:( I THINK MY DAUGHTER IS LIEING ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND RAPEING HER !!! PLEASE HELP !!!!!

Natalie - posted on 06/13/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I was single for 5 years , During that time it was just me and my kids...Then came along the boyfriend...Now my kids hate it ! we have been together for the past year. I love him dearly . I have 4 children. 3 TEENAGE GIRLS and on boy. Girls are 17,15, and 13 . My is 5. My 5 year old and my 17 year old are ok with him and get along well. My 15 year old is cool with him sometimes and sometimes not. my 13 year old is just so against this whole relationship. She is the drama queen of the family,. She took her dads and my breakup very serious and I think she needs help. Lately she has been fighting with me a lot since I took her phone away. She fights a lot at school with a lot of different girls, and has even been to juvi for it. She has a lot of anger . She has always had an anger problem since she was little. She has faked over dosing and faked not waking up... both times we rushed her to the ER ...Come to find out she was faking...She admitted to it and thought it was a joke. Now she saying that my boyfriend hit her and raped her. Well she said this happened Thursday May 30th. She ran away the next day. She was gone for 5 days. Then when she returned . She made that accusation. First he hit her ... Then he hit and raped her. She said it happened Thursday and that is the reason she ran away. She said she had stayed home that Thursday from school , and That my boyfriend had stayed home from work. However...I got her attendance record from school and she was there the whole day. My boyfriend was at work the whole day and has proof of it on video because there are cameras at work . His boss already went thru the video and said he was there the whole day other than the hour he was with me for lunch . We spend lunch everyday together. So there's no way ! I also went through her face book (That she will not be aloud to have no more) and her behavior is just horrible. I am ashamed to say that's my daughter. The very day that she said my boyfriend raped her....She was posting pictures of herself at 10:00 pm at night all happy talking about picking out an outfit to spend the next day (the day she ran away cause my boyfriend raped her) with her love. She was already planning to go ! We have proof over texts that he was not even with her alone that day at all! I saw all her pictures that she was posting on face book while she had ran away and she is all happy and does not look like a little girl that has been raped. She did not look like she was in pain at all. Now she is saying that I am on drugs and that I need help. She is mad because I do not believe her. My family does not believe her either, But she is sticking to her word. Her dads family does believe her and that is where she is now. My whole life has been turned upside down from one day to the next...It will never be the same again !!!! Please help...WHAT DO I DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want her to ruin his life. Whether its my boyfriend or any body else....Its not right to put somebody through this if it is not true. She does not realize what she is doing and what is really sad...Is that she does not care what she is doing to me , her brother and sisters, and my boyfriend !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELP !!!!!!!!!

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NaritaZuana - posted on 06/17/2013

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Dear Natalie, I believe she only feel left alone at the corner side and that's why she burst out her anger all this while. It's great to know that you really take the accusation she charged on your bf seriously, I hope she will know that you are not bias after all. However, during the process of investigation never show her that you are not trusting her.

Yet, that is not the end of this prolong issue. I suggest you both to take your own sweet time together. Both of you might go for short vacation where you can start winning back her love. Start from scratch, explain to her why you and her dad can't be back together. I believe until now she's hoping that she will have her dad back in your house and that's make she hurt your bf so much. Because, when he still there there would be no room for her dad. You can't compare her to your another kids because in fact, man are different from each other.

For your bf...as long as he honestly loves you, he will understand and keep waiting until the cloud pass by.

Wish you & your daughter the very best of luck.

Jessica - posted on 06/15/2013

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I'm 19 and my mom and I had a rough relationship all through my high school years. I didn't act to the extent that your daughter has and I don't think that you should be ashamed of her, she's at an age where she's very impressionable and needs the most attention due to puberty and raging hormones. I can only tell you that you'll regret not spending more time with her and punishing her a lot. If I could go back and be 14 or 15 again, I'd want my mom and I to get along better and have open communication not just mom being the punisher, that's why your daughter is rebelling so much, she may feel like she knows everything but she's got a lot to learn and she is probably being misled due to the different lifestyles you and your ex have. She may be enthralled by their easygoing lifestyle but its not always true that the grass is greener on the other side. Open up to her and tell her about the experiences you had as a rebelling teen and how you overcame and had to deal with consequences to your actions. Make it a point to set up mommy and daughter dates and let her know you love her everyday. My mom and I still struggle to get along and due to fighting I moved out, I don't want your daughter to go through the rough patches I went through. For a year I used weed and drank and thought it was ok to party but in the end I realized I needed my mom more than ever because I couldn't do it all on my own. She is so young and has her whole life to live she probably just needs proper guidance and a role model she can call her best friend. I wish you two the best of luck and God bless

Eve - posted on 06/14/2013

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Boyfriends come and go, but she is your daughter for life. Would you rather believe her and have it end up being a lie? Or would you rather accuse her of lying and find out she truly was raped? IMHO, the first is the lesser of two evils. Whether she was raped or not, this is her cry for help!!! For some women, drugs and alcohol and faking being happy is the only way they know how to cope with something traumatic like being raped, so you never can tell. While the police gets to the bottom of this investigation, you need to show her love and support instead of constantly defending your boyfriend. Like I said, boyfriends come and go, but she is your daughter for life.

