I need to get over my dissapointment about second c-section..

Danielle - posted on 08/14/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello ladies,
In two weeks I have been scheduled for another c-section.

With my first, I had a horrible experience.
He was born via emergency c-section when he was discovered breech, had passed a stool while still in womb, and was showing signs of distress.
For the first 2.5 hours of my sons life I didn't get to see him. Everyone in my family got to enjoy my baby before I did. Even people I am not particularly fond of, like my mother, got to hold my baby before I did. I didn't even know his weight until over an hour after his birth.

Anyways, shortly after being discharged I ended up with a UTI, and my incision also got infected and opened up once we were home.
I was discharged from the hospital a day earlier than I should have after the birth of my son, and couldn't breastfeed as a result of the high amounts of I.V treatments I needed to receive because of the severity of the infections. For the first two weeks of my sons life I was in and out of the hospital emergency for my I.V treatments and this greatly affected my bonding with my baby.

I am now 37 weeks pregnant and my doctor thinks that once again I am carrying breech.
I am trying everything in my power to turn him with exercise.
The doctors will not manually turn him for me because of my short stature and the fact that I already have had a previous c-section. He says because of my height, and limited space in my womb it will greatly increase the chances of uterine rupture, and thinks that it will be very unlikely that it will be possible for him to turn even if I were a candidate for the procedure because of my height.

I am devastated!
This was my only chance to be able to experience a normal birth.
I wanted to be able to hold my babies after they are born. I want to see them covered in goo, and blood and have that instant bond with them when they are placed on my chest. I wanted to feel the satisfaction that I played a key role in how they are brought into this world. I feel like a failure.
I wont ever get to have that birthing experience I so desperately crave, and it makes me really sad.

I need to feel better about this situation. I am afraid it will affect the bonding process with my baby. Has anyone else dealt with this situation and the disappointment of having repeat c-sections?
How do you deal with the people who make remarks like:
"you're so lucky you never had to push it out" or "it would be so much easier".. I am trying to deal with my sadness and I keep hearing remarks like that and it makes me want to scream!

Please note!!
I know that some people can not conceive at all and that I am lucky to be having my baby. It has taken my husband and I three years to conceive so we are thankful for this opportunity to be parents again.
I am just upset that this is something I will never be able to experience.

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