I walked in on my 17 year old daughter having sex

Denise - posted on 05/18/2013 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I thought that we had an honest and open relationship. She has been spinning me a yarn of not losing her virginity before marriage. I feel betrayed and totally embarresed. I also feel so sad for her. Why do these teenagers feel the need to do it at such a young age?we opened our home to this boy. Took him on holiday . He betrayed our trust. I know it is two sided but I cannot feel anything nice for this boy. I have stopped her seeing him and he is banned from my house. I know it is not the right way of handling it. But I cannot bear the thought of having to look at him. She now hates me and is distressed.where to now. I am at a loss. I never expected to find myself in this situation

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Natasha - posted on 07/02/2013

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I am 17 years old and I just had the same exact situation go down in my house. Except my mom found a birth control method a friend of mine gave me to try a few months ago which I decided not to. I told her it was my friends but also admitted that I had lost it to my boyfriend, which is also very close with my family, they used to love and adore him but now he's not allowed near me or my house. Let me tell you how I feel (which is exactly how your daughter feels), I obviously am embarrassed and hurt that I hurt my parents and betrayed them, but this is not the guys fault, we made the decision together, and so did your daughter and her boyfriend. I am absolutely heart broken, I just don't understand why my parents would want to take someone that is so special and close to my heart away from me, and I know that if they do force me into ending our relationship, I will never be the same or feel the same about my parents, and the same thing goes for your daughter. This is something we won't be able to look past because having your first love be taken away from you is painful, were always going to look back and wonder what could have become of our relationships, and guess who were going to blame for not knowing ? Our parents. This will not help you establish a close relationship with your daughter. You need to understand her and support her right now. Then she can feel like she can always be honest with you no matter what because you're not there to take away the things that make her happy, but to help her and guide her Ito making the right decisions about the things that make her happy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/19/2013

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Just because she had sex does not make it a "mistake" or a "poor choice" though Evelyn. Maybe it was the right choice, and the right time for HER. It does NOT have to be the right time for her mother. I don't think it should be viewed like that. No one should sit and judge another for the decisions that they make, because the decisions can lead to wonderful things. You, me or her mother may not have made the same decision, but that does not mean she made a poor choice or a mistake.

Brenda - posted on 07/23/2014

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As always, best posts anywhere here at Circle! Now my dtr just turned 17, and i went downstairs at 3amr..for water, halfway downstairs realized the sofa was occupied...saw a bare butt...went back upstairs and texted my dtr to come upstairs. I told her to lower TV, and calmly asked.."is something going on with you and (guy) ? She said no quickly..The next morning, i sat on bed with her and pulled it out of her that they were making out, and no intercourse had happened. I then told her that i am not mad, just didnt expect she was intimate with him..she never told me they were more than friends. The guy has been in our home many times, she spends a lot of time with him and their mutual friends. I know it is normal for her age to be starting sexual testing of the waters. I was also 17 so i cant judge her. I just told her to make sure this guy respects and cares for her, and uses condoms..she had her face in the pillow the whole time, so embarrassed. But later i said to think about all we discussed, and to be sure he is not doing anything she doesnt agree to. Not to be pushed into anything, and to say NO! If necessary. I hope i did the right thing. She is back to being herself at the end of the day, and my words have been heard. I guess its all i can do for now, and i hope she respects my way of handling this. I wont tell her dad...im a siingle mom, and i told her to tell the guy i spoke to her about this, and i know things happened, but chose not to humiliate and embarrass them...ugh! What an experience!

Zoraida - posted on 05/21/2013

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I do not want to tell you what you needed to do but I will share with you how I felt when my mother confronted me about her suspicions of my virginity. She asked me very calmly and very respectfully and I remember feeling humiliated and embarrassed in addition to all the emotions that comes with a teenager having sex for the first time. My mother did not give me any advise, she just asked me to be honest with her and I was. In my opinion it doesn't matter what you could have, should have, would have done before everything came out in the open, because you can't change that. I encourage you to take some time for yourself and heal from the hurt and guard your mind and your heart from negativity, especially from outside sources. Prepare yourself to know what your daughter needs to know about what life can and will be like for her now that she is not a virgin. Let your communication be in a loving and non-judgmental way. I would not apologize in any way for your instinct to be a mother, whose first priority is to protect, and that was your human instinct. You love your daughter and she knows that, unfortunately at this time in the development stage of her sexuality all you can do is inform her, treat her with love and maintain your position as her mother, authority figure and protector. Never compromise her wrong behavior or else she will not learn to grow up to be a responsible and trusting individual. I hope you and your family get through this time and that your relationship draw both of you closer to one another.

