I need help with my three year old being mean

Adina - posted on 01/22/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a three year old girl, and a seven month old girl. I just started watching my friend's little girl who is three. My three year old is very mean to her. Yesterday she bit her on the face so hard she still has marks. She also pulls her hair, and smacks her. I have tried time out, I have tired them no playing together. I need som help finding a way to break her from being so mean. She isnt mean to her sister, and she isnt mean to other kids she plays with. I need help soon because she will
be going to school in the fall, and I cant have her mean to the kids at school.

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Adina - posted on 01/23/2013

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I am not sure where she is learning to be mean. She isnt around fighting or anything like that. She shares well with other childern. I do always praise her in good things she does or says, I also have her say she is sorry, and I tell her to say why she is sorry. I have told her that if she contiunes to be mean that her friend cant come over anymore because she doesnt like it when you are mean to her. I havent tired the stories, I will buy some books, and also use her stuffed animals and show her. I know she knows how to be nice because she is nice to other kids. I now keep them in the living room to where I can watch them more closely, I have noticed that the other girl does push my daughter like aggs it on a little bit. And I correct both of them. And yeah its more like my daughter doesnt want her friend to play with current things or even play with her little sisters things. Yet she shares with other kids...so I am not sure whats going on, because they fight even when I am watching them.

Ariana - posted on 01/22/2013

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Is there a reason for your daughter to be mean? Is she trying to retaliate if the other child goes near her things or something like that?

I would simply keep the kids supervised to the extreme. So they aren't allowed to be left alone together.

Try to tell stories with animals about how to act, or a little monkey that was biting and making other kids sad and no one would play with him, then he learnt how to act and everyone was so happy (obviously with more detail). Sometimes 'backdoor' ways work better than trying to explain it's not nice to smack etc. Try to make sure she has the words she needs if she's upset with the other girl. Like saying how she's mad/upset.

Sometimes kids just don't get along. The best thing you can do is keep them supervised and continue getting your daughter in trouble if she's pushing/hitting the other girl. If you see a interaction that looks like it'sgoing to become aggressive try to stop it before it happens. After something happens have your daughter apologize but also go over what she should have said and have her try to make things up to the other little girl.

Also try to praise her when you see her being nice, or handling a situation properly. So if you see her give the other child a toy or play nicely tell her wow you are playing so nicely with so and so, you gave her your toy that is great sharing! You told her to stop touching my toy! Great using your words.

Good luck!

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