I want a survey YES 0r NO -- do you spank your children?

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2012 ( 348 moms have responded )

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I am surprised at how many people are YES on this issue. I will not judge you if you say YES but I really wanted to see the over all result.

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Brandy - posted on 08/02/2012

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YES! I definatly spank my son. He is highly intelligent and always has been, so I find it best for everyone if he misbehaves, I warn, then if the behavior repeats, I spank, then we talk about the behavior any why it was wrong and what is expected of him as better behaviors. As a result, I have not had to spank him in about 4 years. He is 8 now. I noticed some people saying that one shouldn't spank past 2 or 3, but the way I was raised, you're never too old for a spaking if you're needing it. Granted, when the kids are older, it's not the bare bottom lol! But I never found a need to bare my sons bottom for the spanking anyways! I believe time outs are useless. It simply gives the child time to catch their breath and go again. (no comments, this is MY opinion) I tried the count to 3 thing giving opportunity to listen and do as asked, but it went nowhere. He just kept going with the behavior, so as soon as I said 3, I spanked him. The behavior stopped instantly and still to this day, I never get past saying "one"! lol As a result of the way I am raising my son (the same way I and my hubby were both raised) He is the best little boy you will ever meet! We can take him anywhere without issue, we get compliments from complete strangers on his behavior out in public, he brings home awards all the time for good behavior, he gets special privilages at school as well as home, and he is an extramely happy person! :) He has never tried hitting anyone else (I talked with him about hitting and the differences between hitting and spanking and keeping his hands to himself!) He is even being raised in such a loving family that he is so used to hugging everyone that he actually got in trouble within his first week of kindergarten for trying to hug an older girl on his bus. Kinda a shame really because I had to explain to him that he can't just go around hugging people; he had to keep his hands to himself and save all the hugs up until he got back home. But I did discuss with the principal that called me the fact that the girl that complained was in 8th grade and she kept sitting with my son on the bus of her own free choice! After that I had my son sit right behind the driver and no one else sits with him. Other than that he basically hasn't gotten in trouble at all in years and I attribute that to the fact that we spanked him when he needed it! There are far too many parents out there that are afraid to discipline their children, and it shows with their childrens behavior!! I can't stand going into public and not being able to enjoy whatever I wanted to do because there is a child there screaming, throwing tantrums, or somehow misbehaving and the parents won't even acknowlegde the child is doing anything wrong! Shame on that parent! How is a child going to learn how to function in society and get along with people and be self sufficient if they are never taught!? Don't get me wrong, there is a HUGE difference between spanking your child and abusing them! Spanking is discipline and discipline must be done with love! And one must NEVER just spank and walk away. Always talk with your child about the behavior and why what they did was wrong and what is expected of them in the future! They can't learn if you don't teach them!! I have known many people who didn't get discipline growing up and as a result, they have trouble maintaining relationships, they go through jobs like air because they don't feel the need to show up, and many of them go on to have children who they don't discipline just as they got growing up and they can't figure out why no one can stand to be around their children (screaming, biting, throwing things, breaking toys, taking things out of another childs hands... and these are all behaviors I have seen out of children my sons age now! [8]) Please, people, Love your children enough to discipline them! And be consistant!! If you say they do it one more time and they go to the corner, when they do it again, SEND THEM! Don't give them more warnings! They will just learn that they don't need to listen to you! You won't follow through and they learn that! Your children are always watching, studying, and learning from you! All of your behaviors, good and bad! Teach them, Love them, respect them, discipline them!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/01/2012

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Yes, most definitely. I do not beat her, of course. And I do not leave red marks. I give her a spank on the bottom, just as my parents did to me. Many animals use similar tactics, such a a light nip on the neck. There is a huge difference between child abuse and discipline. I am sick of people saying that spanking is wrong. That is like me telling you that putting your child in the corner is wrong. I am glad my parents spanked me. I see some of the children now a days, and its sickening just how rude, mouthy, arrogant, and self-righteous they are. I firmly believe it is a direct result of a lack of proper discipline. A light spank on the bum hurts no one.

Sarah - posted on 08/07/2012

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I find the fact that some people remove underclothes to spank particularly disturbing and sickening. You're adding sexual humiliation onto the physical pain, especially in post-adolescent children. Wrong, just wrong.

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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I've only caught up to page 10 since I've been avoiding this pointless post and I'm not going to read anymore, but do have to say a few things that really bug me in this post as a Christian mother who is not a 'spanker', but not 'anti-spanking' either...

1) Spare the rod, spoil the child... is NOT in the Bible. There is a verse (sorry, forget the exact wording and location, but I saw it properly quoted here somewhere) that does mention the rod, but that does NOT mean a parent has to spank their child. It means a parent has to discipline their child. There is a difference... which brings me to point #2.

2) Spanking is NOT discipline. I know this is semantics and a wording issue which may go over many people's heads here, but.... Discipline is teaching. Period. Discipline can and often does include punishment, but not always and it doesn't automatically have to include punishment. Spanking is punishment. Therefore, you CAN use spanking as a part of your discipline technique (the punishment part), but depending on your child, family, and situation.... You CAN have the most disciplined child you've ever met who has never once been spanked.