Denise - posted on 05/28/2013

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Hi thank you. We are in a better space now. It is hard but I do agree in not banning the boyfriend. I however cannot look at him yet so he is discouraged from coming to the house. I wish you well with your children. You have a long road ahead

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Sara - posted on 10/14/2014

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I am not yet a mum but stumbled across this as I have a family member who found out her daughter has been having sex and wanted advice from me as I have told her my many tales and she feels that these have helped!

My mum and I were always close but being raised in a strict (when it came to boys) household our relationship deteriorated when I was in my teens. I first had sex with my boyfriend at 15 but it was very sporadic as we were very careful to never get caught. When I was 17 we broke up and I was banned from seeing him (so that I could concentrate on school instead of him) but soon after we started sleeping together, the sex became very frequent and he was sneaking over to my house at crazy hours to make it happen. I really wanted to spend time with him but due to the 'ban' these were the only times we could make it work.
My hormones were crazy and so I wanted it too but always felt used and upset after, at the time I wished my mum was open enough for me to talk to her about it and thinking back on it she probably could have convinced me to stop. Long story short we ended up back together a few years later and are now married with a baby on the way, but having a supportive parent could have potentially stopped a lot of heartache and self doubt.

Your daughter is probably going to find a way to see him anyway, and teenagers can be very secretive when they want to, it might be better to loosen the restraints and to go in with a friend angle and try to set rules in the form of advice.

My husband and I have discussed the situation that happened between us when we were teenagers and how to avoid it with our children, while he became a total gentleman he admits that at the time he was using me as I was an easy option, he was a sex crazed teenager and I was giving it away with no commitment or consequences. I on the other hand felt used, ashamed and worst of all guilty that I was going against what my parents wanted.

I obviously don't know what it feels like to have this happen to me as mother, but I hope that I can be open minded enough to accept that teenagers get up to these sorts of things just as I did, I will not condone my daughter having sex at a young age but at the same time will try and be as aware as possible and when the time comes will advise her etc.

One other thing, from experience my friends who's mothers put them on the pill sort of didn't listen to the STD part and didn't use condoms aswell!

Beth - posted on 07/08/2013

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TAKE THE BLINDERS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless they have mental isues, physical issues or are just plain wierd there gonna get horny thats what 2 people in love do.and when that happens there gonna get curious and want to experiment from kissing to petting to oral and full blown sex. be there for them make sure the girls are on B/C and that there are condums in a general location vanity drawer example make sure there are various types and let them experiment it one of the greatest moments in the privace of the home.. If you forbid it will still happen in a car in the woods in a closet at school.. But when it happens in public places they can be caught and embarassed OR worst of all some nut case or carload of druggies could find them and rape her. I keep my babies safe at home i know where they are and what there doing weather i agree or not im there to provide saftey along with if there are questions or needs all they have to do is ask.. Remember we were all that age once. think of the fears, scaresand unanswered questions dont you wish someone could have helped ease you thru thoughs times?

Denise - posted on 06/22/2013

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All the positive comments have been so helpful. Emotions run so high when things are turned upside down in many a situation. It does take time to not be so upset. I have gone over in my head as to what more I should have done or said to try and prevent this situation for my daughter at such a young age and honestly I feel Not Much! She is a young adult with her own thoughts and we as parents can only do our best to try and guide but ultimately it is their choice. Whether right or wrong! Thank you all

