I need some important, serious advice.

[deleted account] ( 15 moms have responded )

Ok ladies, I know that it is late, but I just cannot sleep. I have been so stressed over this, that I just cannot get any good stretch of sleep, if I can even settle enough to fall asleep in the first place. So, my son will be 2 years old the 28th of April. I have noticed some things that have brought up quite a bit of concern as it would for any parent. Now, bare with me ladies, because this will be quite a lengthy entry, however, that is obviously why we are all here, to listen, and speak as mothers to mothers and share our experiences. So, I am going to share with you my experience. For starters, when I visit our OBGYN, she never lets me finish what I have to say, or share with her about my son, Connor, and his development, what milestones hes reached, etc. She is quick to interrupt before listening to what I fully need to tell her, and seems to just try to rush the appointments along as quickly as possible. Leaving me with little, to no answers. My son, Connor, will be 2 years old in just a few short weeks. He is only saying few words, such as 'mama, dada, no, out, go,' and those are literally about all he will say. I have tried everything, and I work with him hours on end through the day as I have since the day he was born. When he was younger, he reached all his milestones early. Holding his head up, cooing, grasping objects, eye contact, eating, laughing, smiling back, reaching, sitting up, rolling over, walking. But it has seemed since he hit the 16 months mark, he has showed a huge lack in development. This has really struck me out of nowhere because I try so hard for hours on end every day. I sit and repeat words, point things out, try to hold a conversation. Nothing seems to be working. Now, before anyone goes off saying " Autism Spectrum Disorder " my child has reached all the milestones EXCEPT talking. The thought of Autism crosses my mind every day. But at the same time, things will happen that make me reconsider that. Let me start off with the behaviors that make me think " Autism ". My son has an obsession with wheels, no matter what the object is, if it has wheels, its getting turned over and the wheels are getting checked out. However, checking out the wheels wont last long, and he will flip it over and return playing with it like a normal toy. Such as a ride on elephant he has. He will obsess over the wheels for a few minutes, then turn it right side up and get on and ride it with no problem. Tip toes: He will walk on his tip toes for a few minutes at random times. Its not a repetitive behavior, because he will do it spontaneously maybe once every few months. Same with spinning and strange hand movements that he does. He has melt downs over every little thing. Such as me shutting a door, because we are leaving that room. The bathroom especially. He screams BLOODY MURDER when bath time is over and fights to get back into the tub. It is the same with going outside. When it is time to come in, all heck breaks loose. Obviously, I cannot sit outside and play with him all day, because I have a household to keep up with, nor can I sit and let him turn into a prune in the bath. He throws things constantly. He does not make pretend play with his toys. But he finds amusement when me or his father play pretend with his toys. He has an obsession with laundry. And will find a piece of laundry, whether it be out of the dirty clothes or a freshly folded pile, and carry it around with him as if it were a lovie item for hours if I allow him. When I try to take it, who couldve guessed it, he has a complete breakdown. He has SO many toys that he shows no interest in. He would rather just run laps around the house. He doesnt get into things, or touch or break things like most children. I think this is due to me being around him every moment of his life. He isnt a very picky eater, as long as it smells good, he will finish a whole bowl of it and most times goes for seconds. He wont point to the things he wants, instead he will just sit and whine at me until after minutes of trying, I realize its not working, and give him the food, drink, toy, or whatever he is wanting. He is an only child. And my first and only pregnancy. He doesnt get much child interaction because I cant part with my little one or be away from him ( such as putting him in daycare ) and what is the point if I am a stay at home mom and have the time to dedicate to my son which is so much more important to him than a daycare provider would be. He will make eye contact for good periods of time, depending on what it is about. He will follow directions like 'close the fridge, bring mommy a book to read, turn the page, help mommy put your shoes on, raise your arms up so we can put the shirt on, turn on the light switch, lets put our toys into the toy tub' and will do all of them. I can get his attention most of the time. He is very affectionate, but with me only. I will set chopped up bananas, cheerios, and cheezits on his high chair tray, unsorted, and he will sort the cheerios one by one into one side of the highchair, the cheezits in the other corner, and the banana in the drink holder section. ( This is an example, he will do it with any snacks ) But he does eat them, and usually finishes them all. He will close the fridge door, he understands no, and will automatically stop what hes doing when I say no. He will take bugle chips and place them one by one on his fingers and then show me and eat them off one by one and gets tickled by it. When i hand him his comb, he will comb his own hair. He loves to have his hair blow dried with the blow dryer. He used to wave bye bye when he was younger, but has seemed to stop completely. He claps when he knows he has been a good boy and done a good deed. He will mock faces me and his father make. He can open doors just fine. He does high fives great. He will sit and roll a ball back and forth to me for as long as I roll it back to him. He will point to outside, and say out. He can feed himself with a spoon. Hes been drinking from a sippy since he was 9 months. He will only give me kisses. I make the kissy face and smooch sound at him, and he will lean in and give mommy a smoochy. During bath, he will scrub his own head during 'rinse time'. Most times he will respond to his name, depending on his mood. Sometimes he will glimpse at me out of the corner of his eye and smirk, because he knows hes ignoring me. He HATES diaper changes. Daddy shows him on a daily basis how to use the big boy potty. But instead he would rather stick his hand into dadas pee stream, or prop his little arms up on the side of the tub and pee on the side of the tub. I appreciate those of you who have taken the time out of your day to read this, and are interested in sharing your experiences and have a passion for helping moms as myself who just cant quite understand what is going on with our little angels. My son will show signs of Autism but then turn around and show signs of complete genius. I am not sure what to do at this point. Or how to feel. But i know as mothers, going through the things I am, you can give me help and support and truly feel what I am feeling as mother. I appreciate all of your time and replies more than youll ever know!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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Far out, apparently you can't even reassure someone their child sounds normal without them storming out of the room and deleting their account.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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But I am confused, because it is the OBGYN that is doing this, and OBGYN's are not doctors for children - this is not their specialty. So what does her pediatrician say? My point is, your post is confusing.

