i think my husband is molesting my 4 year old niece

Whitney Ashtyn - posted on 08/23/2013 ( 60 moms have responded )

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my niece is really colse to my husband. she si constantly trying to rub and touch him, even sit on his lap or show him her underwear. recentl i have noticed she does things like try to fix her hair so he doesnt see that its a mess. the other day her was laying on the floor and she sat right in front of him in a dress with her legs wide open. when i asked him to get up he said just a minute so i made him get up. i noticed that his penis was hard. when i confronted himhe told me i was crazy. when i asked if he was molesting her the only thing he said was why would she say that and i guess she cant come over here anymore. he was very calm about it and it made me feel really weird. he only recently doesnt let her sit on his lap because i said something right in front of both of them. she still trys to sit right next to him and puts her hand on his knee. when i asked her if he touched her she got a smug little smile on her face and told me no. she doesnt like me to touch him at all when she is around? am i crazy or does something seem fishy?

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Denise - posted on 08/26/2013

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You need to call the authorities NOW. Just the fact that he had an erection while she was playing with her legs open in front of him is a warning sign. If he hasn't already molested her, he certainly is in his mind. You need to protect that little girl ASAP! Call the police and report that you believe something is happening. Innocent men do not act like that. My husband would be SO offended if I ever asked him that because he'd think it was sick to even think about it!

It also seems like your post insinuates that the 4 year old is acting like his mistress, "touching him, talking smug, wanting his attention", etc. Four year old girls are VICTIMS. She is not trying to seduce your husband, so I hope you leave that thought out of your head. Maybe it was just the way you posted this, but it felt you are thinking along those lines, and this kid needs to be protected, not blamed in any way.

Meself - posted on 11/02/2014

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Where you realy can not be to cairfull, you realy do have to be Shure of what action you take, as ither whay there will be damage done. I find my self as an uncle now charged with sexual assalt and sexual interferance of an 8 yo neice, and before you go in to the dogma of children don't lie about sexual i counters that may not how ever when there is a susspition by a mother or other adult in the childs life that may see inoCent contact with the child as somthing nefarious, the questioning of a child may as is in my situation cause the child to please the adult making the enquiries as for me this is to have happend over a period of two years, and yes my neice would do things like try and touch or expose her self for attention and I'm hoping out of cureoaity, I'm an older male that delighted in becoming one of the children and let them direct the play and conversation, however there was no intent or thought of sexual nature at all the attention payed and revived to and from my neice was questions at times and I know that thay did the right thing by limiting where play took place, my neices mom did a little Internet reading as I also sat for a frend and she thought it was wrong of me to befriend the child I sat fore also 6 yo I was questions by my brother who also took the net to be gospel and wold not here my denial of wrong doing and I think this is dew to his wife's controlling nature. Long story short I don't know how to defend and prove inocence as eny thing that cold point to inocence can be twisted into covert action of gilt. So where it is right you need to protect the child the caust may be prety hi as now dew to the acusatuon by my neices mom I may go to jail and have to regesterd for somthing that never happens in the first place. As an uncle you are supposed to be good to neices and nephues and can be a little remiss when it comes to behaviour kinda along the lines of a sub in school, and yes eny body that takes advantage of the position for perpoces beond that should face concequences, but by jumping to eny conclusion you may cause more damages now my neice is living with a lie that she probibly can't understand she will have to appear in court and I do have to say she is a lier and still face incarceration. She my neice will at some point however long it takes realize the gravity of the lie she told and the damage done. My neice I will forever forgive no matter what happens as she is just @ 8 pleasing the mother as her mother will not take eny other answer then the one she is looking for and this is with other adults as well cutting aqua ranches out for not adopting her points of view. Please do protect the child but there has to be other ways then opening the leagle system as once this is open the damage where there is no crime realy begins and if there is infect a crime the damage is done and healing needs to begin and yes I have no simpathy for the abuser, and again I'm accused and charged and wondering how im going prove inoCent and wondering how where there is thank god no phiscal evadance how the crown is going to prove beoud dought that there was a crime this is a tarable travesty as there are those out there who do take advantage of children and as I know there are those out there who don't and find them selfs in my same position please try and be Shure of what you are looking at before going the reporte rought as you may be off in left feald and cause a lot more hert if not emedeatly in later life for the child emedeatly for you and your family as is the case here sorry for your predicament but I need to try and explain the flip side to the who deal

[deleted account]

If his penis was hard when he got up after watching her with her legs open what more proof do you need? She is a child and your husband is an adult and you need realize that. if you don't do something he will ruin her whole life.

