i want to run away with my child

Kalsie - posted on 05/23/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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im currently dealing with a custody battle with my ex and his ridiculous gf. they have been causing nothing but problems and he hardly ever sees my son as it is. i know that its hard on my little man for him to be gone so often. i know for sure he would be ,much better off without him. but he wont stop fighting for joint custody. and i KNOW its only because his gf is telling him to. he owes me a lot of money in child support that i never bothered asking for in court because im serious when i say he loves money more than his own kid.things have gotten so out of hand. he wants me to not be able to leave where i am without his permission. but i wanna go to school. i have no idea where thats going to take me but i want my options. does anyone have any experiences like this? im completely lost. the only thing i cant think of is packing up, deleting fb and all contact from him. and not telling him were leaving.

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Dove - posted on 05/23/2012

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Just based on what you've said.... I have a feeling if you disappear with your son his father will pursue you for kidnapping. Does that sound like a better life for you and your kid? Hiding and running from HIS father?

Go through the courts. If you actually have a legitimate reason to move and can prove it is in the best interest of your child... you might be able to get permission from the court to move.

I'm hoping you've left out a lot of information because nothing in your op leads me to believe that permanently removing your son from his father would be a good thing.

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Susannah - posted on 05/25/2012

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Don't run. That would not help your situation, you will constantly be looking over your shoulder, and if/when you get caught you could lose your child forever.

Even if you feel your son would be better of without him, in the long run he may resent you for keeping him from his father. For the sake of child you need to do all you can to allow him a relationship with his father-as long as he is capable of having a healthy relationship with his son. If he could possibly pose some sort of danger to your son then you need to bring that up in court. But if he genuinely loves his son and wants to spend time with the best thing that you can do-for your child-is suck it up (no matter how painful it may be) and do your best to accommadate your child's best interests by welcoming his father into his life.

However, I suggest that you keep your distance from your ex-do not let him butt into your personal life. When you speak to him, stick to subjects that concern your child only and cut off all communication with his girlfriend. She has no say in your parenting or your ex's rights a s a father. If she continues to harass you, keep the texts and show your phone log to the police-get an order of protection which will force her to cease contact with you. She also does not need to be present for any visits between your son and his father until the court has made it's final ruling.

As I said, try to work with your ex and allow him to visit with his son as much as he is willing. But try not to let him get under your skin-do not fight with him or raise your voice-do whatever you can to avoid confrontation with him (it should be easier if his gf is uninvolved). Be calm and only discuss things that have to do your child. But keep track. Keep track of everything. Log when and where and for how long each visit is, track if and when he pays any support for his child. That way you have proof to show the courts how present he is in his child's life and they will be able to make a fair assessment of your situation.

The last thing you want is for all the fighting, anxiety, stress, and worry to run down on your son. Take a deep breath and don't do anything rash. Keep your son's best interests in mind and try to find some peace.

Good luck!

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If you run, it could cause more problems than good. If joint custody battle is going on. Bring up about all the back pay. If he has alot of backpay owed, the judge more than likely isnt going to give joint custody. For the simple reason is...How can he pay for a child with joint custody if he can't pay his prior child support?

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First of all, by running away it could be seen as kidnapping. On the other hand you do not need your ex's permission to move. You are doing what is best for you and your child. (Slight but important difference - planned moved to improve your prospects and running away to escape). Also it depends on where you're moving to - if it's in the same rough area then he can't really object. If it's moving to another country - then he may have grounds to object.

Time to go to court and getting done legally - that way there is a legal agreement for both of you to comply with (especially in terms of him paying support for your son). Also by going through court it means that child support can be arranged and also visitations dealt with.

First things first - go talk to a solicitor and get the proper legal advice for your sitaution. Don't run away with your son, it will only make things worse. Also if you feel that you are getting harrassed by his new gf, get some advice at what can be done to stop her having contact with you - directly or indirectly. Again talk to a solicitor and/or police about his current gf.

Kalsie - posted on 05/23/2012

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i have left out information. i tried to just sum it up but i guess it didnt really.
we are going through court and im going for sole custody. believe me when i say ive tried to make this work and wanted nothing more than for him to have a family that gets along. in this case two families.
its unhealthy for a child to see as much fighting going on as there has been. his dad visits maybe once every two months and takes him to macdonalds then leaves.
there is no reason as to why he should have joint custody and a say on where we should be living.
his girlfriend has caused a lot of problems. shes very sneaky and tries to find faults in my parenting and whatever she can for them to use against me in court.
with the fact that he is NEVER around and when he is all there is is verbal abuse and a trip to macdonalds i know for sure that my son would have a better life without him.
his gf has even started harassing me through texts at 3am and putting her nose into my money spending and where it doesnt belong. and my ex has been defending her. im just trying to raise my son. i dont want his money, i just want us to live in peace.

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