If both parents have equal rights, then, why, is it up to me to sort out everyhing? He does not attend parents evening, he, does not even know Archies teachers, doctors, dentists name. he fits Archie in according to his and his wifes schedule/ He organises visits with our 9 yr old Son, he will not pay money into an account? Absolutley crazy, he has the same rights, as for the wife, what is her role, apart from upsetting my Son!! I will give her, her due, she makes dinner for Archie when he visits, (never overnight). The wife will take her dinner and Archie's Dads dinner out, but makes Archie get his own??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 03/27/2015

8,006

7

918

Tracy,

Jodi and Shawnn and I have been posting here for years (those two longer than I have posted) and I call them friends. We all have posted on a lot of the same questions over the time I have been here. I can say that neither of them sit on their bums all day long going over things online. Jodi has a job and teaches. Shawnn is a mother and takes care of her family and does other things as well. I work in retail and have also worked with kids in child care/preschools. They did not lightly give you advice that you are now throwing back in their faces. They do not bully people here. No one attacked you and no one called you out on anything except that you need to take a proactive stance on the issues involving your child. Going to court is not willy-nilly like you say it is unless its people suing each other over things. Child support, custody, and visitation are family court issues that usually take place in a hearing rather than a full court room of observers. Usually its only the judge, the lawyers and their clients and the witnesses if any that need to be there. The judge decides what is in the best interest of the child at that point and rules on it. Those court orders as has been said sets everyone up for their responsiblities and gives the child what he or she needs.

I just hope that you take the time to take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize people are just trying to help you.

Jackalope - posted on 03/27/2015

78

0

5

Wow... This lady (I'm using the term loosely) needs to get off her high horse and grow the heck up.

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

3,562

36

3907

Here you go Tracy - some information to help you solve at least one of your issues.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview

This conversation has been closed to further comments

27 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

3,562

36

3907

"Whats your job.. Sitting on your arse 27,000 posts?"

Just so you know, I used to be admin here for a long while while I was SAHM and running an at home business after my daughter was born. It isn't hard to get 27,000 posts when you are an admin. I quit when I went back to work and just couldn't spend the time here and couldn't be bothered with the trolls any more. Not that you deserve the explanation after you decided to continually insult me, but just thought I'd clarify for the people here who aren't being total asses.

And I will also just add - there is no shame in NOT having a job and being a SAHM if that choice is what works for your family, so using it as insult is narrow minded and judgemental in itself.

Finally....it is Saturday morning here. I don't need to be at work, my husband has left for work, my 10 year old is capable of making her own breakfast and carrying it to the table, and my 17 year old has already left for his interstate football match with his friends. Our 22 year old lives in her own apartment - so I'm pretty sure she's not expecting me to be there for her this morning. Our 15 year old is with his bio mother, but if he was here, he'd likely still be asleep. I'm sure none of them feel neglected.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

Again, Ms. Goodheart, I reiterate: PUBLIC, INTERNATIONAL FORUM.

No one needs an invite. You don't like the advice that you've been given in response to your post asking for advice? Fine! Don't heed it. No skin off of any of our noses.

[deleted account]

I hope he fucking leaves you. Claim to fame " My husband is with me after 25yrs"
He is probably scared of you..

[deleted account]

I have already done this.. Thank you.
He has been clever though, he put his business in his Mums name and just
pays himself a wage, so if I went to CSA, I would probably end up with less than I get now, plus they charge you to use the service

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

3,562

36

3907

Um...yes....you asked for advice on a public forum. So you did ask me for advice. You asked all of us for advice. I'm not sure what kind of advice you expected, but clearly it wasn't what you got.

I made no assumptions. I went by what you said and I ASKED questions. I was not in ANY way rude to you, I simply gave my opinion based on the information you gave us. No, you are right, I don't know your full story, I only know what you have told us....which is WHY I've asked questions (which you chose not to answer and that is your prerogative).

