[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )
I'll try to make this quick. My husband is a neat freak and is verbally abusive when he gets angry. My parents never taught my sister and I to do chores but when we were teens we would help our mother with laundry and cooking duties. And I went through a phase when I had to clean my room spotlessly every weekend for myself (I have a bit of OCD). I hated doing dishes tho, and still do. And lets just say my husband comes from a family who do the dishes immediately after every meal, breakfast, lunch or supper. His mother and sister also have a maid who comes around every week to do the floors, vacumming (spell, crap i forgot) and mopping etc. As soon as we moved in together the problems started, I had never cleaned a toilet before, and I was doing it wrong. The way I did dishes was wrong and I was leaving them to stand too long. I didn't clean the tiled walls in the bathroom properly etc. He eventually started to watch me and point my mistakes out, which usually ended in a fight. We are both strong, stubborn personalities but I am more laid back and relaxed. I also suffer from anxiety and tend to build walls to stop myself feeling and getting too anxious. I will also say that I started getting depressed in my teens and it's escalated to this day, affecting my memory quite badly. So I often forget what he told me to do, or I forget to "behave and do what I'm, supposed to be doing" and it results in him telling me I'm just ignoring him, being lazy etc. Especially as sometimes I only do what I'm supposed to (putting things away, not leaving clothes or dishes lying around etc) for two weeks or so and then I'm back to my old ways. We have now recently moved into a new home and have a nine month old daughter. He knows I suffer from depression and am now on medication. That hasn't really helped me except that I'm not also thinking suicidal thoughts anymore every time we have a fight. Just after we moved in we got a maid in one day who talked more than she cleaned, and took half a day to clean out or new empty kitchen cupboards and the bathroom, by the time it was 4 pm i just wanted her gone. I'd unpacked a lot of boxes and they stood outside ready when for when the dustbin men came. I took her to the nearest station and got home. My husband then came home with our baby and saw all the work I'd done. However he flew into a massive rage because one of the kitchen counters was full of crap and I hadn't cleared it and he needed to study from his internship on it - but he hadn't told me that. He smacked a microwave cover on the counter and told me I was fucked-up, lazy, and my parents did a fucked-up job of raising me. I was also a stupid bitch and if anything doesn't change soon he's leaving and taking my daughter away from me (because when he tells them how I behave at home and how lazy I am he will get the child). He's threatend to leave me a few times because I'm a lazy bitch. He does call me stupid every now and then - in a joking way - my opinions are air-headed and I don't sound intelligent. He does also say he loves me tho and I'm pretty etc. Just recently the verbal abuse is getting worse, and all of it is just over the cleaning. If I step out of line and forget something I'm in trouble. I put out the ironing machine this morning to iron my work clothes - I work from 7 (by choice because If I started later I end work later) to 4, sometimes I have to stay till 5, or 6, and I've been up since 5am.
ANYWAYS, I left the iron out because I saw his shirt folded and thought he still needed to iron his clothes, but I got called back for leaving it out because I was too lazy to put it back, even though I told him I thought he still needed it - But according to him I didn't ASK him first.