I Need My Own Life!!!

CHELSEA - posted on 06/09/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I recently have been just mentally fried I was young when I had my children and I never got to socialize or go out and now that I finally am mentally in a place where I want friends and want to do things I have two toddlers. I love them more than life but at this point I don't feel i'm any good for them when were home alone I cant interact with them the way I want. Im creaming for a different way. Some days I just want to take off. I feel like the worst person in the world for even thinking this way. I really need some help even though Im sure ill get nasty comments trust me id leave em if i were you I feel horrible about this. I never had friends or did thing sand now that Im closing in on thirty Im freaking out that I didnt get that time there are things I want and need to do mentally. I dont know what to do anymore. I have all theese thing inside me that just want to bust out like hiking or painting things ive never done. Im scared to tell anyone because I know my family will not understand and will probably hate me. I dont blame them I hate myself!!! I love my kids but I'm not good for them with where I am mentally.

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Gracey - posted on 06/09/2016

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I completely understand your frustration. I am the mother of a daughter now 27 who has Down Syndrome and Autism plus she is epileptic. I had her when I was 20, she has a older brother and a younger sister.
I am too nervous to leave her much with anyone since she is non verbal and her needs are that of a 2 year old. She depends on me for everything.
I have zero friends other than my husband who is working 80 hours a week to make up for the lost income of me. I was an RN but Chrissys last surgery deemed to much for anyone so I quit.
Im home all day and no one to talk to and picking up and walking out the door like every other 47 year old is not happening. My kids are all grown and I have grand children but I cant leave my house. I thought this would be my years to make up for all the time and activities I missed raising them.
Don't feel guilty because you want to still be you, You will see a break once they start school and you will be able to get involved in activities.
Unitl then, have you checked into daycare for maybe even one day a week to have a break? Will daddy watch them on a weekend day so you can join a painting class or do that hike?
Every parent needs a break, we love our babies. But we also have to take time to love our selves.
I hope you find a resolution soon. I would explain to your family how your feeling. You might be surprised at their reaction and desire to help.
Deep breath and keep smiling, it does get better

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