Of course your son has a choice, but "because I don't want to" is not an answer I would accept from my child. Which is why I am asking what his real reasons are. Sometimes as parents in a situation like this, it is actually our job to continue to encourage our boys to spend time with their fathers, and delve a little deeper into the reasons for their reluctance. I assure you, my son went through this stage too, where he didn't want to go to his father's house (a variety of reasons), and my role as his mother was to continue to encourage and nurture that relationship between he and his dad. As long as there is no abuse there, that was my job. My son is now 17, and that encouragement has paid off. While he doesn't see his dad much now because dad lives a distance away (his choice), he DOES have a good relationship with his father, his father's wife and his step-sister.

So before you shoot your mouth off, put your bitch boots on and start personally attacking people, maybe you should take a step back and actually consider that the advice given has come from experience, has come from a place of actually wanting to help you in both the short and long term, and was absolutely genuine in its delivery, and even if it isn't what you WANT to hear, may be what you need to consider.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

oh for fucks sake. US as in I'm referring to those of us who took the time out of our personal day to respond to your question, only to be kicked in the teeth.

FYI, MY KIDS aren't weapons. They don't need to be! Their father and I are STILL MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get it? I'M NOT DIVORCING HIM. However, I AM A STEP MOTHER. I can't stand bio mothers who think they own the children, which is how you're coming across.

Not to mention the fact that you've personally attacked a couple of US on this thread, despite the fact that we're trying to get you to understand that you're being a very petty person.

[deleted account]

Whats your job.. Sitting on your arse 27,000 posts?
I take it, your kids look after themselves, while Mummy is on line, being a know all.. Fuck all bully, jumping to conclusions,

Jackalope - posted on 03/27/2015

78

0

5

Then why did you post to this page if you weren't looking for advice? No one attacked you. They answered your question and you just didn't like the answer.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

Excuse me? You "didn't fucking ask for your advice"??? Really???

You posted a question on a PUBLIC, INTERNATIONAL FORUM. Your question is asking advice!

And what the fuck is this supposed to mean: "Shawn...Butt out..25yrs of putting up with your rude manner." I HAVEN'T KNOWN YOU FOR 25 YEARS, you've had this ONE interaction on this ONE board, and OF COURSE I only know part of the story, lady, because YOU didn't choose to elaborate until after you felt picked on.

[deleted account]

Whose "us" Shawn... Your a fucking bully the pair of you.. Go to court..
You sound like you use your children as weapons, in the UK, there are other things that can be done, before court.. Now I have things to do.. sad bitches

[deleted account]

I didn't fucking ask for your advice, who do you think you are? questioning me and making your own assumptions

Do you and your mates, sit by your computer all day, waiting to pounce?
He does not want to stay there, as he would rather be home and/also Jodi...He has a choice,
Shawn...Butt out..25yrs of putting up with your rude manner.. The way you all talk to people, is really aggressive, you know only part of the story.

Jackalope - posted on 03/27/2015

78

0

5

Having a child get their own food is completely normal, especially to a 9 year old. My kids have been doing it since the age of 3.

There's no need to be rude. Idk what your problem is, but you need to get over yourself and actually listen to the advice you asked for, without being a complete turd about it.

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

3,562

36

3907

"Jodi get a job"

What the actual fuck? Why do you have to be so rude? My advice was actually very genuine, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. It is probably what you NEED to hear.

And thanks for the sentiment, but I have a job. If I didn't, it really isn't any of your business anyway. And it really isn't a relevant comment to contribute positively to the conversation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

Tracy, Jodi's got a job. Get your facts straight. Jodi is a very patient instructor of children. She's also an experienced wife, mother, and parent to a child from a past relationship, so she DOES know what's going on...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

Going to court to get custody, visitation, and support legally set is not 'going to court willy-nilly'. It's being responsible adults and outlining each party's individual responsibilities and obligations. This creates more stability, rather than less.
Furthermore, to be quite honest, dad not attending parents evening, or knowing doctor's or dentists names, or teachers...that's quite common in the non custodial parent who is not the one actively interacting with these people. Its also common with married couples. My husband can't name any of my son's teachers except his History teacher, who has introduced himself to us in a different context. He calls me to find out the name of our doctor, dentist, etc...so it's really not uncommon!
So, Tracy, before you accuse US of not having our facts straight, remember...We can only comment based upon what YOU post. You posted that the wife makes dinner when he visits and then made a point of saying (never overnight). You didn't say "never overnight by Archie's choice". How am I supposed to read your mind from across the pond?