Chris - posted on 05/05/2014

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Why not just tattoo pedophile on his forehead, tar and feather him and post his photo on Facebook. If you suspect anything why are you posting it on here? I read through the comments that are littered with the implication that because the niece is close to him there is obviously something bad going on. All men are potential pedophiles so its okay to reinforce and perpetuate the common belief mostly without justification.

Men get erections for many reasons and at some very inconvenient moments like playgrounds, swimming pools, schools, shopping centers hospitals, in workshops and while making love to their wives or girlfriends. But if a child is within 100 meters he must be having evil thoughts about the child.. If the child likes him and sits in his lap he is getting off on it. If he shows the child affection or gets on with the child he must obviously be grooming the child and sneaking the child off into the shadows to play grown up games. Here's a suggestion to all you women; keep all of us men on farms where you can collect our sperm to perpetuate the species but please oh please don't let us near your children we can't control ourselves. Once the baby boys start walking keep them away from the girls because they wont be able to help themselves. But you can't put them with the grown men they aren't safe. Sadly once they reach puberty they will have to be put on the farms as well or they might soil the purity of the female species or start molesting the children as well after all its an inherent trait among men. (NOTE THE SARCASTIC OVERTONES)

Jessica - posted on 08/29/2013

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Every state/county is mandated to have a child abuse organization that is trained to speak with small children. These counselors are educated in how to speak with children to get answers. Many times molestors "groom" children with attention, love and gifts to earn their trust and keep them quiet. Somewhat like bribery - "if you love me, of you love the things I do for you, the gifts you get, etc...this has to be our secret" and such behavior. For a small child who craves attention and love and does not know this behavior is WRONG, they will remain quiet. In Michigan, this place is called "Care House". We visited one as part of an offsite learning experience for school. Many times you yourself can visit these places to be educated on the warning signs of abuse. I highly suggest it. It is important to follow up on this, and god willing the whole thing is just a weird coincidence. However, it of NOT, than that child will need professional help to aid in her adjustment to becoming a productive adult later in life. Often children of abuse will harbor psychological consequences and engage in risky behavior because of their early experiences. Your nieces well being must be dealt with first and foremost and "keeping her away" is not the solution. If there is nothing going on then keeping her away will damage her psychologically (feels unwanted) and if there is something going on she deserves swift attentive care. Also, as much as I love the father of my children, not knowing would end in resentment and that love would become corrupted. If he were guilty of such a thing it would be immediately over. If he were innocent, then I'd have the satisfaction of not wondering for the rest of my life as well as the knowledge that I had done the best I could by an innocent child. This is a tough river to wade in, but it is one that must be crossed.

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Meself - posted on 11/02/2014

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I to am a uncle that tryed to be an uncle and now faces prossiqution for spending time with the children, and now understand why it is that some uncles ants and perent a don't spend time with there children, as it is becoming that the femail species see it as a problem your sarcasm is not far from wrong and that is so varry wrong we are getting kinda close to woodi Alens sleeper as far as sexuality or knolage of sutch as children are being eased to think that there body's and those of others are bad and that playing eny kind of tactual game is bad even where the game has no sexual value or intent it is touch and there for bad. Pitty the new gen children. Can't say that abuse of touch and abuse of children dose not nore has not taken place putty the child but it is now getting to a frenzied pace again as every day there is new headlines of children being abused unfortunatly some are but more and more it is becoming just the merror acusation is just the beginning of hell for the accused and some have to be the problem is that even where the truth of the matter is that no abuse has occoured there is abuse being purpotrated on a child maby not of a sexual act directly but emotionally indused sexual experiances injected into the childs reality whows to be male sic to be the parrent full of susspition and malis

