i really need advice asap

Siany - posted on 06/22/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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hi there, my daughter is now 6, and has never met her dad he has found me on facebook and threatening me wiv court, although he has made no effot prior to this week and has not payed a penny towards her, im petrified of him, my problem is that my daughter knows ive spoke to her dad and doesnt want to meet him, i dont want to drag this through court and force her to do anything she doesnt want to, she has ADHD and finds it hard with change, im really worried for my daughter if anyone can help plz plz get intouch asap xxx

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[deleted account]

I'm not sure about the UK, but in the US there's something called a "guardian ad-liem" (I think that's how it's spelled, they're called GAL for short). It's basically an attorney for the child. They look into everything and report to the court what they think is best for the child (completely 3rd party, so no bias). Maybe you could look into someone like that for your daughter so the court knows it's not just you being angry at your ex? I don't know... maybe you should just tell him that if he files you're going to request the 6 years back child support and see if that makes him not file...



Good luck and I'm sorry you have to go through this!

[deleted account]

GET A LAWYER. I'm serious. Get a lawyer and get one quick. If he takes you to court then you are protected, but most importantly your daughter is protected as well. The courts will not ignore that he has been absent for 6 years. Also, if he takes you to court you can ask for 6 years of back child support (which is daunting to him to say the least). The courts *may* grant him visitation time, but I almost guarantee you it would be supervised, and you can request that he be the one to pay for a special center to do the supervision (and the cours would most likely grant it because he is the one who has been absent).

I will repeat my earlier advice though. Get a lawyer. If you can't afford one, many states (assuming you're in the US) offer legal aid services wich gets you either a free lawyer or one at reduced rates (usually on a sliding scale depending on your income).

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Marleen - posted on 06/23/2011

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Get a lawyer and then speak to your child's therapist. Get as much people involved which can help you with this. Be open and honest with them all and then they will give you the proper advice on how to handle this from now on.

Siany - posted on 06/23/2011

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we were never married thank god, and hes not on her birth certificate so i guess he has no parental ryts, i really just want my daughters voice to b heard, i understand he is entitled to a relationship with her and my hate and anger shud not stop that, but i dont want to force her to see him if she really doesnt want to xx

[deleted account]

Thanks Katherine! I was just coming back here because I found the correct spelling and you beat me to it by seconds! lol

Siany - posted on 06/23/2011

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when i say i have spoken to my daughter i dnt mean aout l the ins an outs i mean when she ask's were dave is, i j ust te her hes in ireland and shes sed she doesnt want to see him as she calls my partner dad but knows hes not, he will have to pay for court as he isnow working or so he says, h eemailed me saying he wantedo c my daugher at first and den told me to take care then all of a sudden i got a random eail telling me hes going to start legal proccedings but he doent want to have to go down that path, i dnt thk e understands what hes doing as ive sed he lives in ireland and w live in the uk, if he gets access surely it would b ia centre as he does not know my daughter and i dnt c how tht would work, he has know abou my daughterfrom day one we were together up until the month se was orn when i moved back in wiv my parents, he knew were m parents lived and never ae an ffot, im just so frustrted wiv it all an dnt think its fair my dauhters opinions wont b heard xxx thnk u to everye whos helping xxx

Elisabeth - posted on 06/22/2011

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Whatever course of action you take, I would suggest that you stop talking to your daughter about it.

This is a situation between you and your daugther's father and at this stage there is no point in upsetting your daughter when you don't know what the outcome might be.

Is there a chance that he is just making threats? Do you really think he will spend his time visiting solicitors and courts? I am not aware of the UK system - will he have to pay to take this matter to court? If so, is he really likely to spend his money doing that instead of buying his drugs etc?

You need to get some legal advice as soon as possible just so that you know what the likelihood is of him being able to start proceedings would be.

Also, you say he contacted you - did he say he was going to start proceedings, or did he just say he wanted to see his daughter? Is he really motivated enough to do anything more about it other than email you about it?

Please don't discuss all of this with your daughter. She really doesn't need to know, AND, if nothing comes of it, she has been upset and stressed for no reason. Wait until there is something 'definite' before you bring up the subject with her again. In the meantime, if she asks what is happening just tell her that 'Mummy is dealing with it and there is nothing to worry about'.

Tonya - posted on 06/22/2011

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you do not say if he knew about her from the beginning. If yes and he did not try all this time then you may be able to get him for abandonment if no then he has a right to see her but if he was abusive in any way and that is why you left then you may have the upperhand due to you left for your safety and for the child. Keep a journal of everything so when you do have to go to court you have record of how many times you were contacted by him and what was said. I agree with the earlier posts get a lawyer to help with your legal rights as I do not know the law in the UK as I do in Missouri sorry. Hope this helps

[deleted account]

I know, it's just that in my experience the courts see one parent not wanting th other parent to see the child and they assume anger (whether it's true or not - it's not true in our case either, but our judge assumed and it was annoying), a lot of times the GAL can really make sure the court knows the best interest of the child. :)

Siany - posted on 06/22/2011

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thank u i will, im not angry wiv him i hate him he makes me sick s ive sed our relationship was very very rocky and i suffered alot of abuse and den he chose drugs and drink over his daughter xx

Siany - posted on 06/22/2011

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im in the uk, i know i can get legal aid my main concern is that my 6year old is really upset that she myt have to see her dad and she really doesnt want to, she doesnt even call him her dad she calls him by her first name, also there's the problem hes in ireland and im in the uk, i dnt understand how it would work him seeing her, the thought of him being near her scares me to the core even supervised im scared he will brainwash her like he did wiv me, ( we had a really bad relationship) im so so scared, we were fine b4 he emailed me xx thanx for ur advice xx i just need to know if her voice will b heard or if she'll have to do something that is against her will xx

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