I really don't feel sexy :(

Erinn - posted on 04/10/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I haven't been feeling sexy..... after 2 kids and NO sleep! I wear sweats most of the time and its tough to get in the "mood!" I've also never had an orgasm.... and i'm 30!! Has anyone else gone through this?? I feel bad for my husband, who has a high sex drive!! I would like to get some lingerie, but i'm afraid I won't look good in it!! We have a 3 year old son and a 5 month old daughter, so obviously by the end of the day, i'm ready for bed and not very horny!! I could really use some advice on this and would appreciate as much feedback as I can get!!

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Kenny - posted on 01/22/2013

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remmber men are visual we think of sex all the time but we are visual .. try that make it a nite he wont forget , making love having sex feeling good all takes effort on our part,, life is a long walk. with different paths ,, good luck

Kenny - posted on 01/22/2013

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wow.. unless you have changed so much in the time you and your hubby got together , then i think he will be in wow land if you were to get some lingerie and spice up your sex life..

Claudine - posted on 04/10/2009

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I hear you. I have noticed that I have went through the same thing that your goin through. My hubby and I have 2 kids. Our oldest is 5 and the baby is 2 yrs old now. Yeah it is hard to have some alone time with your hubby. My hubby and I usually go to bed around 10:30 and thats when we get to have sex or do whatever we want to. Also, I have noticed that some over the counter stuff helps me have an orgasm also. When I want to spice things up. I usually get some stuff called Finally (its for women) and use that and theres times where you can have 2 or 3 orgasms at a time. Another thing is you and your hubby needs some time to reconnet and I'm tellin you that will help with things. I hope that I have helped. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2009

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I hate to look at myself in the mirror. Having a baby really does mess your body up. I have stretch marks across all of my stomach. Plus the extra fat that looks lumpy. YUCK!!! My son is 8 months now. When will this extra jiggle go away?



I do think maybe you should try wearing something besides sweats. If you have a little extra cash maybe get a new hair cut with some highlights. I just got mine cut and added some highlights and I was really impressed. Try throwing on a little make-up even if you are just sitting at home. Every lady deserves to look pretty and feel good about them selfs.

Catherine - posted on 04/10/2009

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Hi Erinn, i think we all go the stage of not feeling sexy after having children and not being in the mood for sex, i know i have struggled with this. i have 2 children (a 3 year old and a 2 year old) and another child on the way. It is important that you talk to your husband about this because it will help him understand why you never feel like sex. Since having children i have felt like i have no sex drive at all but with the help of my husband we seem to have worked things out.
It is important to try to take some time out for your self as well. This could be just simply going and having a bath and telling everyone to stay away. Light some candles and relax
As far as the orgasm part, experiment with your own body, get to know what you like then ask your husband to join in. Once you start enjoying it you might want to have sex more often. It is common for women to not experience an orgasm during sex but why should the men have all the fun.
Hope i have helped :)

Libby - posted on 04/10/2009

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The only thing I can say is make more of an effort.  And I'm not thinking that you haven't already, I'm just saying, make a special moment for you and the hubby.  Get rid of the kids for an afternoon of cuddling and tenderness.  Hold each other, fall asleep in each other's arms, and make love.  I don't know why you can't have an orgasm.  Perhaps this is a question for your OB.  Maybe there is something going on down there.  I know it's sort of an embarrassing question but obviously you want to be a horn dog too once in awhile!  LOL.  Good luck!! 



 



Oh, and one other thing that I want to say is that sometimes the guys have more needs than we do.  I know it's hard to get in the mood and try to satisfy someone else's needs when you have kids that tire you out all day.  But the way I look at it is I don't want my hubby to resent all of that.  So I always try to make sure his needs are met.  What I mean is, right now I'm pregnant and we can't have sex because of past complications in pregnancies.  But that doesn't mean he doesn't still have some needs.  So, I can't ignore his needs for 9 months, that wouldn't be fair to him.  So, try to be reasonable and even if you're not in the mood for the whole entire love making session, his needs can still be met.  Hope that helps.

Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2009

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I thought I was reading a post from myself when I read this.... I am going through the same thing. Just simply "not in the mood". I believe that if you asked your husband to do all "your chores" for one night and then added a massage and fore play he could get lucky, lol. At least I know that might do it for me. As for the orgasm, I was 34 and it was just simply finally finding mr. right. I know how FRUSTERATING of an issue that is and I hope it can happen for you soon. I know you have to try not to think about that happening when you are making love (I know it's hard trust me) and you really have to be able to relax and not have much else on your mind but what is going on at the time. As for not feeling "sexy" .....who does, lol. My husband says I still look good so if yours is just as supportive just go with it. Our bodies will never be the same but I'm sure your still beautiful so don't be so hard on yourself. You just had a baby and if your husband loves you he will continue to love you even with a little flab....(thats how I see it, or like to tell myself..lol) Hope I helped a little, or at least brought a smile to your face. Have a good one, Rebecca

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2009

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hey hun! I have a 6 yr old and a 5 month old and i hear ya! I finally just set my sites on losing the baby weight to help myself feel sexier which in return gets ur sex drive going! just cut out sugar for starts..i could give u sum great alternatives if you want. If u have never bought lingerie start out with sumthing simple first and work ur way to the more extreme! I feel like i look better in a cute pair of boyshort undies and sum kind of lil top bcuz the boyshorts cover more of my butt with aquired sum stretchmarks with the first child. As far as the orgasm...it starts with feeling sexy. You need to get there first! Get a new hair style and maybe get ur nails dun..a tan always makes me feel SOOO much better..it covers sum of the bad and makes u look thinner. Then you just have to let go of everything in the bedroom..dont worry about this and that. We cud discuss more in a message if u want! Add me to facebook amanda_lou@hotmail.com

Becki - posted on 04/10/2009

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first and for most you need to realise you husband LOVES your body, if you need to hear it form him then ask him and i bet he will tell you. how often do the two of you get time to appreciate each other? i am guessing with two kids not often. if that is the case get a sitter and reconnect. if you get away for a night alone, call grandma and grandpa, that will be even better.



my advice is to change it up, try something new, you just may be surprised! if you really want to get the fire back in the bedroom read this article below. it will make you see how sexy your hubby thinks you are.



http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/sexu...



 

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Stop wearing sweats!!! At least put on jeans and a t-shirt, that always helps me start the day better. The big O isn't common for everyone so you're not alone there. Your husband sounds interested in sex so forget the lingerie, it'll only end up on the floor anyway. Maybe start off with a date or have a late dinner once the kids are in bed, just the 2 of you. Spend time together, sex or no sex it's important for us to stay bonded with our spouses/partners. Good Luck and maybe the sex will help put you to sleep! Have fun

Clariza - posted on 04/10/2009

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Well Erinn, I truly feel you on this topic.  I have a 7 month old and I can relate to how you are feeling.  For one I think to feel sexy and in the mood there needs to be free time to yourself.  Because we as women view sex as more of a mental and then a physical..if your mind is preoccupied with the children and housework etc...then sex is the last thing on your mind.  What i would suggest is that you schedule intimate time w your hubby.  Get a sitter and have a date night once a week.  It may seemed too planned at first but life after children is all about scheduling and planning.  At least you will be making it a relevant priority.  Its so difficult to have spontineity anymore.  But its ok, things change, just change along with them.  As for lingerie, Im sure that anything other than sweats will be a step up.  You dont have to go all out and get a sheer lil number.  Start off slow.  Maybe a nice silky slip...then u can go more provacative from there.  The trick here is to get you to feel sensual and confident.  



Now as for the orgasm bit.  This is all on you.  You should get to know your body, explore!  Maybe in the shower.  Maybe start by reading erotic  stories, it will get your mind working.  Do lil things to help yourself.  If you dont work out, try doing some jumping jacks every day...move up from there.  I really hope this helps!  Good luck to you.

Katie - posted on 04/10/2009

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I feel the same way! I don't have a significant other and sometimes I accidentally go 2-3 days without a shower--it's so gross. Me from 3 years ago would be so disappointed...



As for the orgasm thing, though, you and your husband should go together to a sex toy shop (or online) and get a toy or two. If he can't give you an orgasm, then at least he can help you use a vibrator. Also, remember that everyone looks good in candlelight.



After the kids go to bed, tell him you would like to have sex, but the kitchen is dirty and cleaning it would just be exhausting. Let him clean it and you go take a shower, put a little makeup and lingerie on and light a couple of candles--the ritual may make it more exciting, make you feel more sexy, and the anticipation will turn him on and he'll be easy to get off.

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