Emma-Louise - posted on 04/19/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
I was in court yesterday, fighting my ex about our daughter, Jasmine.
Now, my daughter is 5 years old, and hasn't seen her biological father for 3 years. She has no idea who she is, and she calls my husband daddy. Well, my ex has suddenly decided after 3 years, that he wants to be a part of Jasmine's life. He has done nothing but let me down in the past, and I'm so scared for my daughter that he is just going to do the same again. He rang me just after her third birthday (he had been absent for a year at this point) and told me he wanted to see her. Both myself and my fiancé agreed to contact, even though it had been a while for Jasmine, and told my ex to ring back in a couple of days, and we would sort something out. He never rang me back. The next thing I hear from him is 6 months later, when he found out where we lived, and he turned up on our doorstep. Understandably, this time around, we were less receptive towards my ex. He threatened to turn up at my house on Christmas day, turn up at my wedding, and turn up at my daughters school while I was on my honeymoon. Due to this, I got a harassment warning set up against him. He has spread lies about my husband hitting me, which is so untrue its unreal. My husband is a beautiful, kind, caring and loving person. He is the man that Jasmine calls Daddy, he clothes her, puts food on my daughters plate and reads her stories. He is the one that picks her up when she falls. He loves her as his own, and they are both my whole world. Now, the plot thickens... The only reason my ex is trying for contact now, is because I decided enough was enough, and I went to the CSA. Well, my ex then tried to use my daughter as a bargaining tool. He told me that if I dropped everything with the CSA, he would allow me to legally change Jasmine's name to my married name, and he would leave us alone until Jasmine was older. He has a history of using drugs (cocaine and MDMA), and is very heavily tattooed (face and hands!!). Now, I have nothing against tattoos, I have them myself, but his are violent tattoos. A knife on his face with blood dripping from it, a bear on his neck with blood dripping from its fangs... These are not images a five year old should see.
The result from court yesterday, has granted him with a 12 month indirect contact order (where he can only send letters, gifts etc for a year). One letter a month for the first 6 months, the one every 2 weeks for the second 6 months.
Now, my daughter has no idea this man exists. She was so young when he left, and she doesn't remember him. How on earth am I supposed to explain to her that this man is going to be in her life and that my husband is not her biological Daddy? In my opinion my husband IS her daddy. It takes more for a man to be a dad that to just be there at conception, and my husband has fulfilled every responsibility, and more. Fact of the matter is, I have no idea how to explain all this to a loving 5 year old little girl, who is oblivious to everything. I have had nothing but let downs from my ex as far as Jasmine is concerned, and I'm so scared that he is going to do it again once he is in her life. My ex now has another child too, so Jasmine has a 1/2 sister (11 months old) which is going to make it even harder.
Please tell me someone has been in a similar situation, because I'm a lost cause here.
Thank you all so, so much. Emma. xxxx