Shelly Jean - posted on 09/21/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )
Before anyone reads this I want you to know I do care that's why I am here and I need help! I have a 17 year old stepdaughter. I am 29 years old and I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship. I recently got married to my husband who has the 17 year old daughter. I have known her since she was 12, my daughter and I have been living with my husband and her (she resides with him not biomom) for over 3 years. We have had our many ups and downs. But right now, it is a bad situation. My stepdaughter ran away from home twice (one month after our marriage) she has never acknowledged me as her stepmom. Over the years she has done several things to me. Stealing, lying, constant eye rolling, ignoring me when we're in the same room and just talking to her dad, making her friends who come over not acknowledge my existence, being rude to my 8 year old, hardly ever cleaning up after herself and I'm left doing it all. I'm here because I don't know what else to do. I have had many conversations with her and her father about her actions and behavior but it just seems to be getting no where. I feel like she ran away mostly because of me. My husband tells me he doesn't think so, but I think he's trying to protect us both. I have NEVER been rude to her or ever really told her to do something. (I had a step dad growing up so I do understand) I always include her when I'm taking my 8 year old out. I even take her to the mall or out to eat just the two of us, I've taken her to the movies, pick her up from school, friends houses, hair appointments, from her work, to the doctors and dentist. She usually always does say thank you and is genuine about it. But it's like the very next day she throws all that out the window and here I am again walking on eggshells. It's getting to the point where I'm done trying with her. I'm so tired of sucking up to her. I have had talks with her about it such as "you need to meet me halfway I can only go so far and the rest is up to you, if you want to." She says yes she will meet me halfway and then no results are made. After her running away for the second time now (she's still not living with us, it's been about a month) and I see how it has broken my husbands heart, it deeply upsets me. I feel like I'm starting to resent her from her actions and behavior now. She has completely given up on us and sadly my feelings are starting to feel mutual. I know she will come back again one day after she realizes how hard it is out in the world and when she realizes how good she had it over here. I know my husband will let her back in with arms wide open, I do want her back too of course. But I want her to respect me and my things and her step sister. I feel like I will resent her when she comes back. I don't know what to do when she does come back knocking on the door. Any advice or similar stories? I feel so alone and that nobody understands me. I talked to my husband last night about it, but I could tell it was starting to upset him and then he gets defensive. I would greatly appreciate some feedback. Am I being unfair and should I just bite my tongue and know she's just an immature young adult like how we all were?? Or is she to the age and point (she will be 18 in less than 6 months) where she's old enough to know right from wrong. Thank you for listening.