I really need some advice if I should move or not with my toddler?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Since my ex left us in Feb, he has remained our financial go to person as he promised to continue paying our rent and utilites until our lease was up, thats this month. This is the second time he left me andmy daughter who is two and its for good now since he moved his first ex wife out here to where we live with their three kids from another state. they all live together and he hasnt seen ourlittle one in a month. this is no surprise as i have had to push her on him since the day i was pregnant. we divorced then reconcilled last year for it to last for only ten months and me to leave everything to move with him out of state for a better job. now that his past due child support of12k is written off and no longer a debt because we reconcilled and i signed with the courts to wash it away, he is on his feet witha good job and the family he has missed for six yrs. in the meantime i had started back to school to finish my BA and stay at home with my toddler at the age of 33. He decided to walk out for work one day to tell me by phone he wasn't coming home. i stuck it out here without family and friends because its beautiful place to live in the Ozark mtns and so much to do. i attend church and my little one goes to mothers day out programs and we have our own life without him. since he moved his ex out here im afraid he is going to fight for shared custody, idk, he never did it for his other kids when we were married it was me making him do it to see them more. i have sole legal custody and want to move away from them as the ex wife is psycho and spiteful. shed fight for my little one jus to make me mad since we hate eachother. he has a felony conviction from last year after his dad died he beat his mother with a bat and he went to jail. i dont want our baby to grow up knowing him. he has denied her all this time and when we were together i was always upset as he never played with her or hugged her or loved on her as his own child. our town is 77k ppl and if i move to a different apartment or town we can still enjoy this place we have been for a year. on the contrary, my mom wants us to move back to the state, five hrs away, we are from. im not close to my family as after my divorce and i was pregnant they kinda left me out on my own to figure things out though at one time i was withouta car since mine was repoed and i lost my home during the divorce. no one was to even offer a couch for me to stay. so i have been on my own the past two and half yrs. now that my little one is getting older and she misses her and doesnt know her she has found a duplex down the street from her. she lives with my brother and sister an dmy dad lives about 10min away. i went to visit last week to see my choices and i was so uncomfortable. my dad didnt come see us the whole week until we were about to leave, my brother and sister were so rude to my littleo ne an dme and my mom blames me for so much that happened ten yrs ago when my parents divorced. it was hard for me to not choose sides but she sees it that i did. i dont want to livea nervous wreck and getting my feelings hurt around them. i cant forget how they treated me when i was down at my worst and needed them. i told her this last week, i cried and had so much pain at how she always treated me different and would hit me all the time when i was little and never my brother and sister. theres an age gap of ten yrs from me to them. i always felt she didnt like me. now that i have this adorable little one she barely knows because she never comes to see us even after six months of my ex being gone who she didnt like, she wants us to be near. or me to be near so she can see my daughter. its tough. im a full time student and can live off of my loans and grants in the state i love, just the two of us. but i have to feat my ex and his revengeful woman will find out where we live or serve me papers for joint custody. if i move out of state, the only place i can get approved for and affordableis this one close to her and it is very nice as well. i dont know what to do, i dont know how to weigh out whats important. yould think i killed someone the way that my family ttreats me, but they dont want someone needy or someone in distress as it may mean they have to put out some money or a place to stay or loan out a car to me. I have everything I need now i dont need their help just their love and approval. i said that to my mom and she laughs and rolls her eyes at me when i cry and am upset at the pain i ahve carried from her and my family. she didnt even stay the night with me in the hospital when my baby was born. i was numb from the waste down and was there alone witha new baby. she went home because my brother wanted her to not get too attached to the baby. its messed up and it hurts. i dont know what to do. iforgave them all for shunning me and my sweet little one so that i could have some sort of relationship with my mom and dad and siblings. but i can't help but remember it. what do i do that is best for me and my little one?


View replies by

[deleted account]

thank you Dove. I want her to be happy and we are in the center of so many fun kids things and family things. just hearing my mom say that my little one will grow up not knowing any family because we are out here alone makes me feel guilty and that her dad doesn't deserve to see her since he has seen her about six times in six months. i can't stand the thought of her spending the night with him and her with the drinking and smoking and drugs they do and he shows no love towards our daughter even when he was liveing with us. i did tell him i was moving and didnt seem to care, he asked where and i said i was staying close by he could see her holidays and summertime visits. and he said okay. didnt even ask to see her yesterday on fathers day and he lives five minutes away. drives by our street to and from work everyday. ive left the door open so to speak for him and his mom and sister to come see our little one and even met them at parks to drop her off to play while i went to the store. i have made the availablity for them. i think hes okay with signing his rights over, he asked me how back before we reconcilled when she was four months old. so maybe given some time he will ask again.

Dove - posted on 06/18/2012




Why would you move to be with people that would LAUGH at you when you say all you want is their love? Forgiving someone is good.... for YOU, but allowing them to continue to hurt you is not acceptable. If they were showing signs of change that would be one thing, but they aren't. Don't go where you aren't loved because it will torture your heart and soul. :(

I understand the problems with the ex, but you had a child with him and you can't just pretend he doesn't exist. Your daughter has a right to know HER father. If you feel like he is a danger to her then go for supervised visits or something.

It sounds like you DO have a life where you are, so keep that life and do whatever you can to keep your daughter happy and safe.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms