I was a single mom of 2 before marriage

Star - posted on 01/13/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I was a single mom of two girls before I married my husband in November. I was living in AR. He lived in MI. We went to school together and just reunited. He has cancer and I now have two kids. He has none. He was in the army. I was working at walmart in AR. I had a place of my own and worked there for two years. Him and I got in touched after so long and I thought hey why not give it a try. I quit my job, me and the kids moved to MI to be with him. He is sick and I feel scared about it. I no longer feel like I'm important at all. My needs aren't met. We can't make up our minds when we're going to move since we been talking about it for some time and I want to have a job. He doesn't look sick or act sick but I know he is. I'd like to get a job so I can fulfill my needs too. Yea he takes care of the bills and stuff for now until I start working but he always says how it's gonna be 50/50. Well, what if I can't give that working minimum wage. I feel like money is going to become an issue. My car is broken down and now without tags and insurance. I'm not trying to sound greedy but I feel like he is going to expect way too much. We got married, we go grocery shopping, he pushes the cart and takes care of the bill everytime. We shop by the day and it's never me doing that. It's always him. He makes sure his stuff I'd taken care if first, even when we go out to eat, he orders first. Always. I can't really say he is still gu because every once in a while he will bring me flowers and he will buy me deodorant if I need it. I just feel low. I don't feel like a wife. We're talking about getting a place together and he's already talking about how he is going to decorate it. He says what's ours is ours. We don't have anything together. We don't share anything together. He doesn't have kids so he's still learning the parenting role. I've been blamed by his family for things I haven't done, plus bei MG videotaped by the neighbors. I'm just like I don't know what to do anymore because if I talk about these things I sound unappreciative and that's what I get called is that I'm never happy. I don't know what to do. I don't know the duties of a wife or a husband. I'm as new as him. I just feel like I can't be myself and I got more depressed and the who thing just makes me feel low. I have nothing to contribute. I have nothing now. No job, no money, no independence. It bothers me. Sometimes I feel like marriage is doomed because I was a single mom. Not that I hated that but sometimes I felt better being one. I don't have ppl talking to me like I don't know anything and I was taking care of my responsibilities. Yea it wasn't easy but I made it work and me and the kids were happy. Being in this relationship, I don't want to sound terrible or sound like I'm being wrong. I dunno if I am. He is sick and no that shouldn't rule out being happy with a family but we are an instant family. He's new at marriage too. I feel like he expects alot from me and I feel like the relationship is all about him anymore. Someone please give me advice in this. How should a marriage be? Even if I had kids before him and him with cancer. What should I do? I have nothing to bring to a marriage and I get reminded of it everyday. He doesn't say that but by the way he does things just makes me feel that way.

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Star - posted on 01/13/2015

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Combining households isn't easy and I get that now but I love him enough to be here all the way.

Star - posted on 01/13/2015

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I was aware of his sickness and before hand I understood it wasn't always gonna be rainbows and butterflies. What relationship is? But actually being in it and us combining isn't easy. I think it may be just that were not use to the marriage life. We've only been married a couple months. We're moving to Texas so he can be close to MD. ANDERSON and I respect that. I'm here with him through th e fight all the way as that's my husband and I love him very much, even before cancer. We knew each other since high school and to see him go thru this is heartbreaking. He is doing good with treatments and somedays he is ill. I'm just as new to it all as he is. Really I would like to talk to someone in the same situation as me to see how they handled things. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what's right. I do have two kids and he is learning to be a parent. I just don't want to be a burden on him like his family thinks. They think for some reason since he is sick that he shouldn't be married n stuff. They want to wish him happiness but I'm wondering what kind they're thinking because when they found out that we were finally gonna make it happen. Let's just say they weren't very happy and always talk down on me. His mom blamed me for him getting skinny and that's sad and not my fault. I clean house, I cook, I make sure he is taken care of. Most of the time, between kids and him, I don't get alot of time for myself or to even think about myself. I can't make him hold food down. He doesn't always have a problem holding food down. I don't know. Anyway, I don't want to sound selfish towards him or anything because that's the last thing he needs so I just don't bother trying to talk to him about the way I feel sometimes or what I need or anything. It came to the point where I let him notice and maybe I'm wrong for that. Idk. I can't wait to get a job. I have to wait til we move first though, but I'm thinking then I'll be better off. I was a single mom who was use to being single and independent. At this time it just kinda bugs me cause I don't have that at the moment. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Sarah - posted on 01/13/2015

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This marriage being doomed has nothing to do with you being a single parent, him being sick, you quitting your job, finances, home ownership, lack of parenting skills or where you live. You had no foundation on which to create a family. Marriage should not be considered lightly especially if you have kids. Why did you not court long distance and discuss all of these issues, before you moved across the nation?

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