Gabriella - posted on 12/06/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hello! I have only one child and he is 19 years old. I raised him by myself. His dad was never in the picture since we divorced. His dad also abused me mentally, emotionally and verbally, was a cheater and drug user. I remarried 2 years ago to a wonderful man. My son is a good kid. Not into going out late, drinking or drugs. I noticed that since he started dating his girlfriend a year and a half ago, he has gotten distant with me. He doesn't help out at home. I ask him for the minimal amount of work. Clean cat litter, throw trash when full, take dog out to pee and poop at least once a day, keep bedroom and bathroom clean. That's it! He says I'm on his back all the time, but I wouldn't have to be if he were more reliable and responsible. He just started his first semester of college in September, taking all music major degree courses instead of starting with his basics. He was failing 2 classes then now said he is not going to the other classes. Before school started he said he didn't know what he wanted to do. All he did was play video games, hang with his girlfriend, text her all night when they are not together, and sleep. I told him no way! He has to either get a job, go to school or both. I bought him a new trombone for college, new computer, new TV, clothes, paid for his semester and bought him a used car. Now that he's in college, he says he is failing and it's too much because I "forced him to go to school"!
He did have a job for 2 months while in school but he got fired from that. Before he started dated this girl, who I really don't think is good for him, they don't have a healthy relationship, she is very jealous and unmotivated. I have brought up my concerns to him in a tactful way, but stay out of their relationship because I don't want to push him away and I know he has to make his own choices in life. But right now he isn't making ANY choices! Since coming home 2 days ago and saying that he just is not going to his classes, I blew my top. I took his car away for the weekend and he was upset! I pointed out the way his life was going and he doesn't any of it. Doesn't see all I have ever done for him. With my upbringing, I just cannot let him live off of me. Last time this happened he threatened to go live with his grandfather. I said go ahead but he never went. This time I told him maybe it is a good idea for you to go live with your grandfather, pack a bag, leave the keys to car and house and stay with grandfather for a while, and he did. Of course, I cried a bit. I miss him, but he's not a baby anymore. He has to learn to make his way in life. I have sat him down many times telling him my thoughts, how gifted and talented he is, etc....And I have enabled him by giving him everything and doing so much for him. I recognize where I went wrong. But I still feel a little guilty. Advice plz!? Am I a bad mom for doing this? I will not tolerate his disrespect and ungrateful attitude. Help!?