I want another child but my husband says no way!!

Sondra - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I have 2 step daughters and 2 sons. I want to have another child in a few years but my husband says No way! I have tried telling him how bad I want one and he just says I am making him mad and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. It makes me sad because I love my stepdaughters very much but I don't think it is fair. He could have 4 kids (experience all of the way through) and I only get 2. Why? What can I do?

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Nothing says "deception and distrust" more than a woman intentionally manipulating her husband/partner with the notion of getting pregnant on purpose when the guy is opposed. In HIS viewpoint, that is an unwanted baby. That baby IS a source of tension, stress, and there is no guarantee that the guy will change his mind once the baby is born. Yes- in some cases the unwanted baby turned into a wonderful blessing. In other cases, the woman's selfish, immature, and self-centered plan to get knocked up can lead to a life as a divorced parent, and a father in a no-win situation paying child support to an unwanted, unloved baby.

I would never dare disregard my husband's feelings about bringing an unwanted child into this world. My relationship is a partnership-not just one of us making the sole decisions.

Firebird - posted on 06/02/2012

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"Just quit your birth control and say it was an accident." This advice makes me sick to my stomach. What a truly horrible thing to do. I hope you don't consider doing something like this Sondra.



If you don't want another baby for 3 years, why are you bugging your husband about it now? What's the point? Wait a few years before you bring it up again, you may find that he's changed his mind.

Diana - posted on 06/02/2012

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I say pray on it. My husband and I had our son when we first got married. He wanted no more children. Before we got married he said he really didn't want any. But I got pregnant and he was over joyed. After my son he wanted no more. Around time my son was 2 1/2 years old I started asking for another and he was not having it no way. By time my son was five I was still asking for one and so was my son. He wanted a little sister. I told my son you have to ask god for that because daddy happy with just you. So my son said he going pray every night. And he did. 3 months later I was pregnant with my daughter. Now we have our boy and girl :) I told him we will have another because our son wants a little brother lol in few years. He knows that my son will just go above him lol

Dove - posted on 06/01/2012

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Then you decide which is more important to you... fighting about having another child and possibly ending your marriage and having your boys raised in a split home... or enjoying the husband and children you DO have and finding a way to make peace with your longing.

People do sometimes change their minds and maybe he will sometime in the future, but it's not fair to anger or blame him because YOU changed your mind.

Liz - posted on 06/03/2012

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Some of the responses to this really trouble me. Honestly, I cannot imagine why anyone would wish to manipulate or deceive their husband into begetting a child that they did not want. Does that sound like a true partnership? It doesn't sound like one to me.

Sometimes if we want the opposite to our partner, it is possible to effect a compromise and meet them half-way. This isn't the case with a child: it's all or nothing. Somebody is going to have to deal with not getting what they want. Given that both parties in this situation should be adults and mature (or why the heck else are they parents in the first place), then somebody may be willing to sacrifice their preferences for the sake of the happiness of their spouse, but there certainly is no obligation upon them to do this. Sondra, your man isn't in the wrong here any more than you are.

I guess, ultimately, you need to decide whether having another baby is worth so much to you that you'd risk your entire marriage and possibly end up as a single parent, destabilising not only your own life but that of your existing children.

If you don't want that risk, then you're probably going to have to just deal with the fact that you can't have what you want.

32 Comments

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Sophia Marie - posted on 11/03/2012

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you dont want to have a child without his suport.. so unless he wants another child leave it..

Sondra - posted on 06/04/2012

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In response to Polina, what I said was he has 4, that he was able to experience all of the way through. Meaning baby to where they are now. I only had 2 through the whole experience. I love all 4 of my kids, I have been raising the girls for 9 years, I would never want to change that either. I just want another. Regarding the money, I work as well and I told him that I didn't want another until we were bringing in more money and we move (so that we have more space). I am being very reasonable with him. I know that I will have to wait and see what God has in store for us. I love my entire family and would never jeopardize what we have. I am going to wait and bring it up later. Thanks.

