I need to vent I'm so stressed

Camilla - posted on 05/15/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have a 10 month old girl and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I'm so stressed beyond belief. I'm constantly stressing over bills, over everything. My husband works but seems to spend carelessly. When I tell him about it he agrees but spends anyways. I'm epileptic so I'm on disability, that's a huge stress on its own. My disability pays the rent, my husband works but seems to never have money. I have absolutely no time for myself, I mean not even an hour. And when I do have time, when baby sleeps, I am exhausted or I'm cleaning the house, my husband never cleans after himself. He comes home from work, he talks to me a but half an hour to an hour, he washes and usually goes to bed. Or by the time he's done waning the baby is sleeping. The house is a disaster, I look like a disaster, baby is always cranky so it's VERY hard to take her anywhere. I don't spend any money in myself, I'm disaplined with money so I never ask for anything knowing we have so little. I use to go swimming often, paint to lots of art. Now nothing, and I understand I have a baby lol. But it would be nice to not worry about bills and food for a while, because of somthing I can't control. I thought about leaving him, but it woud be hard being epileptic, with 2 babies alone. It would be hard to pay rent and feed the babies and take care of myself. However I wonder if it would be more or less stressful then it is now. We've been together for 9 years, and financially it seems to be getting worse as the years go by. I feel like pulling out my hair, I can't take being stressed over the baby, the new baby, there is still no crib for the new baby, bills, car, my health, his work. He tells me he's very stressed, I believe it, but he's the only one that can fix it, pay bills on time, look for another job, I can't do those things for him. I tried helping with money. I sold my diamond ring for $4000 and he spend it on "materials" for work, I never got that money back. I won $40,000 for a car accident, he used it up for "materials" and times when he dint have work. I don know what to do. He's stressed, but he can fix this, I really don't know what to do.

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/15/2013




Well the first thing you need to do is find something that helps calm you down whrn you get to this level of stress. Your baby already feels your stress which is probably part of the reason she is so fussy , it's proven that a stressful environment causes a baby to feel all that anxiety which does not make for a very happy baby . It is also not healthy for your unborn child for you to be do stressed . You can only control you and no one else. If your husband is not willing to sacrifice so his kids have what they need then he is not worthy to be a dad. It makes me wonder where this money is going to ? Could he possibly have a gambling or drug addiction? Do you have a relative you could turn to for help and support if you decided to leave? I know your options are limited with epilepsy , but I do have an uncle with epilepsy and he does hold down a job. He is involved with a program that transports him back and forth from work and they are aware of his medical condition. There are also ways to work from home if you look closely . Talk to people that run foundations dedicated to epilepsy bc they will truly do their best to help you. You need to provide a stable life for these kids , and it won't be easy if your husband doesn't get his act together but it's definitely possible. Also, do not hand large sums of cash to your husband! He has proven himself unreliable and possibly untrustworthy considering he might be doing some things behind your back with his families bill money

Camilla - posted on 05/15/2013




I wish I could work. I'm in canada, and my seizures are bad, I absolutely can not work. Even taking the bus is risky, as none of us (people with epilepsy) like having seizures alone in public. I'm on th best medication for my type, works better then any others I've been on, but it's still uncontrolled. Especially with 2 babies, I'm more worried for them than for myself at this point.

He already cooks just for himself or both of us if I ask him, and does OUR laundry, so that's pretty good of him. After he comes back from work. I wouldn't be able to afford this hous with my money, I'd have to downsize, however $1200 is very cheap but I still wouldn't be able to afford it. Bills are all in my name. It's scary.

Faye - posted on 05/15/2013




Face it after 9 years he will not change unless he is decides to.

Talk with your doctor who is prescribing the Epileptic meds. There are lots of parents who are Epileptic and have to work. Some states require you to be seizure free for 6 months before allowing you to drive again. Maybe the doctor will have a few suggestions as to where to apply for a job or ways to control your body so the seizures become less.

Do you live close to the bus line? If so, use the bus to get to work. Ideally, work near the bus line as well. If you have all this worked out, in your mind, then all that is left is for him to leave. If the house/apartment is in your name, kick him out.

You will have to find a sitter for the kids. Contact your Child Care Referral unit in your county. They will send you a list of licensed sitters or centers in your county.

Could you work in a daycare? That way your kids are with you, yet you are bringing in some income.

I can guarantee that if he is gone 75% of your stress will be gone as well. Yes, the house will still be a mess BUT it will be a controlled mess, as his stuff will be gone.

Another idea is for you NOT TO WASH his clothes. Only wash yours and 10 month old's. Leave his where he drops them, better yet decide which clothes basket is his. When he has no more clean socks, undies, shirts or pants, hopefully he will then realize just exactly what you do during the day. Also don't cook for him, make him fend for himself with his own meals.

Enlist the help of some neighbors in the complex/neighborhood and form a babysitting co-op system. Get the "girls" gathered, 4 of you spend time without the kids while the other 2 watch all the kids, depending on the number of kids, (may need more adults).

The "alone" time could be spent by cleaning your own house, pampering yourself (paint your nails if you don't normally, read that book you have always wanted to, take that bubble bath you keep telling yourself you will take next week, go take that art class at the local rec enter) or getting with the other moms and watching a movie at a different house.

Another idea would be to gather the kids up, have a movie night with supper at one of the houses (kid friendly movie first), bed the kids down on pallets and then watch the adult movie after the kids are asleep.

Good Luck!

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