And remember this is an international site. You can't read "tone". You can interpret tone, but that doesn't mean it is there. Cultural differences will prevail. I gave advise not to be concerned. You didn't like the WAY I said it? It's a forum! People type!!
There have been no rude comments!! YOU are the one who interpreted the tone. A tone that was non-existent because it's a type written message (and probably from someone in a different country and different age group and different generation - you know, all those cultural factors you fail to be bothered with)!!!

*shakes head* talk about making shit up and then getting all butt hurt over it (now, there is tone.....just pointing it out for you so you can see the difference). The only rude comments up until now have been yours.

Livia - posted on 02/28/2016

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I think you are doing a very good job. Please remember that he is only 2. our son walked at 9 months, but didnt speak properly until he was 3 and a half, had no interest in a potty until about 3yrs old, and so i didnt bother....he then asked to use the toilet one day and went through the nights after 3 days of toilet use. We then did the same with our two girls, and one asked at 2yrs and the other had real 'angst' about it, and didnt use the toilet until about 3 and a half. We never made it an 'issue'..and none of them ever used a potty. Our son was 'below' average for years at school, never really played, never read books. Then at about 15yrs, he suddenly started studying. He got loads of A's and B's at GCSE level and is going to Uni in Sept. I obviously do not know the correct answers, but I am worried about your anxiety...I think it might help you if you speak to someone. Please enjoy him, he sounds like alot of boys of that age....if you have more children, you really do start to worry less...our third child has practically raised herself, because life was so busy when she came along, and she is the most 'rounded' of the three!!!! All the best.

MaryAnn - posted on 02/28/2016

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Most of this sounds pretty normal to me. My LOs first word was "this." Because between "this" and a tantrum, she never had much motivation to start speaking. It sounds like your son is capable, but his whining is working just fine for him.
Of course, this is just my opinion.
There is also a possibility he is shy/self conscious about being wrong... Or he could have a problem with his ears or throat or mouth or nerve passways...
I would suggest seeing a doctor about his speech, and positively reinforcing when he uses words you know he knows and gradually start expecting he uses his words first.