Jackalope - posted on 03/27/2015

78

0

5

In most countries, child custody is done through the courts. I have a couple of friends from the UK, and from Germany who have gone through custody battles. The courts decide what is best for the child, as they are an unbiased party. Child custody and visitation cases are not like suing someone, just so you don't get that thought into your head. Get a lawyer and figure out what you can do from there. Good luck.

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2015

3,562

36

3907

Tracy, you DID get responses from people who are in similar situations. None of us are really understanding why you are complaining about dad leaving all these things to you if he doesn't even have the kid overnight.

With regard to the food, your child just has to learn that things are done in a different way in different homes, and that your way isn't necessarily the ONLY right way to do things. Like Shawnn, my kids take their own plate of food from the kitchen. I set them up on the bench, I dish it all up, but they can add their own condiments and carry their own plates. If we have a meal where we serve from the table, the kids serve themselves too. You are complaining about something that is perfectly normal.

You also haven't indicated why you won't file for child support,, because unless you do, you can't complain that dad doesn't pay.

And you never answered what she does to make Archie upset, but if it is over stuff like this food thing, then Archie needs to toughen up a bit. Why won't he spend overnights there?

[deleted account]

Thank you for all your replies.
We all obviously parent differently and I bring the food to my child, just as all my family do.
He will not stay at his Dads house, so before you all jump the gun, maybe ask the question.
In England we do not take each other to court willy nilly, as it causes more issues for the child involved. Shawn.. get your facts right, I would never stop my Son from sleeping at his Dads, which he had done so from the age of 18mths old, it all changed when he got married,so subsequently for the last 4 years, he has not.
I was hoping to get reply's from people in a similar position,who would identify...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2015

13,264

21

2015

What do your court orders say? Because I have to agree with the rest here, you are not splitting custody if you never let the child have overnights with his father.

If you don't have court orders, get some.

The whole thing about both parents having EQUAL RIGHTS to parent means that both, equally, created that child, so both, equally have the right to request custody, visitation, and support.

In regards to the dinner deal (which, to be honest, your entire post is a bit confusing, but...) My husband and I have been married for 25 years, and are both the biological parents of our children. When I fix dinner, I serve my husband, and myself, and my kids serve themselves. They've been old enough to do so since they were 6 or so...so I don't see any problem with SM serving herself and her husband, and the boy serving himself. After all, it indicates that she sees he's capable of doing so.

Ev - posted on 03/27/2015

8,006

7

918

I have to agree with the other ladies. I do not understand what you are getting at. Do you have any orders from court in place at all is the question here. If not, get some.

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2015

4,203

8

3246

Equal rights is different to custody. Both parents have equal RIGHTS (it took both of you to create your child) but one parent can have custody over the other.
If you aren't happy with your custody/visitation agreement then you should get yourself a lawyer and go to court.

Jodi - posted on 03/26/2015

3,562

36

3907

If dad never has him overnight, how is he getting equal rights?

And if dad won't pay money into an account.....file for child support.

With regard to the doctor, dentist, teachers, etc, there are parents who are together and the father doesn't know these things. Do you include him in all that correspondence or just expect him to know. Maybe he feels like you do such a great job at it all, he just leaves it to you.

The wife? She doesn't have a role other than that she is married to dad and therefore has a right to a say about the rules in her home. How is it she is upsetting the child?

Finally, with regard to taking the dinner out - taking the dinner out where? To the table? Archie is 9. He can't take his own dinner out?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms