[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )
so basically weve been fighting for along time for numerous reasons, he can get pretty angry (especially if he doesnt smoke pot, which i dont mind if he keeps it to himself, since it doesnt effect him much other than making him calm and less irritable) and he can drink quite a bit at times making it even worse (one beer will reverse the calm pot gives him) hell yell at me for anything, sometimes im just chewing to loud or sometimes i put his shirt in the laundry by accident, im a little absent minded and watching a 1 and a half year old all day while also cooking and cleaning can be distracting. so we broke up for 2 months this summer, i never found a way to move out , mostly bc i was so scared of life on my own, so we worked things out after 2 months of angry silence and things were SO GOOD we talked everything out and things improved alot, but he ran out of weed in the last few days and we had a few fights, we settled everything last night and made up.
so tonight we invite my sister and her man over, we had 4 beer and a half bottle of wine, we didnt mind cause we didnt want to drink to much, then my sisters boyfriend convinces her to give him money for booze, she finally lets him and everyone starts drinking to much (except me who only had a glass of wine) and were o the porch and her boyfriend says something really racist so i got kinda mad, called him out and decided to drop it and go inside, drunk him keeps trying to get me to talk about it, egging me on till i fight back twice (i basically called him a racist asshole and told him to fuck off, he was saying nasty shit) then he apologizes. for the rest of the night him and my boyfriend are just off to the side and i hear angry voices between them, he kept saying sorry you were right every time he walks past me and later i found out he was basically bitching at me every other minute while i was off talking to my sister. god knows what my own boyfriend said about me, because as soon as they left he looked at me all angry, so i calmly asked if we could discuss it tommorow because i was putting our son to sleep and was tired (i also didnt think hed be so mad sober) but it pissed him right off, he broke a few glasses and tried to break the coffee table. he hit my leg when i tried to apologize for talking to my sisters boyfriend like that (i was saying anything i could just trying to calm him out of fear) he was mad cause he thinks i made the guy mad and that itll cause a fight between him and my sister, which was obviously something i didnt consider, he continued throwing things around and calling me a bitch, telling me all the things he hates about me and basically saying he hates me, hates my voice and how i treat guests in our house, how he cant bring anyone around without me ruining everything and not even caring im rocking our son to sleep at the time. he made me clean all the glass up after putting the baby to bed while he continued to yell at me about how awful i am all the time. i have literally catered to his every need 90% of the time because i enjoy seeing him happy, i have just loved him no matter what, he tells me i talk to much to loud and walk to loud and eat to loud and insults me like that all the time, we mostly fight bc he doesnt return even half of what im doing for him besides supporting me financially (which i am thankful for) but tonight was so scary, i was a moment from calling the cops but i just wanted my baby to sleep and him to sleep and dont want to cause a scene.
so with what he said, theirs no going back for me, it was just TO awful (and weve been pretty bad t each other in the past) i dont even want to be here when he gets home tomorrow, i dont want to see if hes still angry or hear him try to apologize, so im trying to figure that out,considering i basically dont know anyone its going to be really hard, also..
i need some advice on what steps i should take, i have no money car or job and i dont even have a licence (just a learners, i have bad anxiety and it took me quite awhile to get that in the first place) as well as a 1 and a half year old son...so im completely helpless feeling basically. i also live in a really small town, so resources are limited... any helpful advice would be amazing. this is the worst night of my entire life.