Lindsey - posted on 05/24/2013

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I am a 19 year old, I am a single mother of two kids one that is 1 1/2 and one that is 2 1/2 months. When I turned 17 my parents hated my boyfriend and wouldn't let me see him, now I wish I would have listened but at the same time then I was feeling like they weren't letting me be responsible enough for myself. I moved out when I was 17 with him and got pregnant with my daughter 4 months later. My opinion on what you should do is not keep them away from each other just monitor when they can be around each other because if you don't let them see each other she will find another way of seeing him and then you will be even more hurt with her. Let her make her own mistakes because she will never learn unless she figures it out for herself. I thought my ex was my world but he turned out to be a terrible person and father to my kids. I'm not saying your daughter will end up pregnant. Put her on birth control. She is 17 years old she is going to experiment with boys your best bet is to be there for her because if not she is going to run for the door as quickly as she can with him. Don't be her best friend but don't be so hard on her that she feels like she needs to hide things from you. Your daughter loves you and even if you think that your right in this situation your daughter needs your support to get her through anything don't make her close you out because she will. I didn't talk to my parents very often for almost 3 years because they didn't like the guy that I was with it killed me inside to know that my parents hated who I was with so I didn't feel comfortable talking to them about things when we would fight or anything else. Try to understand your baby isn't so much a baby anymore and she is going to make her own decisions whether you like it or not just don't maker her hide them from you.

Emily - posted on 05/24/2013

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I'm only 19, i got pregnant at 18. I know that was my own fault for not using protection. But my mom wouldn't talk to me in a actual conversation. she only screamed at me. Before i had actually told her she had always said i could talk to her. but then turned around and did that. like many others have probably said i would sit your daughter down and talk to her.find out if they used protection and then talk to her about birth control and i pray she isn't pregnant... it is really hard to still be in high school and have a baby. but also i honestly believe that banning the boy. will not help.. young love is a very hard thing to try ti control. she wil find a way to seee the boy even if she has to lie to do it.. my parents had a no boys allowed in the bedroom, we were allowed to sit in the living room and all alone just to be shown they still trusted me but they would still walk in once in a while just to the kitchen to listen if anything. but honestly the boy may not need to go on many of yalls family vacations for the time bein

Elizabeth - posted on 05/24/2013

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They're already had sex, it would be better if he came over and they saw each other supervised in your home. I know you're hurt right now, but imagine how she feels that she has lost her virginity to some one and now cannot see them. She is going to grow up with this shame looming over her that you helped cast. Make sure she is on the pill and he is using condoms if they decide to do this again. It's important to be educated and protected. She's 17, she is going to make her own decisions about her body, you just have to be there to educate her and support her.

Erica - posted on 05/24/2013

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I lost my virginity when I was 15-years old. Everyone in my grade was losing it and I felt pressured to be like everyone else. At that age all you want it to feel accepted; to feel as normal as possible; even if that means trying something you are unsure of. The media today teaches us that two people in love make love...that doesn't help I am sure, but I think you should sit down and talk to her, banning her from seeing this boy doesn't stop her from potentially sleeping with someone else. You need to remember sex before marriage may be considered a sin, but God isn't going to punish someone for wanting to experience something for the first time....

Shoma - posted on 05/23/2013

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You need to talk to her. Make sure you dont yell at her. But tell her how much hurt you are. How much ever you stop her she will try to see him. The more aggressive you become the more revengeful she will feel. Just talk to her how destructful her action could be..the consequences...but also make sure to convey the message you still love her and are concerned about her life...Sometimes kids out of guilt take wrong action for which we will be regretful whole of our life.

Christine - posted on 05/23/2013

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I was 17 years old, ten years ago. I too had an open and honest relationship with my mother, even though she wasn't okay with our conversation about me being ready to have sex, she made sure I was on the pill. Regardless to say, I ended up getting pregnant. What I am trying to say is, no matter what your daughter is going to do whatever she wants. You were a teenager once too. And most of all, you can ban her from seeing her boyfriend, but if there is a will, she WILL and I MEAN WILL find a way to see him. I do not think you are handling this the right way. at all.

If I was you, I would allow the boy over, just not alone in her room anymore. If he wants to come over, its in the family room, where everyone can see them. No more alone time. Also, I wouldn't allow her to be at her boyfriends house, unless you and his parents have come to agreement as to what has happened and how to handle it. And I most def. would not be allowing him on vacations with your family anymore.

Good luck!

