I really want to know your opinion before i commit to having his baby!!

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

I have a distant cousin (one of my Great-Grandma's cousins childrens childrens children) who is a homosexual, we are both in our early 30s. I have 2 sons and i'm not really interested in having any more-maybe (but i would love to have a daughter) The subject came up and basically i have been asked to have a baby or 2 for him. I'm not totally against the idea, infact it is actually growing on me!

Although the baby would not live with me, i would have full access, i would be called Mummy, i can even take the baby on holidays with my sons... Etc

His Mother is desperate for Grand-Babies from him (she has four other children and two grand children already) and she is quite a good friend of mine (which is how this whole thing came about) So the baby would not be short of love and affection by any means.

He is a great guy doing really well for himself, has a great personality and a fantastic attitude towards life.

BUT in my family>>> Family is family no matter how distant! We were ALL raised as first cousins (practically brothers and sisters) and that is the end of that! It will be seen as truly disgusting to say the very least!

I would love to hear your opinions on the matter before i make any decision or commitments. thank you in advance.


Sherri - posted on 03/11/2012




I actually know someone that did exactly this and it worked amazingly well for them and the baby girl was super loved and very well adjusted.

[deleted account]

I couldn't do it. My brother asked me once many years ago if I would ever consider being a surrogate for him and his then wife... I thought about it for about 2 seconds before I knew I could never do it. I couldn't have a baby and then give it away. I just don't have that in me... especially not a baby I would see all the time. I think sharing the kid as you are describing would make it even worse for me.

Totally your call, but not something I could do. If you do this.... I would highly suggest speaking to a lawyer and have a legal agreement written up and signed by both of you BEFORE conception. Just to fully protect everyone involved.

Mrs. - posted on 03/11/2012




I wish I could do this for my brother and his husband (obviously I would carry his husband's baby), but I have reproduction issues and had a hard enough time conceiving myself.

Plus, you have to know that there is hormonal therapy that tends to go along with this...although I have heard on CoMs recently that you can do a session without it - just make sure you know ALL the details, the shots, the procedures, the risks before committing to it.

It is a huge gift and one your cousin may never get a crack at without your help.

Make sure you also work with a lawyer to put all these custody arrangements on paper. This would be to protect you and the child. I mean, things happen. What if your cousin gets in an accident and passes on...you now have a dependant child you didn't count on. Or what if your cousin decides he isn't interested in having you around very often...it is just good to get it all in writing beforehand so you know what the deal is and the relationships don't get damaged.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2012




Go for it! Family is family but DNA wise you arent even close to family. So from a science side there will be no cause for alarm. Its prob the best gift you could give him.


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Christina - posted on 03/12/2012




if you feel this is something you can handle then that is your choice. i do believe it is something you should seriously think about before doing it because depending on how yall plan on having this kid may be an issue. he is your cousin so are you gonna use his sperm or a donor sperm.

Merry - posted on 03/12/2012




Ok just a few questions.

1-are you married or in a committed relationship?

If so what does your husband think?

2- is your cousin in a relationship? Do both of the men want this baby?

3- will you use your egg?

4- legally who will be the child's parents?you? Who will have custody?and a last thought, get a lawyer and have counseling to figure out the best path to take. This is an incredibly risky thing and it could end horribly.

Make a good solid plan and go from there.

Merry - posted on 03/12/2012




I wouldn't be ok with surrogate -ing like that. I feel like a surrogate shouldn't be a mom. The baby should be raised by the intendant parents and the surrogate should at most be aunty. The child should be 100% the parents. And the surrogate should be aunt.


I'd surrogate for my sister if she needed it but I wouldn't be mom. I'd be aunt.

Kelina - posted on 03/11/2012




I think it might be something viable. Since your cousin is gay it would make things easier to explain as the child gets older why mommy and daddy aren't together. Personally I'd be more comfortable with the idea of using a donor egg to get pregnant with that way the baby was fully his, but that's me. i don't think I could ever try to get pregnant and give birth, knowing from the get-go that baby wouldn't be with me full time. But if this is something you're comfortable with I don't see a problem with it. You'd still be in the baby's life, still be a part of their upbringing, and blood wise I'm not sure you two are technically even still related lol. My hubby's family is the same way, everybody calls everybody cousin despite the fact that sometimes they're so far removed they are barely related to them. Have you actually talked to your family, like mom or sibling, about this? Somehow, I don't think they'd see it as disgusting. I think they'd probably see it as a really awesome thing you're doing for someone that all of you love. My hubby sees no issue with it.

Andrea - posted on 03/11/2012




Does your cousin want it you be your egg for the baby?? I would recommend using a donner for the egg and making sure your family knows that it is not your egg.

I have no problems with being a surrogate for any one in my family if the donner egg was the females egg or someone else. I would not give up custody of a child that I was the donner for.

Stifler's - posted on 03/11/2012




This would be way too emotional for me to do. I could be a surrogate but being called mum by the child when I had them for someone else would be hard.

Kay - posted on 03/11/2012




Is he in a committed relationship? I don't personally see anything wrong with the arrangement--a loving home is a loving home, and children are amazingly resilient. They adapt to many different types of families, as long as they are loved and cared for. I do recommend total honesty--that can help alleviate any feelings of abandonment.

Neva - posted on 03/11/2012




I'm not sure this is a good idea. Not because of the homosexual issue, but because of the perspective of the child once he gets old enough to realize that you are his mother. From an adult perspective, this sounds like a great arrangement, but from a child's point of view, no matter how loving the household, he is going to wonder "what was wrong with me that my mother didn't want me?" I speak from experience. I have a friend that couldn't have children. She had a neighbor that had 2 daughters and she didn't want another girl and they were having financial problems. She allowed my friend to adopt this girl. My friend and her husband are extremely loving people and this little girl grew up knowing who her real family was, as well as why she was adopted. As she got older she started to say things like "Why doesn't my real Mommy love me?" and "Why did she send me away instead of one of my sisters?" She started acting out as a teenager and got involved with drugs and got pregnant at 16. She had 3 children by the time she was 21. She is finally getting her life in order, after a lot of counseling, but she still says that even though she understands the reasons behind her adoption and she loves and has a good relationship with her adoptive mother (the adoptive father passed away), she can't shake the feelings of abandonment and that she wasn't good enough.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2012




I have actually thought about and am thinking about being a surrogate myself if my bil and sil need it. I would have no problem giving up the child knowing how much they want one. BUT, for you I would make 100% certain there is absolutely no family blood between you. Also, if there is, I am hoping you are not having sex with him in the first place to get preggo (him being gay, and potential family) you could always have a donor egg and his sperm implanted. Good luck on your decision.

Rachel - posted on 03/11/2012




If you think he would be a good father and will be able to take care of the child appropriately then i would deffinately look into it. I would do it. Good luck just make sure that you can emotionally give your child to someone else to raise. Also think of how it would be for the child. Good luck and i hope you make the right decision for all of you.

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