I need help with my teenage, adopted, foster children

Niki - posted on 05/31/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi. My ex husband and I adopted four of our foster children and he also adopted my birth son. All of my adopted children were placed with us as foster children at very young ages, from newborn to age four. Three of them are also biological siblings and when one does something...anything, the other two do it, too. We are dealing with them all becoming teenagers at about the same time and also reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, ADD, ADHD, depression, anger issues, lying, stealing, violence, food issues, and more. My ex husband and I are still close and we work together and talk often. I practice normal parenting and the problems increase. I try letting them do what they want and trying to talk to them about their choices and the problems increase. I am looking for advice, educational materials, websites with "good" information, and support. I really want to know that I am not alone in this more than anything. I want them to become great adults with healthy relationships and responsible lives but I feel like I am failing them. They go to therapy, see a psychiatric professional for family discussion and medication (low dose, "safe" prescriptions), and also see their pediatrician regularly. Is there a community where I can talk to someone? I feel like the classes we took almost thirteen years ago didn't even come close to preparing us for any of this.

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Maria - posted on 05/31/2014

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Sending you a hug, because this must be a hard time for you. As a mom I know you want to direct your children to the best of your ability, an this doesn't come easy. For me an my husband being part of a church has been a huge thing. It's not just attending church. It's being part of a community that is there for you, to listen to pray for you, to walk with you in hard an easy time. I encourage you to find a church that fits you an your family. Sometimes it can take visiting a few different ones till you find one that fits you an your family.

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Niki - posted on 06/08/2014

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You are probably right, Maria. My kids have studied religion recently and have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I have talked to them in the last few weeks about going to church but they do not seem too excited about it. I am currently looking for one that fits us and will hopefully interest them right away. I think meeting people and going to events will probably help all of us a lot. Thank you for your thoughts and hugs :-)

Niki - posted on 06/08/2014

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Thank you, Linda. I hope things get better for you and your daughter. Maybe becoming an adult soon will fill her with hopes and excitement and change things for the both of you. She may still need you a lot as she goes out on her own, but that in itself can make things wonderful between you two. Good luck to you both. Keep in touch if you would like. I would like to hear how things are going. You're doing a great job, Mom.

Linda - posted on 05/31/2014

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I am going through a similar situation with my 17 year old daughter. I am also divorced but have a good relationship with my ex with communication. She is taking medication and seeing a theripst. I often ask myself what happened to her to change her so or what did I do wrong but social workers have told me this is common for teens these days dealing with stress in everyday life. Things will get better.. Be the best mom you can be and give lots of hugs and an ear to listen.

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