I want to leave my 2 yr old sons dad but....

Nicole - posted on 06/12/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




This is a lot of rambling sorry. I have been with my bf for about 3 1/2 years. He has a 14 yr high functioning autistic son with his ex that lives with us full time. His mother is an addict and has not seen him in 2 years. I am close to the 14 yr. he is a great kid. Then we have our son who is 2. I work full time and my bf stays home with our two year old. He does not work. His mom helps pay for food and stuff. Which I am grateful for.

Our relationship did not start off very smooth. If I would have paid more attention to the red flags I wouldnt be in the situation. He is not easy to talk to. Every time I want to talk to him about anything he takes over the conversation. One of are regular arguments is that I don't make enough dinners. Now I work full time and he stays home with our two yr old. I know taking care of a toddler is a handful and it tricky when you have to get things done. But if I was the one home the house would be somewhat clean and dinner made. Another thing is that he doesn't go to bed until 2:00am cause he stays up playing games on his phone and watching tv. Then gets up with the 2 yr around 9:30. From the time I get home from work I take over. I make dinner. Clean up. Give the bath. Get ready for the next day. Then Me and baby go to bed. He has like 5 hours of free time to him self every night. He could make a meal for the next day. He always make excuse that he can't cook. It's bs. If you can read you can cook. You follow a recipe. I'm just fusterated. He is controlling and sometimes treats me like I m kid. The reason I'm with him is because of the kids. I don't want to be with out my son.

My question is. If I break up with br and we split 50/50 custody of our son will is cause problems for him with all the back and forth. I get scared. Cause he's so young. I don't want to cause him problems. Also he's 2 and does not really say words yet. He makes some animal sounds and talks baby talk. Ands says yeah. That's it.

I'm afraid if I change a bunch of things it will delay him more. But am so unhappy with his dad. Don't know what to do.


Michelle - posted on 06/13/2016




I have done 50/50 shared care since my boys were 3.5 and 1, they are now 15 and 12.5 and very well mannered, well adjusted young men. They don't get into trouble at school and in fact do quite well. It hasn't been all smooth sailing but we got through it.
To make shared care work the parents need to live fairly close to each other so the children can go to the same daycare/school to keep some sort of normality. You also need to have open communication, if you don't then the children will soon learn to play you off against each other. This is the hardest part because you have usually broken up for a good reason and sometimes dealing with the ex is a nightmare but it has to be done. You have to put aside your feeling for your ex for the sake of your children, they don't need to know that you can't stand him as he's their Father and they love him.
Staying with someone for the children is never healthy for everyone, especially the children. They know when their parents aren't happy and pick up on it more than you realize. You owe it to your son to be as happy as you can be and if that means leaving his Father then so be it.

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