I want advice on how to make it work with my ex this time- if at all?

Frances - posted on 03/20/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies,
I posted on here a while ago about my situation with my ex. We have been separated for a year and a half now. During that time, he started seeing someone, I had our daughter and raised our children and made a life for myself. I'm working in a great job and I'm studying and my children are happy loving wee things. I had finally gotten past the hurt from my marriage and now he wants to come back and try again. Part of me is thrilled for my children but there is another part of me that is is terrified. He says he has changed but all I can think of now is what has happened between us in the past. Him leaving me because I decided to keep my daughter (he said it was the baby or him so I left). He emotionally attacked me on a regular basis. He started seeing someone after 3 months of our marriage ending and until now he has shown no interest in his daughter (9 months old) he only ever wanted to be involved with his son (2 years old). For so long I have wanted him to come back to his family and I don't even know why anymore. He has booked his flight to come. What I want from the masses is advice from anyone that has been in a similar position, anyone with tips on how to make it work. I'm so scared at what could go wrong and how it all will affect my babies. Is it better to tell him not to come at all if I'm feeling this way?

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Dove - posted on 03/21/2013

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I'd keep him at a distance. If you think there is a chance then there is nothing wrong with talking about it, but there is no way I'd even consider starting up where things left off. It would be at least a year of him proving himself before I'd even contemplate being serious with him....

I've been single for years now and I don't ever plan on changing it. If my ex ever dared to come back it would take everything I've got not to laugh in his face and slam the door.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/20/2013

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And yes, it is imo better to tell him not to come at all....at least not yet until you sort through all the pro's and con's and how you feel in general. Sorry I keep posting. Your situation is really bothering me. I keep thinking about it, and coming up with new thoughts on the issue. This is a big life changing decision for you, and it just sounds to convenient for him.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/20/2013

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If he is currently long distance (sounds like he is since you said he booked his flight) why not have a long distance relationship for a bit to see if he has indeed changed? Or does he now have no where to live and is running back home as a last resort?? I would think start your relationship from a distance so you can evaluate the situation and see if you want him back, and feel you can trust him again instead of bringing him back into your home with your kids, and turning their lives and yours upside down for a relationship that is still in ruins and may not work out. I would be very careful, and consider his true intentions.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/20/2013

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Well, he sounds like his relationship has ended, and is now trying to come back. Who is to say he has really changed? I would not be able to take him back personally. Stay strong, it sounds like you have moved on with your life for the better. Keep up the good work!

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