I thought my 16 year old daughter and I were inseparable, apparently I was wrong

Kimberly - posted on 10/28/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm almost at a total loss for words, so I hope I can get this out right. I have been envied by many parents over the years for having such a wonderful, respectful, beautiful daughter. She rarely sass talks me and I can't remember the last time I had to put her on restriction. The biggest problem I've had with her is having to constantly ask her to clean her room, dump her aluminum cans and unload the dishwasher. One week has changed my life. Last Monday, after having a bit of a bad day at school, she decided she wanted to change school districts. I told her that wasn't a good idea and whatever problem she was facing we could just get it figured out. She is a varsity cheerleader and having a minor problem with some fellow cheerleaders. I called her dad (my ex of 10 years) who agreed with me she should not change schools. He seemed to back me up and for years has praised my parenting of her and her brother. He told me she could come to his house and "cool off" and I said ok. Worst decision of my life. She went to her dad's who proceeded to tell her this was HER DECISION, he SUPPORTED WHATEVER SHE WANTED TO DO and COULD MOVE IN WITH HIM! That's all she needed. The rest of the week she treated me poorly, back talked and had a bad attitude. On Friday, I had enough and told her if she wanted to go so bad to have at it. She could not pack her things fast enough. I told her I really wished she would change her mind; begged and pleaded with her matter of fact. She still walked out. She is starting her new school tomorrow. Gave up her car, cheerleading, everything. I'm devastated and am barely functioning. She has lived a very privileged, stable home life with my husband and I. Her bio dad is completely irresponsible, penniless, manipulative and she is now sharing a room with ferrets. I honestly feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/29/2014

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Well, in most areas, at the age of 16, the child is given choice of residence, so I'd have to say that your ex didn't 'sabotage' anything, he told her the truth. She did have a choice of residence.

Perhaps she felt that you didn't show enough support for her situation at school, which may have seemed 'minor' to you, but to the person living with it (and that peer group...cheerleaders...NOTHING is 'minor' to that group) it was apparently major, and needed attention, not being blown off.

She did what she felt she had to do for herself, and her mental health. Perhaps, for her, the 'privileged' life wasn't what she needed, but some simple human interaction and attention. It does sound to me that you may be a bit too focused on the material things, rather than the more important emotional side.

Be supportive, don't criticize her for her rightful choice to live with her father. She may decide to come back, and she may not, but you're still her mother. Love her.

Athaliah - posted on 10/28/2014

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Why Friday Kimberly Are You Sureparents over the years for having such a wonderful, respectful, beautiful daughter. She rarely sass talks me and I can't remember the last time I had to put her on restriction. The biggest problem I've had with her is having to constantly ask her to clean her room, dump her aluminum cans and unload the dishwasher. One week has changed my life. Last Monday, after having a bit of a bad day at school, she decided she wanted to change school districts. I told her that wasn't a good idea and whatever problem she was facing we could just get it figured out. She is a varsity cheerleader and having a minor problem with some fellow cheerleaders. I called her dad (my ex of 10 years) who agreed with me she should not change schools. He seemed to back me up and for years has praised my parenting of her and her brother. He told me she could come to his house and "cool off" and I said ok. Worst decision of my life. She went to her dad's who proceeded to tell her this was HER DECISION, he SUPPORTED WHATEVER SHE WANTED TO DO and COULD MOVE IN WITH HIM! That's all she needed. The rest of the week she treated me poorly, back talked and had a bad attitude. On Friday, I had enough and told her if she wanted to go so bad to have at it. She could not pack her things fast enough. I told her I really wished she would change her mind; begged and pleaded with her matter of fact. She still walked out. She is starting her new school tomorrow. Gave up her car, cheerleading, everything. I'm devastated and am barely functioning. She has lived a very privileged, stable home life with my husband and I. Her bio dad is completely irresponsible, penniless, manipulative and she is now sharing a room with ferrets. I honestly feel like I

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