Sondra - posted on 06/03/2012

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Like I said before, I would never jeopardize my family over this. I am not getting divorced. I did talk with him yesterday and told him I would bring it back up in a couple years. So I guess we will see what happens. And NO I WOULD NEVER INTENTIONALLY GET PREGNANT WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER. Many people have told me this and I think it is crazy as well. Thanks ladies!

Stifler's - posted on 06/03/2012

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' only' get 2. 2 is hectic for me. And I agree with Sapphire DO NOT just stop your birth control or poke holes in the condom his views won't change because you are pregnant or have another kid.

Amy - posted on 06/03/2012

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Relationships are about understanding and compromise. I would keep talking to him about it and see if he comes around. If he doesn't, find out why and try and get both of the reasons for both stances out and discuss them. People do change, but it takes understanding. Men cannot be pushed; they need to be told how you feel and then left to make their own decision. Most often they will come around if they are left to feel like it was their choice and not yours. I wouldn't take negative advice if I were you from some of these posters that obviously have a lot to learn. Think positively about the situation. Good luck!!

Katie - posted on 06/03/2012

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I agree, just put it on the back burner and let it cool for now. Test the waters again in a few years and see. Maybe he'll change his mind. That's what I'm going to try with my husband. We just had our second and I was hoping for a third in a few years, but he says he wants to stop at 2. I am hoping he will come around. If not, then I'm not going to force him or make him feel obligated just because it's what I want. He right out told me he didn't think he could handle 3 and I respect his honesty. If it doesn't happen I will be upset, but I am still thankful for the 2 beautiful children we have and I know even tho I will always feel like something is missing, I could live my life contently without. Good luck!

Tursa - posted on 06/03/2012

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I just wanted to comment on your post. Birth control is not solely the responsibility of the woman. The pill doesn't come without major health risks.

Andrea - posted on 06/03/2012

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Before we got married, we agreed 2 kids would be nice. 12 years ago we had twins, for the first 5 years I was happy, but then I wanted another and he didn't. We got very close to divorcing. We never had another, I'm now 40, would still love another, but it isn't going to happen. What I hate most is how horrible you feel longing for something, I feel I've wasted years of happieness, wanting. I'm so lucky to have my girls, they are my world, my husband is my soul mate, but I always think of the one I'll never have and I resent my husband for it.
Sorry no advise here ;-(

Isabel - posted on 06/03/2012

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When my second born was 18 months I wanted a third and my husband was adamant on the whole next child thing but we moved to a bigger house and I had a cancer scare and after a lot of persuasion and deals my third boy is now 8 weeks old !!!

Isabel - posted on 06/03/2012

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When my second born was 18 months I wanted a third and my husband was adamant on the whole next child thing but we moved to a bigger house and I had a cancer scare and after a lot of persuasion and deals my third boy is now 8 weeks old !!!

Ronnie - posted on 06/03/2012

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Im having this same problem, my husband does not want anymore, i take the depo injection so if i stopped takin it and got preg he would go mad!! Im 32 this year and hate to think tht i cant have anymore :-(

Firebird - posted on 06/02/2012

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Rachael, did you read all of the responses?lol I wasn't talking about your advice, but another mom specifically said "Just quit your birth control and say it was an accident. That's what I did." It was several posts above yours.

Rachael - posted on 06/02/2012

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I never said "just quit your birth control" as a matter of fact i was on Birth control when i got pregnant both times! Sometimes when your meant to have one more baby or a baby at all it is all chance. If it is in the cards then thats wonderful but if not enjoy the children you have and one day you will have lil grandbabies to spoil and love.

Rachael - posted on 06/02/2012

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Both my children (daugther 4, son 17 months) were surprises but after my daughter was born i told my husband i wanted another baby, at first he said no way but shortly before discovering we were pregnant again he finally was ok with the idea. I secretly would love another baby but i don't think i could handle another child and two kids is expensive enough for us... hope all works out for you.

