I would like to prove paterninty but I dont want him to have rights.

Charlie - posted on 04/21/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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If I put his name on the certificate, I know it will be a fight. I would like to prove paternity of this baby but I dont want to give him any rights. He is an addict and abusive. I have paper work and police reports to prove this. He isnt safe for my children or me. I would like his name on the certificate because my oldest doesnt have his dads name on his and there are lots and lots of questions. What do I do?

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Sarah - posted on 04/22/2012

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Putting him on the birth certificate doesn't give him rights, he has those as the father. Leaving him off, he will still have rights to that child.

Lisa - posted on 04/22/2012

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You can request it charlie, bit if he says no you have to go to court. If you have police records of his convictions or police reports of abuse to you chances are they will deny his claims. But if you don't then you don't have much recourse.

Mary Renee - posted on 04/22/2012

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The name does not garuntee rights unless paternity is also proven through a blood test, the reason being that a baby born to its mother OBVIOUSLY belongs to the mother, but not the father unless a blood tests is done.



You have to ask yourself exactly what kind of situation you want to be in. If you want to prove paternity in order to get child support from him then it isn't really right for you to declare "I don't want to give him any rights." To be fair, he is the child's father. And when you slept with someone that was an abusive addict that was a risk that you took. And that child is his just as much as it's yours. If you bad talk and deny the child a relationship with his father, then your child is going to resent you because he/she is going to grow up KNOWING that that's half of his genes. It's not a good situation, no matter how "bad" the father is, he's still your child's father, and your child is still going to have questions and feelings about him somewhere down the line.



If there are police reports on record then I would suggest you file a petition for custody and when you do that, your lawyer will also simultaneously file an order to establish paternity. Given the police records of abuse and addiction, it shouldn't be too difficult to prove him to be an unfit parent and obtain custody.



HOWEVER, you can not refuse him ANY rights unless he voluntarily gives up his right.



The name on the birth certificate doesn't really matter. Look at Anna Nicole Smith. You can put any asshole on there. It's only when you establish paternity that it matters, and you have to establish paternity if you're looking for child support.

Lindsay - posted on 04/25/2012

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Just because his name isn't on the birth cert doesn't mean he isn't the father. If you have a few kids to different dads it makes it harder. Not sure on your situation, but it doesn't seem like the best one to be bringing kids into.
Your oldest who has the "who's my dad" thing going on, just tell him why. Be honest. Kids respect true honesty and know when they are being lied to which may be why he is continuing to ask about it. Come clean and they will respect you for it.
You don't NEED a name on there. YOU are the parent. YOU are the provider.
I wish my "dad" wasn't on my birth cert.

Heather - posted on 04/23/2012

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Go see a lawyer! every state is different, and a lawyer will be able to tell you the laws of your state. most lawyers do at least a 30 min consult for FREE!!!!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

31 Comments

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Denise - posted on 12/21/2012

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The best thing is to hire an attorney and have them give you advice on the law and how to protect your child. There are things that can be done to keep your child safe but only an attorney can help you.

Kristy - posted on 05/01/2012

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In Alberta the baby's dad must sign the registration papers ( given to u in hospital at the time of delivery) in order to be included in the legal documents. From there, you apply for a birth certificate at any registries building which will be mailed to u for a fee.

The birth certificate and registration is not the same as financial support or visitation rights which go through family courts.

Pamela - posted on 04/26/2012

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So don't put his name on the birth certificate.......but don't expect him to support the baby if you don't want to acknowledge his paternity.

Why would you want his name on the certificate if he is addicted and abusive? Who is asking the questions and why? The only real reason, in this kind of situation, to have the name of an absent father would be for medical reasons in terms of the father's family medical background. If you know his family medical history....i.e. diabetes,cancer, heart attacks, etc. then you keep that information and provide it to your child as he gets older.

Perhaps, since the older child doesn't have the father's name on the certificate you should consider why you are making the kinds of choices you are making where male relationships are concerned. You can keep repeating this pattern or change it by changing yourself and your choices. The best to you!

Zee's - posted on 04/24/2012

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You can't have it both ways. I'm sorry. yes, you can take him to court and have his rights REVOKED, but that's a long, arduous process and courts don't like to do it and typically the only way they will is if support is terminated.

My sister left the father's name off her baby's certificate and there have been no problems - although she gets support and he does get rights. I truly wish I had told my ex that I wasn't expecting, broke up with him and went on. Yes, his rights were revoked when my son was 3, but it was arduous, painful process.

So you need to think - how bad do you want this man out of your life and out of your baby's life?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/24/2012

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If you are never going to ask him for child support, you can just leave his name off and have him come to you when he is ready to see the kids. Otherwise, you will have no choice but to do it legally.

Deb - posted on 04/24/2012

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I'm sorry for your struggle, It stinks when we have to learn our lessons the hard way. sounds like you're doing the best you can. Continue to pray for wisdom and wise decisions, and God will direct your path.

Charlie - posted on 04/24/2012

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Thanks Everyone.

I am in Alberta Canada.

I have spoken to a lawyer and yes i can put his name down but then paternity has to be proven witch will and can take months in court in witch he has to back off. Or I can leave his name and pray he doesnt come looking for rights in witch he has to prove paternity and again, months in court. Either way, its months in court. No there is no history of him hurting his other two children but there is history of him hurting my son and once taking him to a drug house witch I found out later. There is history of his drug use and abuse to me. I would perfer he stay away.

I am thinking of leaving his name off and waiting for him to take me to prove paternity.

His family is involved but only to harrase and further abuse me. I have had to delete my old email account, change my number and move. His aunt and mother are childish and pathetic and wont let it go. clames are made that I am faking to keep him in my life witch make me laugh, I went running to a womans shelter, but ok. Or that Im not pregnant and its just gas (witch leaves me with the question how do fake 29 weeks now?)

Much to say, I know I would be better off with them far behind us, as reality stands tho, they wont let go and I can expect to end up in court. Child support is a non issue, I paid it for his other two kids so I wont expect any for mine. Its visitation and if he was drug free, and it was in a supervised public place, I would question but let it happen. But if I can avoid the phycotics of it all period I will.

So Im not putting his name down, Im keeping my documents, Im keeping eveything and I just have to wait till he comes.

Deb - posted on 04/24/2012

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I agree with Heather! GO SEE A LAWYER. You'll never know for sure what rights you have or what action plan is right for you and your situation without knowing your legal rights.

Aimee - posted on 04/24/2012

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I don't know if the laws differ from state to state but my sons father had to sign the birth certificate to be put on there. I couldn't just put him on there. And it doesn't atomatically give him rights to the child. He would have to take you to court for visitation,custody, etc. I just went thru this with my sons fathet after he was basically not in his life for the first 6 years. The judge was an ass. He gave him joint custody, every other weekend overnight visits and we have to alternate holidays. My friends ex even dropped dirty drug tests but it didn't matter. He got them out of town visits unsupervised everyother weekend. So think long and hard before u put him on anything or ask him for anything or than severing his rights. I tried that and he told me he would think about it. I never get my child support but he gets everything he wants. Sounds fair, right? Good luck to you! It a long and hard road.

CHRISTINE - posted on 04/23/2012

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Unfortunately, once you prove paternity you also open up the door to give him rights unless you can prove he would be a danger to the child. Any family court will tell you that child support and visitation are two different issues, but generally if a man if paying support he has the right to the child for weekends, certain weekdays and holidays which is something to consider. Putting a man's name on a birth certificate does not make him want to be a father which is sad, but in this day and age true. You need to weigh the decision if it is monetary or just the name on the birth certificate and the other cans of worms that it will open with your decision. Is it for the child or for you? There are many good books out there you can get for your child when he is old enough to understand why your family is just the way it is, but one thing your children will know is that YOU were the parent who loved them nurtured them and raised them with or without that second name on the birth certificate. Good luck.

Alexandra - posted on 04/23/2012

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i agree with Lisa. Leaglly, that's what it is.
If he is abusive then of course it is imperative for him not to see your child. Court will determine that.

Melissa - posted on 04/23/2012

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I am speaking to putting a man's name on a birth certificate yourself. You have to prove paternity unless you are married. After paternity is proved, then you move forward with what type of custody is best for the child.

Amanda - posted on 04/23/2012

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Wat state do you live in? Theres mother states if ur not married to him you have full legal and phisical custody and that means u can get phaternity and put him on he still has no rights u make the choices and police will back u up look to see if where u live is on I know michigan is...

Melissa - posted on 04/23/2012

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I don't know what state you live in but...you can't just go ahead and put anyones name on a birth certif. Unless you are married. If you are not married the man must sign his own name. You have to prove paternity. You should go file the appropriate paperwork at family court and at that time, have your police reports and things in hand. You need to justify why you don't think he is able to be a functional parent. Also, request a drug test while at court. Also, think about if this is really a can of worms that you want to open. I understand kids having questions but we as parents know what is best. The way you describe this guy, it doesn't sound like child support is an option. Are the father's family involved in anyway? It's sounds like the father is living a dangerous life. Prove paternity just in case, God forbid something happens to the father, your child will be able to collect SSI.

Barbara - posted on 04/23/2012

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If he is not someone you want in your life and he is not interested in the child why bother with putting him on the birth certificate. You can talk to the child when he is old enough to understand. If you have already had trouble with him let sleeping dogs lay so to speak. He is your child and that is all that really matters. It is not like he will be the only child without a Dad. He still won't have a Dad if he doesn't want to be in his life. If he does let him make a move to do the legal stuff. From what you are saying he very likely won't and your child and yourself will be better off without him in your life...

Karleen - posted on 04/23/2012

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You may want to set things up with a lawyer first and be ready if the child is his. You'll ready for the next step. Most likely he'll get supervised vistation and will be responsible for child support. In time keep in mind he may get vistation with supervision regardless of past abuse to you. If he was never hurt the child it is different. FYI

Anita - posted on 04/23/2012

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You need to seek advice from a lawyer in your area, they have free counsels, because good bad or indifferent it is extremely difficult to prove a parent unfit in the state of Michigan.

Amanda - posted on 04/23/2012

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If he is truly abusive and an addict... you can prove that in court. Sometimes people are different with their kids though, yet sometimes they are not.

Charlie - posted on 04/22/2012

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I would have no problem with public supervised visits. I would have no problem with sharing happy information about her father when she asks. I would never tell her the awlful truth of who he is unless it was needed and I dont see a reason. but I was warned that he and his family weather or not wanting this baby would come after me just as spite. I saw it with the other two. And speaking to the other mother the things he did to my son, altho not as bad, he still did to his too.

I dont want to sound like a selfish b*&^% going after child support. I can live without it. But if one day she asks, or if god fobid Im not around, there is something for her to find him. If medical reasons come up, there is paper work that could posably save her life. I know having sex with a scum bag was my fault and she didnt ask for this, but to be fair, in the last few years, sex was not concentual, my financial fredom and my fredom was stripped away aswell.

I know that no matter what happends, Im going to end up in court, weather i claim I dont know who the dad is or i put him down. I was warned about this. I just would like to know what I can do to protect my child. We live in Alberta, can I get him to give up perental rights?

Can I keep it so he has to have public supervised visits with her, can I protect her from him and his family. Thats what I need to know.

Dove - posted on 04/22/2012

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If he's the father, he has rights. Even if he's not on the birth certificate, if he wants to and does prove paternity, he has rights. Unless he voluntarily gives up his rights (some places actually don't allow this) or the court removes his rights, he has rights.



Be prepared for a court fight. Hopefully with the documentation you have he will only be granted supervised access unless/until he can prove himself fit, but please remember that YOU chose to have sex with this man and that sex resulted in a child. You shouldn't strip your child of all relationship with his or her father simply because you chose a scumbag.

Lisa - posted on 04/22/2012

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If you have his name on it he will then be granted rights charlie. If you can prove he is a danger to your children then his visitation would be supervised of course, and if really bad not allowed until he gets cleaned up.

Charlie - posted on 04/22/2012

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In Jan he was arrested for domestic assult on me infront of my son. For 3 years prior he was known to police for drug use. In Feb I flead to a womans shelter for abused women. Child services is awear of what was going on, I have police documents and Ive kept emails and texts since Ive left of harrasement. He is a bad man. I dont have any support from his family because they are mad they have to clean up his mess once again. I know Im being selfish by wanting to prove paternity. If I could have it so he would just sign his rights away I would but I know he would fight just to spite me. I dont care about support, it would be nice, but I know he wouldnt pay it, he doesnt pay for his other two. He has said over and over he didnt want this baby and tried to force an abortion on me, when that didnt work, he tried to beat it out of me. I am prepared to fight, but I want to know if I can have his name on the cirtificate and still protect my children from this drug user.

[deleted account]

Prepre to fight then. If he is the baby's father then he should be listed as such. If the courts find him to be an unfit parent due to the abuse and addiction then you will seek the protection you need for the child. Denying the guy as a parent makes you look selfish even though I do understand that you want to protect your baby. You may even find some support from his side if the family. But by blanketly stating you just want to prove paternity and that's it is selfish. Once the child is old enough to learn he was possibly deceived he may end up resenting you. Good luck in whatever you decide.

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