I've started to come out about my pregnancy but it seems like I get more disapointment than excitement. I do my best to ignore it but it hurts my feeling especially because this is my first pregnancy, I thought this was supposed to be a time of joy. What bothers me too is that I was always told that I'd make an excellent mom and in my heart I belived it too but these reactions are discouraging.
Totally understand how you feel. Neither of my children were planned, and the second time I had gotten pregnant when my first child was only 6 months, we were financially struggling, I had just lost my job, our relationship had become rather unstable for a time, and we weren't married. So it seemed irresponsible, FAST, and immoral since I come from a family where everyone is religious, and while almost all of them were having sex before marriage, they did it secretly, quickly got married when they fell pregnant, and shook their head in disappointment at anyone else who did EXACTLY what they did. Haha. Hard to deal with for sure. I was not ready for my second pregnancy and still feel guilty over how upset I was when the stick turned blue. Having others react less than supportively made it SOOO much worse. My husband had to leave for work right after I bought the pregnancy test and was waiting for my text, so when he got it he of course mentioned it to a female coworker, who's response was "Is she fucking serious?!" as if I had somehow done this to my husband on my own or on purpose! His ex-girlfriend who is the mother of his oldest child made the comment "You can't forget about your first child just because you can't seem to quit having more!" Can't quit having more??? We have exactly TWO children together! And he at no point neglected his oldest or forgot about her because of having two more with me. The comment was completely unwarranted, as was the comment made by his coworker. Even my own sister sent me a text when she found out from someone else that I was pregnant asking if I wanted to talk about it because "I won't judge you". Haha. That you are even thinking along those lines when I haven't said anything about anyone judging me shows that you obviously feel the situation warrants "judgement." It's really easy to say just don't listen to what others say, and rationally, yes, that's exactly what you should do! But it's harder to convince yourself emotionally to ignore it. I didn't talk to anyone except my best friend about it for about the first 4 or 5 months of my second pregnancy. When I would get a text from anyone asking me about it I just wouldn't respond. If someone brought it up face to face I would tell them politely that I just wasn't really ready to talk about it. I didn't mean to add to the negative connotations by refusing to discuss it, which may be what I did, but I just didn't want to deal with people's personal opinions and "advice". I know none of this really helps you, but I wanted to just share my experience to say I know how you feel, I know how rough and discouraging it is. And all you can do is try to shut out others' negativity, which isn't easy. But sometimes you just have to nicely tell someone if they are being discouraging and negative, "I'm sorry but I just don't really want to talk about it right now." Congratulations on your bundle of JOY!!!!!! :)
Liana - posted on 12/10/2012
I think I felt that way because deep down I was disapointed with myself and they could tell. I wanted positive reactions because I was scared as heck. I had to take some time to get myself in the right state of mind. This pregnancy was quite a shock and very sudden so I was experiencing an overload of emotions and I'm sure my perception of responses from others was getting tangled up in the mix of everything.
My parents were a little disappointed when I told them I was pregnant and it was mainly because I had gotten married a little over a month before and my husband and I told them we were planning on waiting a year before having kids. They did come around though and love our son it just took some time for them to come around.
Denikka - posted on 11/28/2012
I know how you feel. I was terrified about telling anyone about my first pregnancy (at 19). I got a whole lot of speeches about how I was *ruining my life* and about how I *couldn't possibly be prepared or able to look after a child*.
Well, two kids later (boy 3.5 and girl almost 2), and I've just found out that I'm pregnant again. We're ecstatic. Couldn't be happier. A few of the people we've told have been very happy for us too. And some, not so much. And there's a few who haven't been told yet because I worry about the reaction and don't want to deal with the whole *don't you know what birth control is or how to use it?!* type of BS.
It doesn't matter when you have your kids, how early, how late, how many, where you live, how much you have in the bank, whether you plan to work or stay at home, breastfeed or bottle feed, or make ANY of those other decisions in regards to having and raising children.
There's always going to be those people who believe that they know better than you do about your life and how ready you are. Don't listen to them. Listen to yourself and listen to the positive and supportive people in your life. Those are the things that matter.
Jessica - posted on 11/28/2012
Those reactions aren't necessarily relevant reality. :) Maybe they're disappointed because THEY think you're at the wrong stage in life, or something else... not necessarily about the pregnancy itself? Regardless, how a statement affects us is OUR choice. I know it's hard to just put on the armor and tell ourselves sensible things, especially in pregnancy.... But try to take a few more steps, one in front of the other, and then turn around and see if those reactions made sense.
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