La Shonna - posted on 06/02/2012

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I had my first child at 40. You are not too old. I had a great pregnancy and a natural child birth.

Polina - posted on 06/02/2012

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Having a child is not only conceiving and giving birth. A child requires a lot of money, time, and energy. If your husband does not want more than 4, he probably knows that he is not able to either support another one financially or has no more energy. And saying that it's not fair that he has 4 and you have 2 is childish. You also have 4 - his children are your children. Plus why would you want to compete with your husband??? Do you feel jealous when he does something better than you or hits some important milestone? Probably not because you love him! Just be happy you have such a wonderful family! In a few years you can re-visit the topic and then who knows...

June - posted on 06/02/2012

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I want a girl but. He is pain fine with 2 boys I won't stop bc. Because that just feels decetful but I truly long for another baby even if ir is. A boy...... but I guess its up to god to change his mind because I tried till I turned ble in the face with no avail best wishes

Cris - posted on 06/02/2012

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I have 1 child, born when I was 38 years old. I begged my husband for another child & he refused! Now, we are divorced. I would have loved another child ... I am too old now, but maybe I can adopt. I don't know.

Stephanie - posted on 06/02/2012

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I lived this for a year before I told him too bad. I made a decision to get off birth control. I figured even if he left me over it, I would still be happy with my new baby. 2 yrs later I got pregnant. We separated during my pregnancy. Yes, he was that mad. After our daughter was born we got back together. We are so happy. And he thanks me for her everyday. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xo

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2012

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I understand completely. My husband and I had discussed having a couple of kids (before we got married and I got pregnant), now he says he doesn't want anymore now either. Or he says we can have one maybe in 10 more years. I don't wanna wait 10 years!

Susan - posted on 06/02/2012

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I know how you feel. He has 1 boy from a previous relationship and then we have 2 boys. I really want a girl. I told him in like 5 years when our youngest is in grade 1 I want 1 more baby to see if we could have a girl but he insists that 3 kids id enough for him. Ive tried everything too. He doesnt care he is super happy with his 3 boys. I eventually got mad and told him I would go and use another mans sperm then. He said I could as long as the baby wasnt his. I almost smacked him. But I guess I got 5 years to change his mind. Hopefully!!

Alisha - posted on 06/02/2012

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I have 5 kids not once did my husband say no lol If I told him tomorrow let's have a baby he will say sure. Babies are sent from God we consider them Blessings :-)

Sondra - posted on 06/01/2012

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I understand exactly what you are saying. It is the same here. I do not want to have one for another 3 years or so but he just keeps saying no. Will not even really talk about it. I guess I will just keep praying and bring it up again in a year or 2. Good Luck!

Brianna - posted on 06/01/2012

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before we got married we agreed on 3 or 4 kids. i had our first before we got married and then we had 2 miscarriages and now im 26 weeks preggo with our 2nd and hes now saying he doesnt want anymore. Im unsure about if i even want more or not because i dont no if my heart can handle anymore miscarriges but i keep telling him we will talk about it in acouple years and hes like no i dont want more and it makes me really mad cuz im just asking him to keep a open mind and we will figure it out in acouple years.

Sondra - posted on 06/01/2012

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I appreciate your responses and I am not angry with him, nor would I get divorced over this. Both responses brought up divorce and I would not do that. I am just sad. I understand how he feels but I want him to understand how I feel.

Sondra - posted on 06/01/2012

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We did discuss before marriage, we actually had our 2 boys together before we even got married and right after the 4th I said I didn't want anymore either but now I do. People change their minds, and I am hoping he will change his but I do not think it is going to happen. It breaks my heart.

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2012

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Nothing if he is that adamant you are not going to convince him otherwise. He has decided he has enough children and it really should have been something you discussed before marriage because a lot of times this can be a marriage ender. I wish you well.

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