up with me. But usually i don't get a chance to because she tends to seem like she is in a really low place on appointment days and it worries her doctor. But I feel like it has to do with maybe her being bored with the doctor? I don't know just my thought on it. but I will see about having a chat with her.

Christa - posted on 06/22/2015

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Yes she is still seeing her psychologist once a week and yes we are moving so she will be going to a school with all kids she don't know. As for something happening, her grampy passed away when she was 7. She took that pretty hard. She had to write a letter to him as home work from her psychologist. Not sure what came of that as it is kept secret. I feel like I should take things from her when she acts out like her phone or her laptop but I am afraid that if I do she will start cutting again or maybe do something worse. I can handle the cutting but there is always that worry. I just wish she knew what she is doing to us. I know she can't help it but I wish I could figure this out. I am so lost with this because it is a hard thing to deal with .

Candie - posted on 06/22/2015

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Is she still seeing the psychologist? What do they recommend? Maybe try a different counselor? It sounds like there are unresolved issues. Was there something dramatic that happened to her at 8 years old? Maybe family counseling?

I would try to do all I can for her. Would a change in school be helpful? Private school? Homeschool? I don't know what exactly would help her, but I would keep trying till I figured it out. I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

~Candie~ with an -IE

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