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[deleted account]

http://www.bransonclinic.net/

There ya go!!! As i STATED SHES ALL OF THE ABOVE! But you just know ALL about what youre talking about, right?! Because I just " MAKE SHIT UP " RIGHT?! Who in their RIGHT mind would just go about making shit up ESPECIALLY when it comes to their own children?! Also, I see you called my SON a 'her' in your comment? HA. Shows how little you pay attention. Obviously youre not on this site for its purpose. You dont even come on this site in true concern or seeking answers to questions you have, nor to help other mothers. You come on here to try to have some sort of fake social life over the internet. Thats sad, and thats just not for me. So yep, ill deactivate. ;) I however, came on to get answers that my sons DOCTOR ( you know, since she does it ALL ) has not been giving me in hopes another mother would share a similar experience. Instead you go around posting on people you dont even know and know NOTHING about trying to tell them all this bullshit. NOW whos the one shaking their damn heads? Im 21 years old. You ladies are HOW old?! Get outta here with that nonsense!

Dove - posted on 02/28/2016

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Yeah Jodi... how dare you try and reassure someone that her kid is likely just fine.... lol

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2016

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This post sounds VERY simular to another that was posted awhile ago about a mom that "thought" her child was autistic. When everyone was saying he/she was normal she still insisted that her child had a problem.

Bottom line is if you are concerned have your child evaluated. If you don't like how your doctor works switch doctors. Coming online to either have your fears validated or invalidated is going to lead you no where. If you are concerned then get a professional to look at it. They will either tell you there is an issue and get you started with services to help your child or tell you that your child is fine.

[deleted account]

I was after other mothers sharing their experiences and similar things they have went through. And again, youre taking the things that I have said in my post and twisting them. The doctor DOESNT give me a chance to finish. She just simply TELLS me where he 'needs' to be according to HER. You assuring me that things are OK is not what is wrong with your replies. As ive stated before, I appreciate any mothers who take the time out of their day to read my post and reply with helpful advice. It is the tone and way you are going about GIVING the advice. Mothers come on here for help and encouragement, and to get answers from other moms. But I can tell you what I certainly DONT want to hear are rude comments. There is no need for any of that here.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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"I am not sure what to do at this point. Or how to feel."

Honestly Kayla, what is it you were after? I provided you some advice - you said at this point you are not sure what to do. I said he sounds normal, so pretty much was trying to reassure you not to be concerned.

"Nor am I comparing my child to everyone elses, his doctor is."

THAT is NOT what you said in your OP. Not even a little bit. You said "when I visit our OBGYN, she never lets me finish what I have to say, or share with her about my son, Connor, and his development, what milestones hes reached, etc. She is quick to interrupt before listening to what I fully need to tell her, and seems to just try to rush the appointments along as quickly as possible. Leaving me with little, to no answers." This is not a doctor comparing your child.

You also said "But at the same time, things will happen that make me reconsider that. Let me start off with the behaviors that make me think " Autism ". ". This IS you comparing your child and thinking something is wrong.

You also said " I have noticed some things that have brought up quite a bit of concern as it would for any parent." Again, not the doctor comparing, YOU comparing.

I'm sorry that you think my reassurance that your child's behaviours seem perfectly normal is such an insult to you.

"IM sharing MY experiences as a mother and if all you and Jodi would like to do is sit and give me negative feedback, then why even reply to my post? "

It wasn't negative feedback, it was reassurance....but clearly just not what you wanted to hear. I'll be honest, I don't quite know WHAT you want to hear. I thought you wanted reassurance, but clearly not.

And by the way, no-one was ripping you apart. You got advice. You just didn't like it.

[deleted account]

Jodi : No, I am not just focusing on 'what is wrong' or 'looking' for problems. Because I have clearly stated many wonderful things he does. Nor am I comparing my child to everyone elses, his doctor is.

Dove: He gets playtime with my twin nieces.