Kristen - posted on 05/22/2013

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I am sorry you feel betrayed. I don't have teens yet but getting close...
Reason I am responding is you asked why do teens choose to have sex at such young ages and it feels like a shock to you did not think that she would already. My mom felt same way and was even more disappointed when I got pg. I was 17 the first time I had sex. The main reason I did it was that I was curious. I had more than one friend who had already and was always talking about it and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. And honestly I think that is what is is plus her body is changing even more and like you and I we get sexually aroused by who we find attractive she does too. Her body already produces those hormones. Oh and banning the boy won't help cuz trust me if they want to see each other they will. I know it's hard but your little girl is almost grown to where you have no say. All you can do is make sure she is having safe sex and on birth control. She has already done it she will do it again. Just make sure she is safe. Don't make her feel as if sex is bad just let her know its not the time yet but you understand how it feels to have those sexual feelings and that you encourage her to wait before doing it again but if she is going to she needs to be safe about it and that any conveniences resulting from it is her responsibility not yours cuz she choose to have sex. I hope this helps. Try and stay open minded and remember what it's like to be a teen and getting the sexual wants for first time.
Honestly I didn't read other replies so if I repeated someone else I'm sorry. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Talk to her! And be thankful she waited that long, girls I went to school with were already sexually active our freshman year of high school. But seriously talk to her, and don't cut the boy out, he isn't entirely to blame. It will make your relationship with your daughter all that much more difficult, especially if she really likes him and wants to continue to see him. Just set up some limitations, and take her to see a dr. If she is already making this choice, help her stay smart and safe about it.

Good Luck to you Mum!

Kelly - posted on 05/21/2013

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It is going to happen. I know I had sex before marriage, as do the majority of people. All you can do is accept it, and make sure you get her on the pill. She will do it with or without your "assistance", so it is best to make sure she protects herself from pregnancy. Still stress the importance of condoms against STD;'s, etc. but you cannot expect she will not have sex, especially now that her virginity is gone. I'm sure it is a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended), but at this point she has already crossed that line, and the only thing left to do is protect her as best you can. My mother put me on birth control at a young age, right when my period started. It wasn't a factor for my decision to start having sex, but it did teach me the responsibility of it. I never have had any "accidental" pregnancies, and have chosen to start my family, not have it happen to me. 17 years old is better than most, to be honest. Just do your best Mom, I know it's hard.

Annette - posted on 05/21/2013

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o it is right yes u did the right thing mom my girl she is 22 and she waited till she was married thank god but yes she will think about it when she finds mr right trust me my girl said she glaf she waited so am I I raised her well I put her tail in church yes I did

Sonja - posted on 05/21/2013

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Hey there,

Of course you didn't.....none of us do....and a lot of us think we will be different....that we are so close to our children/daughters that they will come to us...and confide in us there most intimate thoughts and feelings....well because.....that's what we think.....my experience from my children.....is that whether it is sex or something else....if they know you aren't going to like it......they simply aren't going to tell you....and with sex....feelings..are so intense...and due to their age, they do not have the capability to see the whole picture........if I had one thing to offer.....I would concentrate on talking with her about her feelings about that relationship with this boy. As in anything our children do...............whether they are 6 or 30.......they need to know that "I" am trustworthy and wiser than they are.....that my love is not based on what she does "right"........5 years from now she may not even remember this boy................but she will always remember how you reacted.....did you listen?.....was she heard?.........the other thing that I as a parent didn't do...is prepare for this....sex will happen.....but it is not the end of the world..........this is a wonderful opportunity to grow closer.......I had to tell my daughter.....I wasn't ready for this......and I reacted badly....I have had time to think this through..............and while I understand the very strong feelings you have...for this "person"...(and please lets talk about them....)..these are my boundaries in my home. I also needed to talk to this young man.......these are just thoughts that I had to come to terms with............parenting doesn't ever get easier...............it just evolves and changes into something else........( and "deep breath"....a recap of the use of birth control....would be good now too.......and to even offer her help her with deciding on the right one for her.....this isn't the time to judge...................dealing with this........is much easier than dealing with a pregnancy that she wouldn't be ready for...........birth control would be a really mature thing for her to decide on...maybe with your help....and your doctor.....

Frankie-Marie - posted on 05/21/2013

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My mother caught me and my now husband having sex in my room when I was 15. You need to set your feelings a side and talk to her, make sure she is protecting herself. My mother did nothing but yell at me and shut me out. Never about me protecting myself... I got pregnant a month after, of course the sex didn't stop just because she was disappointed in me. I was very naïve. I haven't had it easy, but I did marry my then boyfriend. He joined the Army and at ages 20/21 we are expecting baby number two. I would hate to have that happen to anyone else though, a young woman should be preparing for college, not bottles.

