I want to start a conversation but I know it will end up a debate.

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So, recently once again, I have been seeing some more of the posts about the mom's wanting to shut out the father of the child's life for various reasons. They seem to think that because the father may be abusive in nature to them that he will be to the child. Some have even said that both he and she talk about the bad things they each to to their respective families. The moms think that they are better off keeping dad off the birth certificate and away from the child not realizing how he has as much right to parent the child as they do.

I am tired of hearing all about "how it hurts me" coming from the moms. I just wish that they would stop and look outside their box and see what it sounds like to others. It sounds childish, petty, selfish, and mostly ignorant.

What purpose does it serve to keep the child from the father?
What purpose does it serve to not stop and think about how this will affect the child?
How does it make life better for you, mom?
How does it make life better for your child not to be with dad too?

Maybe these moms should have thought about some things they already knew about the fathers that they complain about in their posts and do something so they did not get pregnant and have a kid with him only to be tied to them for 18 years because of that.

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Dove - posted on 09/09/2016

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I admit I was a total wreck when Bonehead left and I didn't trust him one iota w/ the kids.... so I can understand the emotions that fuel those thoughts. Even then though I was calling him begging him to come back (not to me, but to the kids). I didn't want him to TAKE them, but I did want him to be around and involved. It took years to get over that whole mess.

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2016

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The following statement is one of my greatest frustrations:
"This is very true, Except in my case ..." Seems like every mother agrees with what you have written, and that co-parenting amicably is critical; EXCEPT in their case. I see it over and over and over. Geez! every split couple is going to have issues; he left your for a young woman, he left you for a guy, you left because he was a drunk, because he emotionally abused you....reason after reason. You know what moms? We are not perfect either! You created a child together! A tiny human. Have the decency to step up and parent and accept your co-parent; flaws and all. A drunk can get sober, a cheater has betrayed his wife, not his child, an abuser can get counseling. Why is it the mothers are always "ideal" and the dads are dirty dogs? How about y'll take a good hard look in the mirror and ask, "what do i need to fix?"

Ev - posted on 09/09/2016

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Most definitely, my ex and I share grandchildren now. I wonder what these girls think is going to happen in 18 years.

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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In regards to your post Ev, I completely agree. These women are so selfish and don't care how much they are hurting their children. I had so many opportunities to go to court and get more than the 50/50 care that I do but why should I? Yes, it will hurt my ex but it would also hurt my children, probably hurt them more, so I bite my tongue.
These women need to realize that they can't control what their ex does with his life, I can't believe some women will not allow another woman around their children. That's just very petty and controlling. If my ex and I had that order then I would never have married the most wonderful man in the world and the boys love him as well. He is a great step father and is a better influence than my ex.
Maybe these women should learn what Birth control is or keep their legs closed. If they can't do that then suck it up and deal with it. You are tied to the Father of your children for the rest of your life!!!!

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2016

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Tammie: Like the other ladies have said, just because he cheated on you doesn't mean you have the right to deny your children a relationship with their Father.
My ex cheated on me but there is no way I would keep his children from him. It's not their fault that he can't keep it in his pants. My boys are now very well mannered young men that are making great choices in life.

Jodi - posted on 09/08/2016

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Tammie, leaving you for a younger woman does not mean he can't be a father to his child. If you are not allowing him to have a relationship with his children, then you are depriving your children of their rights.

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

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I hope your kids still had some sort of relationship with their dad though. It is important that they have something with both of their parents.

Tammie - posted on 09/08/2016

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I feel you! This is very true, Except in my case the Father left me for a younger woman that i knew for 30 years of my life. I shut him out completely and i am doing great. I had made some mistakes in my life before like Getting into a relationship very early, except i found god. and he is The one true father of my Children

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