Meself - posted on 11/02/2014

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Cleared is not likly to happen just do a little reading, the dogma is still a child would not lie about such things, the dogma however dose not look at coaching or over questioning by other well mening or sic individuals in the childs life, and will tend to ither pleas the inquiery or her self just to make the questions stop. Leaving a whake of distraction that she can have no ida she has brought about, the child may in fact have not been assalted, one accused though the law says presumption of innocence, and a little more reading will show that the law also says that the accused will and has all opertunitys to prove his inocence how in the hell do you do this where all that Is needed to convict is the word of abuse the crown sertinly can't prove gilt where there was no crime and the accused can't answer to a crime bit committed as there is no coobiration or phiscal evadance required just the word of the accuser and the better storry, and if it's a child why whole thay no the details of abuse as deceived in a questioning again as I have posted before I know that child abuse dose happen and know some that there was evadance to back the storry given by the child, it is kinda hard to fake evadance and sadly this is what needs to be brought back as proof of offence not just id of perp where what when approximately as thees things can and are as in what I'm facing be taught or described to the child by enybody with a reason or susspition oh and if you realy think a child is being abused and there is no evadance pay attention to the child and susspect if itbis family cut ties or supervise better as I can tell you this will hert the child for a long time in her futer if it is faulcy or malisgiusly. Reported and if that is the case the accuser should get some real help as thay them selfs become the abuser of the child

Slug - posted on 10/08/2014

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I can find out! Does he have a Facebook? Or does she have a Facebook? Email me and we can talk about this

Rosella - posted on 01/02/2014

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you aren't crazy at all, i think something was going on, talk to professionals about it

Olawunmi Goloba - posted on 08/30/2013

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I think u should take them 2 d Professionals let dem talk 2 both of them cos is better that way there is somtin fishy about ur hubby

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2013

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Some of her behavior may be normal, but it doesn't sound like his is. It's quite an accusation for any adult to be questioned about them touching a child in such a way. If he was innocent, you would think he would raise more of a fuss to the case and be appalled at the thought instead of being aroused.

If he is not doing anything to her, someone else may be, and she is just exhibiting behaviors that she thinks she's supposed to because of that.

Either way, I would definitely bring it up to her mother asap, and encourage her to take her to a professional to find out. Definitely wouldn't advise speaking in length about in front of your niece, for fear of her getting the idea in her head and making false statements, if nothing is really happening to her.

And, I would definitely re-evaluate your relationship. Look at him a little closer. Do you want to have children with him, or if you already do, do you really trust him to be around them. Follow your instincts.

Tandy - posted on 08/30/2013

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It sounds normal, I have had experience with the normal behavior and the not normal. I disagree with telling him she said he did because if he is it puts that child in a bad light and unsafe situations, if he isn't then it could make him mad at her or afraid of her unjustly. If this is the behavior that has you concerned I say it is normal but trust yourself. Say something to your sister and go get your niece checked by professionals. Don't say anything to her because if he has it could appear as she was coached but if you don't say anything to her they will ask and she will say that you dint say anything. Leave it to the professionals. Trust your instincts.

Daisy - posted on 08/29/2013

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This is really sickening to read. I would be horrified to be in such a position.
Firstly it is common for girls to have fascinations with men in the family, I had and still have a very close relationship with my uncle and not once did he ever touch or look at me in the wrong way. My cousin is a little girl and she is absolutely in love with my dad and my partner. She has on occasion kissed my partner more than what is acceptable (eg. Hello and Goodbye) and rubbed her body against him and he just tells her to stop and her behavior is unacceptable. It could be completely innocent but your comment about him being aroused by her showing her undies is disturbing and sort of has me thinking it's not so innocent...

Firstly I would be having a very lengthy conversation with your niece and having your sister do the same. Then I would be having a stern conversation with your hubby and informing you that you have spoken to your niece and now you want his side of the story and refuse to say what your niece has told you. Even if you have to lie to ask him if he's touched her because she said so, you can gauge his reaction to the question.

