I really need some advice with my husband. Someone please help me.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/29/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Let me start off by saying that I love my husband with all of my heart, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that he's the right person for me. My concerns are stemming from the fact that the added pressure from being married is sending us on a tailspin, and I'm just not sure how to fix it!



I haven't even known my husband for a year. We met at the very beginning of March, and we were married at the end of June. I became pregnant at the beginning of June, and due to my health insurance not covering maternity we got married. We already knew that we were in love. We already knew we wanted to be together long term, and it didn't seem forced/rushed at that time. It just made sense. Yes, planning a big wedding would've been what I wanted, but that wasn't going to happen with a bun in the oven. We found out that we were going to miscarry 3 days before getting married, and we still decided that's what we wanted to do.



Fast forward 5 months, and I'm freaking out! We found out about 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant again (we were trying), but I'm so overwhelmed this time around. It seems to me that all of the responsibilities in our relationship fall in my lap, and I'm starting to resent it. If we would've had a longer transition period from dating to marriage I wouldn't be bothered at all... the things that I do are what a wife SHOULD do, but a girlfriend of 9 months would never be expected to do the things that I do.



I do ALL of the parenting to my 3.5 year old stepson (enrolled him in school, get him ready in the morning, drop him off, pick him up, make all of his meals, bathe him, teach him, discipline him, play with him, read to him, clean up after him... EVERYTHING). My husband works a lot, but that doesn't mean I should be the one left to parent his child completely. I do all of the cleaning. I do all of the laundry. I'm the only one who cooks, or packs my husbands lunches, or pays the bills, or gets anything done at all!



I also am a small business owner, and trying to manage EVERYTHING else that I have to do and work is next to impossible.



What can I do? How can I go back to the giddy feeling that I had when I'd see my husband before instead of being constantly frustrated. Plus, being pregnant again... I don't know how I'm possibly going to manage a new baby on top of everything else!



Somebody please talk to me, or give me some words of strength/encouragement. I just need some darn help!

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Lacye - posted on 11/29/2012

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You are being overwhelmed. Which in your case isn't that surprising. You went from being single to have a family. Do you have anytime to where you can just relax and clear your head for a bit? If not, then you need to find a way to make some time. Do you and hubby have a date night for just the two of you? See if you can talk to him about that. Just because you get married doesn't mean he doesn't have to romance you.



As for the 3 year old, I have one as well and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. Part of what you are feeling is going to be your hormones going insane. Sounds great doesn't it. lol Maybe you did rush into things a little bit, but that doesn't mean you can't slow it down and enjoy what you have as well. Maybe you can make a schedule for certain days you do certain chores. Like Laundry Thursday or Dusty Sundays.



Oh and your husband does need to step up a little bit in the kiddo department. If he's not spending that much time with his son, he needs to start doing it. That way, you can have your free time and he can have his bonding time.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/29/2012

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I've tried to talk to him, but it just turns into a fight and nothing is resolved. We really do not have healthy communication skills between the two of us when we're trying to talk about anything of substance. He just gets defensive and shuts down, and I probably bombard him with too much all at once.



I guess I phrased it wrong in saying that the marriage added more pressure. That's not the case.. it's just the sudden changes that occurred immediately after we got married that are the issue. It's the lack of transition time... easing into the role that I'm in now, and now there's really no way to backtrack to slow those things down.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/29/2012

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Well, you first of all really need to talk with your husband about all of this. He really needs to step up and take a part in all of the activities that make a successful marriage. His child, even though you are his step mom, should be your husbands top priority. I don't think any extra tiem would have changed things for the both of you, I think this is just how he expects things to be. You are pregnant, and you are not going to be able to do everything alone.



Marriage itself does not add pressure to a relationship, but life does. This means pregnancy, a partners kids, and keeping up the house and money issues. Marriage is a wonderful thing, and if you have a solid relationship before getting married, the actual act of marriage should not add more pressure. It could be that you got married to soon before understanding eachothers expectations of marriage, roles within a union, and kids. It is better to discuss all this now before your baby gets here, rather than continuously growing resentful. Talk with him. That is the only way things will change. Marriage does take work, but a big part of that work is communicating. The other part is compromise.

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