I want to raise my child alone

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Okay this is a little confusing. I am a single mother to a 20 month old. There is no dad listed on the birth certificate. I know who her father is of coarse but I like the fact that he is not around. technically I am not keeping her from her father. after she was born I told him she wasn't his because I thought I should keep her from him because he is violent and told me he hears voices and the voices told him to kill me and my daughter. But I think deep down he knows I lied. He has not asked to see her. Until a couple months ago. he told me he wanted to wait for a dna test until her found a job. After that we have not spoken since. Everyone keeps saying that its wrong to keep them apart. But why should I try to make them have a relationship when he doesn't care enough.

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Trisha - posted on 04/16/2015

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Stephanie, do you have much experience with violent people with mental illnesses? I do not blame this Anonymous Mother for doing this, as it is a scary thing to be around.

However, Anonymous Mother, you say "But why should I try to make them have a relationship when he doesn't care enough." - You misinformed this father. Your telling him that the baby is not his was your choice, and you can not put any responsibility on him for him not showing that he doesn't care enough. You made it obvious to him that you didn't want him to be a father figure to this child. The blame is on you.

I don't know what you should do in this situation, but perhaps getting a consult from a lawyer is the right place to go.

Stephanie - posted on 04/16/2015

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Hello single mother of a 20 month old,
I hate to be the barer of bad news but you placed a barrier around your child and the relationship that could have been with the child's father. Sometimes we as moms tend to be too overprotective of the ones we love and we make unconscious decisions about what we think is right and fair from our perspectives however, we are sometimes wrong and sometimes we are right. This time I feel like you are wrong. From the beginning you said you weren't keeping them apart technically you really are. You said you told him the child was not his-BIG mistake. See it is not ok because the child is missing out on both parents. Regardless to his mental state you made the choice to make a baby with him. Seems you want financial support but do not want any other parts of the dad. I do not blame the man you told him he was not the father but because you say he is violent you want to keep that distance. There are many ways to get over that hump-supervised visitation, public meetings, and the list can go on. This is from one mom to another, do not let your child suffer because of your selfishness and the father's lack of concern for you. I believe he may love the child in his heart but issues and concerns are in the way. Pray about it and then come back and tell us about it. Be blessed.

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