If that was my partner he would be going bright red with anger and cursing a million profanities and telling me I was smoking some serious crack and I think he would probably leave me if I questioned him about such a thing... Hell if my partner did I would be absolutely fuming so for him to be calm about you implying he has a pedophilia nature is a concern.

I would be calling child services and police as they will be able to help and this isn't something that should be taking as innocent child play. Girls do rub themselves just like little boys like to play with their penies but boys playing with their doodles is more acceptable than girls rubbing themselves. It is better to be safe than sorry and if there is something happening, he really does need to have these issues sorted immediately because this is certainly not right and he is sick.

Keista - posted on 08/29/2013

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that sounds fishy. don't allow them to be alone together if they both leave to go in another room follow them to see what they r doing

Modifiedmother - posted on 08/29/2013

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I would say so, that sounds pretty fishy.... Watch out and keep a close eye on him. I watch enough of the ID channel to know better..

Muthanature820 - posted on 08/29/2013

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@little must can't be wrong.
Thank for deleting that post, thats was so disgusting to even think of something to say like that, let along write it.

Laura - posted on 08/29/2013

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I just joined today and feel compelled to give an expeirience. I was three when my mother left me in full time daycare at the ywca back in the very early 70s. The male daycare provider that worked there made me sit on his lap every while his penis was erect. He was a pedophile obviously. He also made me touch it with his hand. I cried in terror everyday my mother left me there until I started regular school. I never told my mom. This stuff happens to children everday. You should speak to someone proffessional abiut your concerns. Be careful how you explain your suspicions. Some people will accy

User - posted on 08/29/2013

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Oh my goodness. You are in my prayers. I would keep a very close watch on this and definitely follow your instincts.

Nicole - posted on 08/29/2013

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The same thing happened to my little sister by her stepdad and your story sounds EXACTLY the same. If your gut is telling u something, dont ignore it! Keep watching and dont allow them to be alone together no matter what!!
Good luck...my prayers are with u and the little girl. May god keep her safe and happy...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/29/2013

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***MoD WaRnInG***

If I see any more personal attacks, or disgraceful nasty posts, I will be locking this thread. Stay on topic ladies, and if you cannot...then walk away. I have already deleted 1 post, and will be reviewing this thread for more.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Onetraeh - posted on 08/29/2013

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@ adebukunola;'unfortunately men get tempted whether the girl is 4,5 or 20'?wht in the FUCK is wrong with u.I'm starting to think there's a lot of trolls on this website.too disgusted for words right now & @ alejandra;u said 'I think tht she is the one tht's trying to get him to notice her or the one tht's causing it all'???u twisted & mentally ill people r talking about a FOUR year old INNOCENT CHILD!kindly GTFOH!

Adebukunola - posted on 08/29/2013

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Whitney, follow your instinct! If you can avoid your niece coming to your house, do that immediately. Also, pay attention to your husband carefully without him noticing so you can tell if he is having some affection for other girls/women. When I was 4-6yrs, I was alittle attracted to young men (like play alot with them and wear my best clothes but nothing sexual). Its Sigmund Freud's theory about young girls. Your niece might be having the same reaction I had but to avoid problems, please get her out of there. Unfortunately, men get tempted whether the girl is 4,5, or 20. Goodluck and share with us whatever progress or otherwise.

Onetraeh - posted on 08/29/2013

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@ kaylea;watch out for your sons too.some of these creeps like the boys

Kaylea - posted on 08/29/2013

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This made me feel sick reading ... If he molested her or not he got an erection from a child !! He needs to see a dr seriously and further actions should be taken for that in itself ! I pray to god I never have a daughter because of men like this in the world !!

Mary - posted on 08/28/2013

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Go with your instinct. ..Your not crazy. Your probably right. I had experienced a similar situation...Go with your gut feeling.

Jane - posted on 08/28/2013

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Something is definitely fishy! Listen to your gut, it sounds to me like something is wrong and I would not let your little niece around your husband! I would definitely keep your radar up and don't let him talk you out of anything. Maybe do some research about signs of molestation and how the molester tries to manipulate situations. Good luck with this one.