Dove - posted on 08/02/2012

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Spanking isn't discipline.....

Sorry, I'm NOT 'anti-spanking', but calling it the best form of discipline just bugs the snot out of me. lol Used properly it CAN be an effective punishment (which can be a PART of discipline) tool, but it's not automatically the best (or even automatically good) and it is not discipline.

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348 Comments

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Melanie - posted on 08/07/2012

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Rarely, not so much now they're older( 5 and 7). They care a lot more about losing playtime and video games than a swat or two on the bottom.

Dove - posted on 08/07/2012

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Marciau, just because you were abused by your mother does not make it right that you abused your children. And, I'm sorry, but pulling down their pants and whacking them double their age up until they were 17 WAS abuse. Horrible, disgusting, degrading abuse.



My husband pulled down our child's pants to spank a few times and I wanted to strangle him... literally. I'm not 'anti-spanking', but there are some things that should be obviously over the line to everyone.



In case there is anyone that doesn't think that's abusive... a 17 year old in Marciau's home would be whacked 34 times while naked on her mother's lap!!!

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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I'm glad things worked out, Hoos. That sounds like a really tough situation. Just a side note: if my pediatrician told me to hit my child I'd get a new pediatrician.

Mom - posted on 08/07/2012

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My pediatrician told me to start spanking my son at 4 yrs old cause if I didn't he'd be out of hand by 6 yrs old. Months later I started and cried everytime. I don't any longer, but there are days I'd like to. I find me using self control and him not getting my attention is more punishment than physical attention. He writes appology notes now at 9 yrs old and has learned to spackle the holes he makes in his wall.

Kate - posted on 08/07/2012

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well where i am from its illegal! and if my whole country manages to raise children without it being a part of there childhood dont you think everybody else would look at it differently if the same rules where everywhere. smacking is lazy parenting no excuse for it.

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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Blow it out of proportion? What? Abuse? Yes, not only am I anti-spanking, I literally get an upset stomach thinking about a child being hit and not talked to by the one person they are supposed to be able to count on. Disgusting.

This Place Sucks - posted on 08/07/2012

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your so wrong. you are obviously anti spanking and i respect that but i know how it worked for me and many others here....oh wait...let me re-phrase this or jackie will be pissed....

I FEEL you are obviously anti spanking.....

bottom line...theres no conflict between myself and my kids so something worked.

No need to blow it all out of proportion

Marciau - posted on 08/07/2012

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I did smack them with my open hand so it certainly reddened their bums.
My hand certainly felt it especially when 2 bottoms had to be smacked.
My mother gave me 6 strokes of the cane when I was naughty.
I had 1 caning the day after my 18th birthday as I came in after curfew time 2 days before my 18th birthday.
As my 2 sisters were subject to the same rules I thought I had better take my final punishment.

Marcia

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2012

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Oh, and YES my comment was directed at one persons specific comment. Just to clarify, as if the name did not do that already :)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2012

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@ Barbiegirl "Never hard enough to scare them, never hard enough to hurt them, just hard enough for them to know that these actions will not be tolerated."

The WHOLE point of spanking is exactly what you said you don't do it for. It IS meant to scare, it IS meant to hurt. And if you do not intend to do these things, simple....don't spank.

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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Because it says ALL. Considering I am one of the "no" people, it is directed towards me. If you wanted to generalize your statement you should have said "I feel like some of the no people are putting down the yes people, none of us are perfect parents" VOILA!

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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"it frustrates me to see all these "no" people putting down the "yes" people like they are perfect parents. "

How is that generalized? Good story, dear.

This Place Sucks - posted on 08/07/2012

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My post was not directed at you, it was in general...dont take offence dear, its just MY OPINION

Kellee - posted on 08/07/2012

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No I have a son 13 and he turn out pretty good with out getting spanked if I was to yell at him or tell him no all he did was cry so I seen no need to spank him,he get good grades never been in trinkets in school and real respectable to other. My only hope is my 2 month son ne the same way I don't believe in hit a kid.

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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I never said anyone was wrong. I said that when a non-spanker states their opinion they follow it up with some sort of excuse that makes it sound like they don't do it every day or for every mistake. So it SEEMS like they know it's wrong.



Furthermore, the yes people aren't chicken to say it? You know everyone is typing their opinions on a computer right? No one is chicken on the internet. No one.



I am not a perfect parent but I feel very strongly about not inflicting pain on my child

User - posted on 08/07/2012

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Never have, never would. I never want to teach my child that it's ok to hit someone else b/c you're unhappy with their actions. There are better ways to parent - hitting doesn't teach them anything other than to be afraid of you!

This Place Sucks - posted on 08/07/2012

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it frustrates me to see all these "no" people putting down the "yes" people like they are perfect parents. Who are you to say whats right and whats wrong? Im sure theres things you all do that we would not agree with yet we, THE YES PEOPLE arent chicken to say it.

Tina - posted on 08/07/2012

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Sorry I did not post to this sooner.
I do NOT spank my child.
Definitely not.

It is a disturbing and sad thing that many resort to spanking. Ignorance, lack of education, cultural differences -- whatever the reason, it is wrong, wrong, wrong, IMO..

