i want to cut my MIL out of my life

Heather - posted on 02/13/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My MIL is a sweet woman with a lot of baggage. She's married to a man who lives 6 hours away and only see's on weekends. Just because she wants to right now and is a sensitive overbearing alcoholic. She took it upon herself after my son was born to schedule herself an 'every other weekend' policy to which she essentially lives with us for 3 days every other weekend (the other weekends she's seeing her husband, she only lives an hour away from us). Which has been stressful to my husband and my relationship because she babies him as well as tells me how to parent and what I'm doing wrong with her 'depressed' son. She constantly refers to my son as 'her baby'. "mistakenly" refers to herself as mommy to him as well, which I and my husband have asked her to stop doing but she doesn't. My husband told her to atop butting into our marital problems too but the minute he isn't here she's doing just that. Many a time she has gotten completely wasted at our apartment, which she claims she will never do again but as always does.
she's upset that inwont let her take my son home with her anymore and makes passive aggressive statements about it. She took him for a few days here and there while he was six months old and continued to bring him home at 1-2am, so I put a stop to that.
she's been invited to come to my mothers house and has gone a few times, each time getting wasted beforehand and acting like a complete idiot. On the weekend before my birthday we went to my moms and she showed up drunk, hit on my mom and brother in law, spilled food all over the kitchen and then tells me what my husband got me for my birthday.
My son turned a year old on Saturday. I had a party planned with family and friends. The night before my husband informed his mom there were too many people staying at our home, so she couldn't sleep there. She got REALLY mad and was yelling throwing a fit about it, so my husband also informs her that her 'weekends' with us are cut down to 1 a month so that he and I can work on our relationship in peace. The next day at the party she comes in and I didn't even see her. We had maybe 20 people or so and I was greeting friends and family we hadn't seen in a long time. When I finally hear her yelling about how 'her' baby needs to wake up and that she didn't understand why 'we' were even throwing a party, la la la. Then about 30 minutes later she's on the floor with him holding him really tight (he doesn't like that) and I wanted an old friend from out of town to see him so I asked her to give him to me- she puts him on his feet shoves him towards me throws his juice cup on the ground and gives me a look Hitler would be proud of, storms outside slamming the door, then comes back in to announce her exit ( and I mean announce. The whole room of 20 or so people went silent for at least a minute) only to come back 30minutes later yelling at me for not saying hello to her.
I had to apologize to nearly everyone that came for her behavior. On my sons FIRST BIRTHDAY. Now, she's convinced she didn't do anything wrong and wants ME to apologize to her for not saying hello.
Should I even bother or should enough be enough?


Andrea - posted on 02/13/2014




Sounds like my sister in law and her daughter they have never liked me and on my first Son 1st birthday, She and her daughter {brother in laws step daughter} Called to yell at me over something so little as me asking if her granddaughter/daughter could be in mine and my husbands wedding... She called me everything under the sun... Then we had A little girl ourselves 5 months after our sons 1st birthday so we had her be the flower girl. We had our wedding and the daughter showed up tried to start me on fire, dumped beer all over my husband and then to top off the night told me to watch myself and my kids because if she ever seen us alone { with out my hubby} she would kill us this was all in front of my wedding party and guest... I was in tears and my wedding ruined... { don't care to go to wedding much anymore}... My husband and I have not spoken to the daughter since.. that was in 2009. The sister in law well we play nice and that is about it.. we just had our 3rd last January and she has never even seen him.. It is what it is.. I have no plans to say sorry { even though they believe I should be the one to say sorry} I have moved on and really don't care... This was all after my mother in law has passes away.. Her and I were very close, she was wonderful, call to talk help to birthday's ect..
So in regards to your mother in law I say let your husband handle her.. If she will not listen to him then she has not respect for either of you... Then as the wife and mother in your house you put your foot down and tell her how it is going to be in YOUR HOUSE... If she is not happy with this then tell her she can leave and come back sober and visit her grandchild... He does not need to see her drunk and acting a fool, it will begin to affect his behavior.. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT.... ENOUGH IS MORE THEN ENOUGH... Explain to her that you all love her and just want what is best for your son just like she does... Let her know that you are not saying she can't visit just that you have some new ground rules...
Hope this is helpful... Best wishes and take care

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