Muthanature820 - posted on 08/28/2013

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Thats horrible to say. I pray to god I never socailize w/ people like you. Not nice. :(

Alejandra - posted on 08/28/2013

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If you suspect something the best thing you can do is try to keep then as far away from each other as possible but if you say he has backed up from her since you confronted him about it then what i think is that she is the one thats trying to get him to notice her or the one thats cousing it all so just keep them apart before something else really happens and good luck ;-)

Hannah - posted on 08/28/2013

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Talk to her mom, take her to her doctor and put the fear of god in ur husband!

Muthanature820 - posted on 08/28/2013

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Ok guys, calm down. She Is probably nervous, think about what could be happening. How would you feel? Its heartbreaking to think this could even be true. First I would def go right to that pediatrician & I'm sure they will give you play by play what steps to handle this situattion. Up & first most I would be speaking to her mother. I pray for you & your family. Your husband might be very well & sick man. It's best to STOP it asap. You wouldn't Want allow this behavior to continue & for him to possibly hurt others ex even your own children. Take a deep breathe & do what you have to do as hard as it may be. :(

Mary - posted on 08/27/2013

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It can't be proven by a pediatrician if she has been molested, I learned this at parenting classes. But u can ask her if she has ever been touched by anyone on her vagina, or anywhere that didnt feel comfortable to her.

Tinamarie - posted on 08/27/2013

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Anna o im sorry to let you know but not all this stuff on here is happy stuff. Parents cme to other parents for advice no matter what situation it is. And we shoupd be there to give the most helpful advice. Thats what this page is all about to help . So i.must say i am praying for her and her family . And especially the lil girl involved. No babys should be hurt in any way.god bless

Ms. - posted on 08/27/2013

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1st....Have her checked by a pediatrician, 2nd if it comes out she has been touched, have him arrested, and move on with ur life

You wasting too much time writing this post...WTH. These 4 yr. old lil darlings can be busyyyy, there is no telling what the baby girl has seen at home or anywhere for that matter. Ur hubby got a hard on looking at your niece, WOW, him & his hard on would have been gone that nite, so you must be a lonoley ole soul to put up with that, & hopefully you havent had your niece around.

Did you say anything to the childs parents? No time to be shame honey, UR HUBBY IS A PERV PLAIN & SIMPLE!

Onetraeh - posted on 08/27/2013

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@ tykisha;thank you & plus she said tht the girl 'got a smug little smile on her face'.how does a 4 year old know how to be smug & why in hell would she be smug about some pervert touching her anyways.ugghhh I'm sick & nauseous.

Tykisha - posted on 08/26/2013

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onetraeh I'm with u, I totally agree! To me it seem that it is the male "husband" is posting this.& a lot of child molesters seem to think thr child is coming on to them. Ok if this is actually the woman, u mention what yout niece do as of you blame her. He got a hard on, if that ain't give u enough insight then I don't know what else you need!

Brianna - posted on 08/26/2013

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sounds like it to me would do something right away that is wrong and sick! i just went through something my self almost like this but not this bad well bad but in different ways

Kristagingrich - posted on 08/26/2013

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Have her examined immediately. I can imagine this is very difficult for you as it is your husband we are talking about, but you must put the child first in this case. I feel there is enough odd behavior from them both that action needs to be taken. Best of luck, I am so sorry you are dealing with this issue.

Kari - posted on 08/26/2013

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Beter safe than sorry, you need to act on this immediately, for your nieces sake!

Shawna - posted on 08/26/2013

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I would most definetley take her to the doctor and see if your suspisions are correct. Unless there was something special on the TV he should not be getting aroused by that and that would indefinetley make me worry