Tina

This Place Sucks - posted on 08/07/2012

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I was not spanked as a child but i did spank. Never hard enough to scare them, never hard enough to hurt them, just hard enough for them to know that these actions will not be tolerated. I warn them with 1,2,3 first. That was a long time ago...many years and as a teen and pre-teen, we have an extremely close relationship. To this day we play around with it. They get outta hand and i start counting to 3. They know i wont do it but its fun now to watch them look at me with that smirky smile and we play around a bit. It definately defuses any tense situation. Im very proud of my kids and and very content with our relationships. Spanking worked for me but it will NOT work for everyone.

Jenn - posted on 08/07/2012

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Every generation thinks the kids of the current generation are awful, misbehaving, disrespectful heathens! Society looks at the past with such rose colored glasses and the future as armageddon .

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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Spanking/beating/hitting/swating/smacking. All the same. Unless you have a machine that is able to calculate the degree of force that your hand is at when connecting with your child..there is no way to know just how hard you are hitting.....until your child cries. What is the difference between hitting and beating? How many smacks is too many? How hard is too hard? Just typing this makes my stomach hurt. Hitting your child is lazy parenting and it teaches nothing.

Telena - posted on 08/07/2012

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Theres a huge difference between a spanking and a beating. My son has never responded to timeouts or toys being taken away. And most the time when he gets spanked he laughs at me but it works better than anything else. Theres nothing wrong with spanking. Beating your child is a different story. My generation was spanked and there was alot less problems because of it.

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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I'm sorry you went through that, Jenn. I'm so grateful that my parents support my decision not to hit my child. My husband was beat daily. If he even put his elbows on the table he would get his arms whipped with a belt.

The only good thing that came out of it is he never wants our child to feel what he felt. He says he felt like a total screw up. At least we're on the same with discipline. I just wish I could take all of those nightmare memories out of his mind.

Jenn - posted on 08/07/2012

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Interesting how it ended at 17, because at 18 it would've been assault! Disgusting.

My dad spanked me once when I was 16...over a chemistry grade! I hated him for years then eventually had to forgive and move on from it. But never forgot the feelings of humiliation, anger and resentment. A huge reason I don't raise my hand to my own children!

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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May I point out that most of the pro spankers are saying "Yes, but..." and adding excuses like other things don't work, it's a last resort, only a few times it's happened etc. Most of them have to explain, it's almost like they know it's wrong.

So when you hit your child as a last resort....you're telling me you're not exhausted and upset with your child? Your kid behaves badly and the time out thing isn't working, sending him/her to their room isn't working, they continue to talk bad and misbehave so ...."WHACK!!!" you're telling me that's not out of anger? Or do you do it with a smile on your face?

**Jackie** - posted on 08/07/2012

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Jenn H, you read my mind. I thought she was being sarcastic for a minute.

Growing up I couldn't wait for my dream wedding, house with the white picket fence and to hit my children until they are afraid of me.

Jenn - posted on 08/07/2012

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Wow... Till age 17 and hit double their age? Poor girls. Nothing like fear and loathing for a healthy relationship.

Marciau - posted on 08/07/2012

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If my 2 daughters were naughty they were put over my knee and I took their knickers down to their knees until they were 17.
I smacked their bottoms the number of smacks were double their age.
If they messed around their knickers would go down to their ankles and further clothes would be taken off if that did not work.

Marcia

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Absolutely not. I do not believe in hitting of any sort. It only sends the message that I condone violence as a way of asserting power.

Grettel - posted on 08/07/2012

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Yes, i do - it worked for our generation, and its working for my kids. Sometimes "time out" works, and simetimes it doesn't, but a little swat on the behind aleays works. I use it as a last measure.

User - posted on 08/07/2012

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I think most parents who spank are focused too much on getting their kids to stop an unwanted behavior rather and "mind" than on the long term goal of raising a compassionate, curious, kind, independent, and responsible child.

User - posted on 08/07/2012

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No. I decided before I ever had kids that I wouldn't spank, and the more I learn about child development both through reading and experience, the more my belief is reinforced.

Jennifer - posted on 08/07/2012

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Yes, I do spank my son. Alittle swat on his bottom or hand gets his attention and most of the time prevents him from doing the behavior (until the next day or so). I also use time-outs. I believe consistency is the key when it comes to discipline, teaching, and raising a child.

Alexa - posted on 08/07/2012

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Never! I don't even think I need to explain the reasons why... Very sad to see all the Yes responses here. Positive discipline in my household 100% of the time. I still can't believe parents don't understand what they are teaching their kids when they resort to violence to correct a behavior. It is literally dumbfounding to me.

Missie - posted on 08/07/2012

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It isn't "physical violence" it is a consequence to very bad behavior. I know that as a child, the idea of getting spanked kept me from doing things. Time outs, isolation, etc. are fine for small infractions, but a threat of a spanking, not a beating, has always kept my children in line.

Kirsten - posted on 08/07/2012

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No. Time outs have worked beautifully since my son was around 2 years old. He's very active, so making him sit still for a few minutes is a HUGE punishment as far as he is concerned!

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