I think my husband is bipolar

LynnM - posted on 12/15/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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So last night I was cleaning my house and I had moved some boxes into the closet in our room and when My husband got home he got mad because they weren't where he wanted them. He flipped and started dumping the boxes on the floor and took the changing table and tipped it over. then he broke a few things that were in the closet. the whole time he was yelling at me and saying "have fun cleaning this up bitch". then he stopped and told me he was done and that he was moving back in with his grandma and that me and the kids could live here and he would pay for it. then he said he never even wanted kids but didn't want to be alone. after the fight was over it was like a switch was flipped and he started saying he was sorry and that he wasn't going to leave and that he didn't know why he said all the things he did and that me and the kids are his world and that he love them and being a dad. and He kept saying he didn't know why he got so mad over something so small.

His family has a history of anger problems and bipolar. His mom is bipolar (But I think she is more BPD, my sister is BPD and they act so alike). and his Uncle use to beat him up and take his anger out on my husband from when he was a little kid till his Uncle moved out of his grandma's. so I wander if he just doesn't know how to control his anger because this is how he saw his uncle act.

I just don't know how much more I can take. the other day he acted like he was gonna hit me while I was holding my son and a few minutes later my son did the same thing to me when he was mad. I want to get him help, but don't know who to talk to. if I said anything to his family they would just take it out on him or me (depending on who I talk to) and I don't want that.

His good days are great and he is an amazing Dad and husband. but his bad days are hell. and I just don't know what to do anymore!

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Ashley - posted on 12/16/2012

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also, when you are going to change anything in your house or how things are normally ran, (like moving those boxes), let him know first. tell him what you are thinking about doing and get his opinion on it, so he still feels like he has a say in things, and so he does not come home and everything is differant. even the smallest changes, like moving those boxes, could be a trigger for the bipolar. so make sure he knows what to expect before just doing it.

Ashley - posted on 12/16/2012

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my husband is bipolar. as well as our oldest son. on one of his good days, talk to him about seeing a therapist and maybe getting on medicine to help control the anger. my husband does not see a doctor anymore and does not take medicine anymore, but he has learned how to control it more. he still has his times when he cant control it, but its not very often, and i have learned how to calm him down instead of making it worse. however when he was first diagnosed, he could not control it at all, so he was on medicine and seeing a therapist.
if your husband refuses to do any of that, then try differant things to calm him down when he has the anger. keep trying until you figure out something that works. try staying in another room until he calms down, try hugging him and telling him you love him, try not to fight back or say anything that could make him madder. try getting his attention on something else. dont give up on him, he needs you and he needs help to learn how to deal with it. look up on the internet about it, so you have more information on exactly what it is, what he is going through, how he feels, and the ways you would be able to help him, and be able to deal with it yourself. i did alot of research and i understand alot more now, than i did then. i think it really helped me to be able to somewhat understand so i can stay calm and try to calm him down, instead of saying whatever comes to my mind at the time and making it worse.
also, when he starts having the anger, make sure your kids are not where they can see or hear anything. let them play outside, go to a nieghbor friends, or if your house is big enough, make them go to a room on the opposite side of the house and turn on some music or turn the tv up loud enough so they can not hear the things he says, because it will hurt them just as it does you.

Katherine - posted on 12/15/2012

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Why don't you suggest marriage counseling? Or if that doesn't work at least get some counseling for you. It sounds like he DOES have something going on and if you are afraid he is going to actually hit you then maybe it's time to separate for a bit? At least until he gets some help. That's just my opinion anyways.....

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