[deleted account]

the most important thing is to put your disapointment aside and talk to her... be open, be understanding and dont judge her.. i started at a young age and all my parents did was judge and shut me out...ruined our relationship for years.. and to be honest had they discussed the issues and all that stems from sex that young i probably would have stopped... if they have been together for a long time they may have thought it was time... they see it everywhere , their friends, tv, movies everything..... birth control should be something you talk to her about.. let her know you will help and be there for her in any way possible... forbidding her from spending time with him or having him over will make it worse... she will sneak and lie... i would suggest sitting them both down, talk about the mistrust, the pain you feel and disapointment.. but that you are there if they need to talk about it... and let him back into your home... keep them in a living room somewhere you can alway see or check... ( my parents did hand checks) but i can say from experience shutting her out and being angry with him and her will only hurt you in the end... good luck!

Jajuanna - posted on 05/20/2013

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I agree with the other Moms. It happened and it will probably happen again. You will now have to make it right with her or you may lose her. Sex for the first time is addictive and when you are in that early stage of your sexuality, you tend to over indulge. When you talk to her, be sure to ask her if she feels that birth control is needed. Don't be too nosey, tell her that you are sorry, and let her know that you are okay with her seeing him. However, make it clear that it is disrespectful for her to have sex in your home and that you will not tolerate it. She is an adult, you will not be able to stop her from having sex. GET HER ON BIRTH CONTROL!

ASTRO - posted on 05/19/2013

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17 is NOT that young to be having sex especially nowadays.. I'm sure you liked your daughters boyfriend up until this incident and really just be glad she's not sleeping around for attention or prostituting.. I agree with the other moms that this scenario has not been handled well.. You cannot take back your initial reaction but how you handle this now will forever shape the dynamic of your relationship and communication with her.. TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER!

Ev - posted on 05/19/2013

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Denise~

I have read the responses here as they posted. We all seem to agree on the same things. No person is perfect. And especially no teen. They are at an age where they experiment with things and ideas. They also have peer pressure as well and how they handle it also adds to what choices they make. Kids this age range believe they do know it all and will listen to what they think they want to hear. Its not that they are trying to tune us parents out totally, its that they are almost an adult and can make the same sorts of decisions we do; but do not totally think about the decisions. Making mistakes is part of growing up as well as being an adult. Not all mistakes are failures in what we as parents have tried to teach them and think its a total loss. We give our kids the tools they need, and in the end its up to them to use them or not. This does not make your daughter a bad girl. She just made some poor choices and it can not be changed. I hope you can salvage something from it, learn and move on.

Denise - posted on 05/19/2013

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Thank you for all the positive feedback. It is very helpful to see it from another perspective. I am so bogged down in my own feeling of shock that it is hard to be reasonable.

Michelle - posted on 05/18/2013

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I agree with the other ladies, the more you try to keep them apart the more they will want to be together. Would you rather them be doing it in a car in the middle of nowhere? That's what's going to happen.
Take this as an opportunity to open up the lines of communication between yourself and your daughter. Let her know that you had hoped she would wait until marriage but you can't turn back time so you need to move on. Have an open talk about safe sex and not just to prevent pregnancy but also STI's.
I don't believe it's just the boyfriend who has "betrayed" your trust but your daughter as well. It's just easier to blame the boyfriend since you can't get rid of your daughter.
I personally know that to expect a teenager to wait until marriage these days is almost impossible but I will inform my children about all the responsibilities that becoming sexually active entails. If you arm your children with knowledge and information then the make better choices.

Cecilia - posted on 05/18/2013

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17 isn't that young of an age to tell you the truth. It wasn't 20 year ago either. (at least where I grew up)

You can give you and your daughter a new open and honest relationship. It's up to you to accept she is being sexually active. Make sure you talk to her about birth control and get her on some. You can forbid the boy from being in your home. Like others have said she will still find a way to see him. You might not be able to feel anything nice for him but she does.

May I honestly ask when did you lose your virginity? I was late and I was 18. I do accept that my 16 year old son has lost his. How do I know? Because he asked me for condoms. Then today his girlfriend asked me on facebook if they can get some more.

