I need help with my marriage! My husband does not respect me :(

Gigi - posted on 11/07/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




So where do I begin? I am in a situation right now with a one year old baby and a husband who is not into me. He states he has lost respect for me and we basically are just roomies. He sleeps on the floor and I bed share with baby. He blames everything on me and my mom. We had problems before so I don't buy his excuses. We haven't been intimate since baby was conceived. He calls me lazy and gets angry and snaps at me and yells in front of our daughter. I don't want her to exposed to this. He is jealous of the relationship I have with my mom and family. I made a mistake and called my dad once while we were having a big fight and he was really saying hurtful things to me and I didn't know what else to do. He's upset I involved my parents and he can't get over it and is blaming my mom for some of our problems so he is completely avoiding her at all costs. My mom is hurt and doesn't understand what she did. He is acting like a baby in my opinion. I have such great resentment toward him. I'm mad he is hurting my mother. I'm upset when he raises his voice and calls me names. He doesn't know all i do during the day with cleaning and cooking and trying to get baby to nap (so challenging!) when I ask for help he says want me to nurse her to? He is such a jerk and I wish he would see all that I do and appreciate me. He claims he is not attracted to me cause I'm always nagging and negative. I am...and I'm working on that. But that doesn't mean use sex as a tool to control me ?! I'm so angry at him. No matter what I do he will find something bad to say and I'm tired of this failing marriage. I go to my parents as a retreat and to breathe but he complains I'm keeping his baby away from him. We need counseling for sure I just don't know if he will change. I get tired of being rejected and he was like this before baby was born. It's just getting worse. Am I stupid for staying with this man for baby's sake? My mom tells me I need to fix it for baby's sake and I want to but at times he makes me so mad and I resent him so that I don't wanna fix it. There's so much to talk about .....
He has issues with me procrastinating and putting things off. He says I am a psycho and need serious meds! He always brings up the past and blames my family for the way I am and bad mouths them during our arguments. He doesn't wanna even talk about our issues anymore ever and says he doesn't need to go to counseling. If I would just change everything would be better ...according to him. I've always been this way so he knew who he was marrying. I look for signs of him cheating but they are not there. I found out he has smoken pot in the past while he was married to me and did not mention this to me until I found out through his messages to my brother! This upset me a lot because he kept a secret from me and now I feel like he's lying to me and I always question if he was smoking or not even though he said he no longer does and that was also proved in one of his texts to my brother. But I can't help but doubting him. He says its like I'm trying to find something to fight about. I just want my loving husband back. He's great with the baby so no issues there. I just want some respect! Just because I chose to be a stay at home mom now doesn't mean I deserve this treatment !


Jodi - posted on 11/07/2015




You don't just stay with someone for the sake of a child. If anything, the relationship is a toxic place for your child to be. You want to be able to raise your child to understand that relationships are loving and caring, not that their mother is emotionally abused. Children of abusive relationships often become abusers or victims themselves because they never actually learn what a functional relationship looks like because of what has been modelled to them. Unless this man can change, then it's time to walk.

Would he be open to counselling? If he refuses, then it's time to end it. Don't stay around if he doesn't want to change (and refusal to go to counselling with you is indicative of his unwillingness to make changes in your relationship).

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