I think I am loosing my husband

Carole - posted on 05/08/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have been married to a fabulous man for nearly 7 years and we used to be best friends but I am not sure where it has gone. He went through counseling relating to rejection issues about 2 years ago. Just before his counseling I was unfortunate enough to walk into a bar and find him kissing another woman…. I was not dignified in dealing with it. I thought I had put it behind me and I recently realized that in fact - since that day I started to reject him before he rejected me… I told him… thinking it was a good thing that I had realized it and I wanted to get help for it. However, I have really hurt him… he is just destroyed that the one person he thought would always be on his side and in his corner is actually doing the one thing to him that he has dealt with all his life.

We have talked about it and I thought we were moving forward - but if we argue it always comes back to that… especially if alcohol is involved… we had another blow out argument last night - this morning I left for work and said a strained good bye and would see him later… two days from now I knew he was going on a course - but I get a message saying that he was going to the course early - for no other reason than he needed the time.

He says he loves me and that I am his true North - even after all the hurt he is experiencing - but I just don't know what to do? I know where he is on the course - do I go up there and find him … do I give him the time… what do I do and can we really get through this if I have hurt him so much….

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Raye - posted on 05/08/2015

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It seems you both are having difficulties communicating and trusting. You both have hurt each other, and it does take time and effort to get through. If there is excessive alcohol involved, that is surely not helping anything. You should both get into counseling with some sessions apart and some together.

I don't know what you mean by he went to a course. If he needs space, you would probably be aggravating things to contact him. If this "course" means he will be gone longer than a day or two, then you may just send him a text in the evening saying you hope he had a good day and you love him. See if/how he responds. If he doesn't respond, or the response is short, then text the next night with something similar. Don't bombard him with messages. But do show that you're thinking of him and are still there for him. And take advantage of the time to get your own thoughts in order so you can talk when he's ready.

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Carole - posted on 05/08/2015

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Thanks for the response Raye.
I literally mean my husband is attending a work related course next week.... he was due to leave Sunday but left today instead.

I am finding it hard to not text him... I have to say... but last did about 6 hrs ago...

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