I do not like the thought of it but I appreciate they are being safe. I talked to the girls mother and let her know I was pretty sure they had or planned to have sex soon because he asked me for condoms. I felt she had the right to know. She said she would take her daughter to the clinic to make sure they can be safe from her end. That's pretty much all we can do. Even if we didn't allow them around one another they could get into more trouble skipping school to be together (or heaven forbid doing it in school)

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2013

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Given that only about 3% if Americans wait until marriage to have sex, I'm not sure why you are so shocked. It always surprises me when parents are shocked at their child having sex before they get married because that's what they said they would do.

You comment on him betraying your trust, well, so did your daughter. It isn't just his fault. Clearly they made this choice together.

Now, having said that, it is your right to lay down the law in your house. If you don't want them having sex in your house, then you can express that, but unfortunately, if your daughter wants to see this boy and have sex with him, at 17 she is likely to find a way, with or without your approval.

I think the best you can do as a parent is talk to her about how you feel, and discuss how she feels about this boy, and why she made the choice she did. Maybe she spun you a yarn because she knew how you felt about the sex before marriage thing?

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/18/2013

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Oh and remember she didn't MEAN to be dishonest with you , I can almost guarantee that. She probably did have good intentions of waiting for marriage , but falling in love for the first time makes it tough to control those hormones. She didn't mean To hurt you ( even though I'm sure it does hurt) so don't treat her like a criminal . I can tell you one thing : she isn't going to stop seeing this boy; so would you rather be able to monitor when she's with him or be totally oblivious to the time they spend together. If you give her guidelines as to when she can be with him opposed to forbidding her to see him, she will be much more willing to respect your boundaries

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/18/2013

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I'm assuming she felt she couldn't be honest with you bc of your reaction! None of want our kids engaging in sexual activity , but that's just not realistic . You have to do your best to teach kids the downfalls of having sex at a young age , but also let them know they can come talk to you if ate thinking about it. My mom made me feel so comfortable that I told her I thought I needed to be on the pill when I was thinking about having sex, and since I felt so comfortable talking to her she was actually able to talk me out of it in a way that made me feel like it was my decision ( which im thankful for now). Ok so the deed is done , do you really want her to not be around the person that she did decide to be her first? You are going to push her into sneaking behind your back and that leads to trouble. Im not saying To just tell them to go ahead and have fun, but you can talk to her about safe sex and monitor their time spent together. Just remember you were her age once and she's a young adult and not a child so guide her but don't control het

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/18/2013

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If you think YOU are embarrassed, try to see how she feels.

The last thing you should do is make them break up. You are asking for trouble and pushing her away. She clearly did not tell you about her private sex life, because she knew she would disappoint you and make them break up.

Try to understand, this has nothing to do with you. They did NOTHING to YOU. You taking it personally and as an attack on you is misplaced anger and disappointment. He did not betray YOUR trust. He had sex with his girlfriend who he loves.

How old were you when you had sex? Were YOU married? Why would you go into your teenage daughters room without knocking if the door is closed? Why does she not have a lock on the door?

Ev - posted on 05/18/2013

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You needed to sit down and have a conversation with her. You needed to tell her how it made you feel and how disappointed you were in her choices after she told you she wanted to wait until marriage. You need to explain to her that at her age she could become pregnant and then loose out on all the things she holds dear as a teenager because she would be taking care of a baby and her friends would either abandon her or not wait around for her to have a free day. And depending on where you live, her reputation would change as well. She also needed to know that she can get all kinds of diseases this way, including those that would make her infertile later in life or some she would not be able to get rid of because you get them for life. Tell her about AIDS. She needs to know the realities of things.

As for the boyfriend, its your right not to have him in the house or to trust or like him. BUT BEWARE! Your daughter will try to find a way to see him no matter how much you ban him from home and her presence in the house. You need to be on top of things.

I raised a girl. I know the hardness of it. I have a boy also. My daughter was an adult when she told me about my forthcoming grandchild. She had not married yet. BUT we came to terms with it. I enjoy my grandchild and have also gotten past the issue. I did not raise my daughter to do this before marriage as well, but in the heat of the moment that was the last thing I am sure she thought of. She married her child's father...but they had been together since late freshman year of college. He is a wonderful man who cares greatly for her and his parents love her as if she was one of their own.

Just talk to her.

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