I want a 4th child but am afraid of negative comments and reactions from family.

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have 3 beautiful children and I would like to have one more. I would have the 4th in a heartbeat but I am in a rough position. My mother is my babysitter (2 days a week) and she is VERY against a 4th. I love the idea of a big family. She just does not see eye to eye with me and was not happy when I had the third. She does not like babies at all and complains that my one year old prevents her from doing fun things with the older 2. Any suggestions? We re financially stable and abe to care for another child. I do not want to regret not having another, but I also am not able to deal with negative reactions from my own family.

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[deleted account]

Your mother has no say in how many children you and your husband/partner decide to have.

However, your mother DOES have a say in her role as a child care provider. If she feels bogged down by a 1 year old and would prefer to babysit the older toddlers/school aged kids, it's probably for the best. Hire a child care provider that will happily take care of the youngest. She probably feels overwhelmed by taking care of 3 children, and maybe used? Not sure-but from what you're saying, it sounds like she is simply not happy in taking care of a 1 year old. Let's be real, babies are a ton of work and she is probably wanting to do more of the fun things with older kids like the park, bike rides, swimming, library, get-in-the-car-and go, etc. If you are financially stable, then hire someone to take care of your 1 year old. it seems like Grandma is already burdened. When that happens, she might end up resenting her current, and future grandkids.

Krista - posted on 09/11/2011

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It's tough, Jennifer, but there are some really great daycare providers out there. My recommendation would be to ask around and get some recommendations. I found my son's daycare provider in the online classifieds, of all things (she watches kids out of her home, and had room for one more). I was stuck -- I had no where else to bring him, and her references were glowing, so I took the risk. And now, she's LIKE family, really. My son adores her, and I look to her for advice in his upbringing, and it's really worked out wonderfully.

Sometimes the bigger daycare centres can feel impersonal, so it might be worthwhile looking into at-home daycare, which is often smaller and has more of a homey feel to it.

JuLeah - posted on 09/11/2011

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I am not 100% sure why your mother has a voice in this. She doesn't want to babysit, find someone who does. How good is it for the kids if she doesn't like babies and complains about them?

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Anna - posted on 09/11/2011

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It's your life, your body, your decision. If others don't like it, tough! If you have the means to provide for another child and that's what your heart tell you to do and your husband feels the same, then just do! I did not like the idea of others taking care of my children either, so when I had my second child my husband and I decided I would stay at home and care for my family. That decision has been the greatest blessing because I have enjoyed every day of my children's lives and no one has any say about my family. If staying at home is not doable for you then for sure find an alternative care for your children where grandma is not obligated to give her time as a caregiver.

[deleted account]

Jennifer, there's no doubt in my mind that your mother wouldn;t take excellent care of her grandchildren. But, that doesn't negate the fact that she's simply overwhelmed, no longer desiring to be the sole provider, not enjoying her role as "Grandma, or perhaps feeling used. Maybe your mom simply needs "time off" from being the babysitter. Does she watch your children full time, 5 days a week for more than 6 hours a day? You did not indiciate how old your children are, but I can probably assume toddler/pre-school age. It really is a perfect time to enroll them into a preschool setting a few hours a day, maybe 2-3 times per week. Think of their current daily routine with Grandma. It's just them. Are they getting bored? Kids thrive with their peers and it wouldn't hurt to at least explore other options. Your mom might even thank you for it!

When I returned to work, my son was 6 months old. I found a stay-at-home mom care provider. it was a wonderful setting. As he got older, he needed more stimulation and went to a traditional daycare center until he was 4 1/2. Then went to a pre-school full time, and absolutely thrived! We loved that preschool so much that this past summer, he returned for their school-aged summer camp program. Kids really do adapt well to new settings. It might take some kids longer than others, but they really do adapt! Best of luck to you.

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2011

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I have never left my kids with anyone other then family. I am not sure I'd be able to do the daycare thing. :-(

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2011

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Thanks for all the commens so far. I do want to clarify that she does take excellent care of my kds. My kids love her and are always very happy to see her (even the one yr old). She is very opinionated and she is hurtful and mean to me but not my kids. It is weird!

Amy - posted on 09/11/2011

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If financially you can do daycare for the youngest then by all means have a fourth, but I wouldn't expect your mom to watch them, so when you are pregnant I would have a plan in place for daycare that doesn't involve her.

Jodi - posted on 09/11/2011

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Find a new babysitter :) One who doesn't feel it is any of her business to tell you how many children you should have.

Stifler's - posted on 09/11/2011

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that's so sad. if you want another, have one. if they don't like babies tell them to not come over.

Krista - posted on 09/11/2011

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I agree with the others. It's not her business, and you should find another sitter for your 1-year old and your future baby. Do you really want her watching babies when she doesn't even LIKE babies? I wouldn't.

Kellie - posted on 09/11/2011

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I'd be telling her it's not up to her. It's not about what she wants it's about what you and your husband want.

She doesn't like babies? She doesn't watch the babies, can't say I'd want my baby in that kind of negative environment so I'd be finding someone who does like babies to watch them. Simple.

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