I want to move, husband doesn't. We argue all the time about it.

Bre - posted on 06/21/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I need some advice here. :(
My husband and I moved last year a week after our child was born for a new job for him. It pays almost twice as much as what he was making in our hometown. I was supposed to be a stay at home mom when we moved down here.
10 months later and I have had to get a job due to all of the debt he put us in, and I wish I would have gotten one sooner. But, I am terribly homesick. we visit as much as we can, but it is never enough. He always cuts it short.
Now, I have mentioned us moving back in a couple of years, once our debt gets better and we are better financially.
He always says I can leave without him, but he refuses to leave. even though he has mentioned he can always find another job where we are from.
I am just tired of being so far from everyone.
We may not have loved our hometown, but I do miss my friends and our family so much.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/21/2016

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Bre, it sounds as if this relationship would benefit from a counselor in more than one area

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Ezusag - posted on 06/24/2016

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Leave while your still young and have a chance of having a better life. Hanging in there will only break u down and ruin your self esteem until u become paralyzed and stuck!
Get out while you still have your wits about u!

Jodi - posted on 06/24/2016

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So given the backstory, if he is demanding an answer right now, leave. Tell him you will not be pressured into making a decision, so you need space to do that.....and leave.

Bre - posted on 06/24/2016

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I am going to try starting next week.
Unfortunately, he wants an answer right now, and I cant give that to him.
thank you all for the advice and help

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2016

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Wow, Little Miss has a point. I just went and checked the profile. There is WAY more to story than what you have divulged in your OP.
- A few weeks ago, you were making a comment "he hasn't cheated on me or anything, yet." and "he is definitely lazy, talks about suicide if I leave (about your husband),

You have said in previous posts the two of you have tried counselling but he has chosen to stop. You talk about him being scared of him. Have you ever been to counselling on your own to help you decide what to do?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/22/2016

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Aren't you the same women that says your husband is bi-polar but has never actually been clinically diagnosed?

Still standing by my previous comments of both of you need therapy. Sounds like you are constantly looking for validation to leave your husband. If you are unhappy in your marriage, go home. If you are miserable in your new town and your husband is not helping, go home. If you are staying with him for the kids go home. If you WANT this to work, get into at LEAST some counseling.

Emily - posted on 06/21/2016

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Hello, Bre! I can certainly understand your missing your family and feeling home sick. We were away for about 2 years and travelled frequently in that period. But we had a wonderful church and fellowship to look forward to every weekend.

It may get interesting if you and your family step out, socialize and do things together. It’s not good to limit your interests as it can lead to frustration and loneliness. Do you think it might be helpful if you sit down with your husband and discuss openly about what you feel? How about starting a women’s group on your own? Or a Bible study group? I’ll be praying for you and I hope you’ll be able to figure out something soon. Hugs!

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2016

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I noticed what Jodi did as well. A marriage is a partnership and you moved with him so it wasn't just him that out you in debt. You could have got a job sooner as well so don't put all the blame on him.
Why don't you start up a Mummy and Me class? If there isn't somewhere for Mothers and kids to get together then find start one. Obviously there is a need for it.
In my opinion, you seem very negative and don't even want to make a go of it in the new town. I have lived in a couple of different countries and embraced it each time. My husband is on the other side of the world from his family but doesn't dwell on it. He says he's never moving back there but I can if I want (no thanks, too cold for me).
I agree with the counselling as he also sounds a bit controlling by not letting you go out on your own. There are more issues than just being in a new town.

Jodi - posted on 06/21/2016

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I notice you said "all the debt HE put us in". Just out of curiosity, how did HE put you in debt?

Bre - posted on 06/21/2016

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I wish I could make friends where I am at now. There are hardly any activities for families. Only church, which my husband doesn't want to go to. Unfortunately, there are no women's groups here, I have tried looking. Not even anything for kids. It is such a hole in the wall town.
I guess I just feel like we are not a team. He hates socializing now. he would rather stay home and play video games or watch tv. I offer for us to go out but when we do, he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
I even mentioned me going out myself and he threw a fit, saying I was going to find someone else and cheat or leave. I have never considered cheating or finding someone else at all.
I wish we had a mommy and me class!
I feel sometimes like my husband is holding me back from trying to expand my interests.

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2016

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Try making friends where you live now. If you ard going back home and not embracing where you are at now you don't allow yourself to bond and make new friends. You also have to allow yourself time to make friendships like the ones you had back home. It is hard at first. My husband and I moved to a town that was 4 hrs from my hometown and 5 hrs from his. Our house was out in the country with a half mile to the next neighbor. Our son was 5 months old at the time and I was a stay home mom. In some ways you working can be a blessing as you get to meet people that way. I was very lonely. We joined a local church that had a women's group that helped and then I tried to get involved in local mommy and me activities. But really it just takes time to develop those friendships. We have now lived here for 18 yrs and have developed some great friendships. My husband and I have also developed a great marriage. Being so far from our families we have become a team. We have also been able to become our own person. Being close to life long friends and family is nice but sometimes they hold you back. My husband and I were young when we married. We were still figuring out who we were. Being away from friends and family allowed us to figure it out without their input or expectations.

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