Sarah: I am in NO way saying my child is autistic 'just because', sorry, but thats just not the kind of person that I am. Nor would I EVER insult anyone with Autism, ADD, ADHD, etc, or anyone for that matter. I know my son better than anyone else. I came on here to get supportive opinions and suggestions. Not to be told that im 'insulting' others, when I know that i am in fact NOT. IM sharing MY experiences as a mother and if all you and Jodi would like to do is sit and give me negative feedback, then why even reply to my post? Youre taking a concern and questions that I have as a mother to other mothers, and turning it into something that it is not. That is NOT what I came here for. So unless you have helpful advice and would also like to share your story with me in return, please dont bother replying. Im new to this site. Thats not an OK to go on my post and start looking for reasons to try to rip me apart.

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2016

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Instead of leaving it up to him to decide when to use the potty Start a routine where he sits on the potty. Like an hour after you eat, right before nap, right when he gets up in the morning. You are expecting him to know when to go without teaching him. You need to have it into a routine first so he can learn.

If you don't like his doctor and feel he/she does not listen to you then find a new one. Get a speech and hearing evaluation done. Your local AEA can do this for free. Call the local school. Don't look for signs of autism! Kids are kids and most do what your son is doing. There are also plenty more things out there then autism. Saying your kid is autistic just because is just like saying a kid is ADHD just because they have a lot of energy. That is an insult to all those that do have autism or ADHD.....SO STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you feel something is wrong then have a professional evaluate him......not you!

Dove - posted on 02/28/2016

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If you are in the US and worried about his speech... ask your CHILD'S doctor to set up an evaluation through Easter Seals. They can do a full evaluation and let you know if there are any areas to be concerned about.

Being a stay at home mom is no excuse to not have your son around other children though. It can be SO important for a child's development to be exposed to other kids on a regular basis. That doesn't mean daycare... but there are play groups and such in many areas that you can utilize.

If his doctor is telling you he needs to be doing these things, but is offering no helpful resources... your child needs a new doctor.

I'm not saying there is a problem because it's quite possible (likely) there is nothing wrong, but no good doctor is going to be telling you that there is a problem w/out giving you something to DO about it.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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Kayla, it really does sound like you are looking for things that are wrong. He sounds perfectly normal. I am not quite sure why you are concerned. For a boy, speaking in sentences at age 2 is actually quite advanced. It is also not uncommon for boys to take a little longer to potty train. Stop comparing your child to everyone else's.

[deleted account]

Jodi: I suppose I should have explained that she does all of the above. She asks frequent questions about his development and does small 'checklist' appointments along with her regular visits for everything else. As far as using the potty goes, he is very interested in trying. We have gotten him a training potty that is at his level if he wants to go ahead and try to go on his own. He definitely knows how to take off the diaper, theres no mistake about that. :) I myself was using my own training potty before I was 2, and acted the exact same way. But every child develops at the rate appropriate for them. The adults going with me seemed to help me relax alot more apposed to me being under pressure to go on my own with them just watching me. I have girlfriends who all have little girls and have started in pull ups with their daughters and have all had successful progress. Its certainly not something that I force upon him. Just wanted to include his interests in wanting that 'big kid independence'. But I do make sure that I
let him know that this is the potty and when he wants to go potty like a big boy he has to tell mommy he needs to go.

MaryAnn: I have had throat, mouth, ears, eyes, hearing, etc, everything checked and he has been fine. No problems. Its just the speech that worries me. As I said im a first time mom. And get those first time mom worries. His doctor has told me that he should know 50 words at the very least by now, and be putting together at least two word sentences. Which i understand where she is coming from. Because 90% of children I have cared for myself, were speaking in sentences by this age. His father, did not speak until he was 3. And now, his father is a very intelligent man. Sometimes I feel like im being overly paranoid but then I feel that first time mom pressure building up when his doctor/obgyn/pediatrician starts telling me these things that my child "needs" to be doing and saying.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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Your OBGYN will not listen to you because an OBGYN is not a specialist in child development, and the appointment is for you not for your son. You need to make and appointment with a PEDIATRICIAN for your child if you are concerned.

But honestly, your son sounds normal. All children talk at different rates, and for boys, it is usually later than girls. 2 is also still pretty young for using a potty.

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