Anna - posted on 08/26/2013

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OMG why you asking mums about this, take her a doctor and tell her parents, omg i cant beleive the post, i wouldnt post this stuff i would act. i thought this circle of mums was to share happy stuff not traumatic stuff, you need to be careful when these posts go on here your not retraumatising victims of child abuse that had occurred in our younger years. this just brought back some bad memories for me. i was a victim of sexual abuse from the age of 4 til i was 15, i now in my 40's and still cant stand being touched by my husband without feeling ashamed and abused all over again. sexual abuse is so defiling on the soul it never heals, the memories dont fade EVER. i spent 9 years in therapy over it. i thought that my behavoir of getting mens attention was what love was. how wrong i was when i realised what love is really about, my real healing came when i had my 1st baby, unconditional love and protection. please stop the sexual abuse before her life is totally destroyed. and can some one please talk about happy moments with their bub.
anna

Gena - posted on 08/25/2013

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Hi Susan with the High IQ. . She didnt acuse him of doing it,she asked us if it seems fishy.Cant be sued for that.His name has not once been mentiond,and if she is logged in with her real name..who knows? So i dont think anybody here must be worried of being sued.

Onetraeh - posted on 08/25/2013

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pardon?first of all a number of things r off about wht u said (a) your niece is always trying to rub & touch him,sit on his lap & show him her underwear...I'm not sure how old your niece is but the way u worded tht is creepy & weird since if she is being molested she is a victim & not an instigator of some unwanted attention from a child predator...sick. (b) she tries to fix her hair...okaaay? (c) she sat in front of him in a dress with her legs open...ok & I guess she was looking for attention by doing tht?honestly this type of shit is beyond my experience but the way this post is written is making me a little sick to my stomach becuz it's creepy as hell.I dearly hope tht it's just a prank & some little girl isn't being violated becuz all u sick fucks should keep your hands to yourselves.

wait wait wait I just reread the heading of this post & it says your niece is 4?your 4 year old niece tries to fix her hair.sick.like this post just ain't right

Dove - posted on 08/25/2013

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Susan... why are you bragging about a high IQ... and how can anyone responding be sued? We haven't done anything..... I'd like to see this scumbags attorney find all the responders TO sue.... lol Didn't your high IQ tell you how unlikely that would be?

John - posted on 08/25/2013

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My wife was abused when she was 6. All the way till she was 18 she would kill for her father but now that we are a married couple her sad childhood and mental trauma has ruined our sex drive and is on the edge of divorce. Act now to avoid drama in her future

Susan - posted on 08/25/2013

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oh my that is WAy to much to publicly Writing about it . Any reply s could even get sued by his attorney on here. He may be wrong but the follow up will counter act..... Susan been studying Iowa Law for 5 years with my High IQ.

Ashley - posted on 08/24/2013

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If u think that and feel it in ur heart then its probably true go to police and her family. Dont let him b around her.

Oliver - posted on 08/23/2013

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First of all, trust your feelings.
Secondly you could always install a camera without telling anyone and see if its true or not.
That's where I would begin.

O

Michelle - posted on 08/23/2013

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It's always best to include as much information as possible in your original posts so others can give you advice you are after.
You didn't mention he was banned from seeing her OR that you had already started an investigation so people replied as if you hadn't.
There's no need to get angry at people for just letting you know the first steps to take when they didn't know you already had.

Dove - posted on 08/23/2013

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No one has been rude to you, Whitney. Don't take your anger at what happened to you and what may be happening to your niece out on a bunch of women that YOU came to for advice. Definitely pursue an investigation as it definitely sounds fishy. I would also recommend some counseling for yourself in regards to what happened to you... and I hope you do not have any children with this man.

Kristina Martinez De La - posted on 08/23/2013

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I don't think anyone was rude to you. You never stated that he couldn't see her anymore(you said he said i guess she cant come over anymore, but not if it was enforced) nor did you mention you started an investigation. We are all saying you should call the cops. Saying we're a horrible group of mothers is extreme. The way the original post was worded honestly made it seem like you hadn't done anything yet. No one was saying you're an idiot. You don't need to get mad at us for being worried about your four year old niece. And basically were all saying its not normal. I am hoping by you saying you started an investigation you mean with the cops. Honestly if my husband was responding that way with a little girl I'd flip sh*t and cops would be the safe bet for him.

Bethany - posted on 08/23/2013

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At what point wa anyone rise to you? You asked for advice and that's what mothers have given you! Don't ask for opionions if its not what you want to hear

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