I Try To Stay Strong For My Girls

Laura - posted on 12/29/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




But I just don't know how much more I can take.
I've been married to my husband for almost three years and we've been thru hell and back. In the years we've been together, he started off as an alcoholic and has now become a drug addict. We live separately and have for about 6 months now. He lives on the streets and my heart can't help but feel so sorry for him because he's my husband. I'm trying to do the right thing and continue to help him by giving him our car to sleep in and money when he needs to buy cigarettes, but I also can't help but resent him because he's made my life, and my children's lives, a living hell. We went from having everything, our own home and two jobs, to having nothing. I live with my mom with no money because I'm in school and everyday I fight my emotions on whether or not I should leave him. I know life would be easier if he was just out of it, but that's not why I got married. I didn't marry him knowing that I could just leave whenever I wanted. I vowed to be with him thru the thick and thin. But a person can only handle so much. Every week, I go thru an episode where I don't eat and can't sleep because all I do is worry about him and tell myself I need to let go. It's starting to take a toll on my interaction with my girls. My babies need me and I can't give them all of me because my heart is heavy and no one can offer me 'advice' without being bias and judgmental.


View replies by

Helen - posted on 12/29/2013




It is very sad, but, unless your husband finds the will to fight his addictions, nothing will change for you and your girls. At the moment, it seems unlikely, especially as you are helping him with money and your car. Drug addicts will do anything for money to feed their habit so be careful.

I know you love him but you need to put yourself first and make a decent life for your girls. Congratulations on continuing with school. It must be tough but you are doing it! I shall be thinking of you doing your best for your girls.

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2013




You need to get out. If this is impacting negatively on your children, you need to stop the enabling, stop the view that you married for life, and put those girls as number one priority in your life. Stop enabling him - don't give him your car and money - if he wants those things he needs to deal with it himself. You are not doing him, yourself, and especially your girls, any favours at all.

My advice is that you need some counselling to help you move forward. I understand you don't have a lot of money, but there may be places in your area that have services to help women in these situations. Even going to somewhere like Alcoholics Anonymous or similar organisation may help you to understand and move on, or receive some counselling.

Moving forward from something like this is like going through a grieving process. You need to do it. However, continuing to enable him, continuing to beat yourself up for considering leaving the marriage, is not being strong for your girls. Moving forward is where your strength needs to be, moving forward to make a better life for them.

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