Monica - posted on 11/13/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
I've been with my husband for 2 1/2 years, married for one. We are both 25 years old and have children from previous relationships. He has 2 boys 6,3 and I have a 5 yr old daughter who hasn't seen her dad in months and before that for almost 2 years. We just had a son together who's one month old.
Making a blended family work is harder than I thought. I strive to treat our children fairly and to show them all love. That isn't the case for my husband. We get his boys on the weekends and my daughter full time. On the weekends when my hubby gets home from work he will go say goodnight to the kids if they are already in bed or he will be the one to tuck them in. However during the week when he comes home he doesn't even say hi to my daughter or ask how school was, it's like she doesn't exist. He doesnt go say hi if she is already in bed or go tuck her in. If he gets home at 7 the first thing he will say to my daughter at 8 pm is, "hey isn't it your bedtime now" get to bed"
There is a huge distance between them that wasn't there before we got married. He used to be so loving and playful towards her. My daughter is very active like most kids, he makes comments all the time about her not being "normal" because she can't sit still or she is always moving around... It's not normal for 5 year old to sit still and be quiet, am I right? He also makes comments about her being half mixed race of Hispanic and its getting out of hand. She is a you g child, my child and I'm so tired of his unfair actions and comments.
When his boys are here he lets everything they do slide, yet she can do the same thing and he is furious and calls her out immediately.
When it's dinner time we ask the kids to focus on eating and not chatting or they will be at the table for an hour. When the boys are here he will say like "hey buddy time to eat your dinner" but when my daughter talks at the table when it's us 3 he has yelled at her to be quiet and eat!... The way he talks to his boys and my girl is very very different and I think she can tell. I do not want to be with someone who makes my daughter feel unwanted and unloved because she deserves better!
At times I feel like he truly doesn't like her, yet he says he loves her. He is always on edge and short with her and I do not understand why. I treat all of our children the same and love them all.
Please help with some advice. I've mentioned councling but he won't go. He is not sincere to my feeling and my love for my daughter. He has said before that if I think he isn't a good Enough step dad or if I feel he treats her badly to go and find someone else.