Bambi - posted on 06/14/2013

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We are missing some key information to try and give advice. When she ran away for 5 days were the police called? Was a missing persons report filed? When she came back and said your boyfriend hit and raped her, did you show any support? Did you call the police ? You know your daughter better than we do and found the evidence that points to her lying, did you show the evidence to your ex? This is a very tough situation, and as hard as it is for mothers to hear, children are not perfect and do lie to hurt others. If she was lying then the damage has been done because you and your boyfriend will never be the same after this, if she is not lying and you didn't support her that is damaging as well. If she is how you say she is with anger issues and needs help, are you getting it for her? At this point if she is now saying that you are on drugs, take a drug test prove them wrong. You said dad's family, is dad included or is it his parents? Everything you have described about your daughter points to her having ODD, look it up and get her help and support her. This is your daughter and she needs your support, get passed your anger with her and learn to forgive. Talk to her , there are too many what ifs.

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Natalie - posted on 06/14/2013

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Thank you all for your comments...

Well when she ran away...yes the police were called. I did file a missing persons report. When she came home...I did call the police and did take her to the hospital. CPS is now investigating the situation and I am showing her support. I am being truly honest with her about my feelings. I am still taking her to all her Dr. appts and probation . We have a appt. set Monday for Counseling and anger man. I asked our CPS case worker to please help me get her the proper help she needs. We are working on that . This is fresh so we are taking it one step at a time. I Love my daughter and I do listen to her. Maybe not as much as she wants or needs me to. I have 4 kids and work fulltime plus another job on the weekends. She started acting this way after I took her phone away about a month ago. Things just have not been the same since then. Her dad is 50/50 with the situation. His family are the ones that are babying her. That is why she always wants to be with them . They let her get away with anything. His dad smokes weed and drinks everyday. His mom never holds a job and let her daughter who is now 23 drop out of school when she was in 8th grade , has never returned back nor has had a job just like her mom , and also stays home and smokes weed all day. My daughter wants to go live with them ! I will not let that happen. I will let her go with my family who will make sure to guide her down the right path and are very big on education. His family just tells her to get her GED !!! My daughter is being influenced by these people who have never respected my home while my boyfriend was there and felt they could come over when ever they wanted and walk in the house. NO RESPECT WHAT SO EVER !!! Since they have moved into town about 3 months ago...She has been wanting to go with them. I just saw yesterday on her facebook ...That when she is their home...She is drinking and smoking. She posted pictures and comments . Not so smart . This is how I am finding so much out about my daughter. I will not let her turn out like them. I set my rules and she does not like them. So she is rebelling against me ! I am doing what I need to do to get her help. My other girls tell me that they hate the way she treats me . They always tell me that I am a good mom and thank me everyday I wake them up for school and make breakfast and take them to school. Because their dad never does it ! I talked to my Pastor at church as well and he is helping us . I wont give up ! I just don't know how to handle this situation. Now about he drug test... I have set the appt for that also ...just to prove them wrong. My boyfriend has set up an appt. to get a polygraph test done. We are all trying . I just know my daughter to well. That is why I doubt her, but I will definatly still investigate the situation.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013

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This girl clearly needs someone in her corner, since her whole family feels she is a no good liar.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013

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Well, I am gonna tell you...reading your post it does not sound like you believe her, actually it says you think she is lying, and that you don't want to ruin his life...which makes it sound like you are doing nothing about it. Get your daughter into therapy, or counseling, or whatever. If not for the potential rape, for all of her anger issues. You are saying your family does not believe her either....sounds like everyone just thinks she is a big liar. THAT is not going to help her. Even if she is lying, this is a major deal. Do not dismiss her feelings. You say how much you love your boyfriend, but did not see a single word about how you love her...or how you are helping her. So my response is based on what you wrote.

Natalie - posted on 06/13/2013

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I am investigating the situation, I am not just going to leave her out like that ! My boyfriend is out of the house until this is all over . I really don't think our relationship will even work out ever again anyways ! If he really did rape her I would hate it ! I am protecting her!!!! The situation is under investigation as we speak ! I am clearly asking for opinions ...maybe another mother out there has gone through this and can give advise !

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013

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You said very clearly that your daughter needs help and has anger issues. Why are you NOT getting her the help she needs? I don't care what your daughter has done in the past....if she is crying rape, it needs to be investigated. I would keep your boyfriend the hell out of your house until you find out the truth. If he really did rape her, how would that make you feel? It would ruin her life and create more trust issues. You are there to protect her. You at least could investigate the situation.

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