If you were going to kick your teenage child out of the house for something...would you warn them first?

Aba - posted on 09/17/2012 ( 19 moms have responded )

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like if they were behaving in a manner that you didn't like and thought their behaviour warranted getting kicked out of your home...would you warn your child first so that they could change their behaviour or would you just kick them out without their knowing it was coming to that?



and kicking them out on the streets.



and my child is 16.

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Roger - posted on 11/30/2013

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Young people take too much for granted these days. They feel they have the right to demand this and that from their parents. They actually are support by social workers to gang up against parents to get their requests heard and have their parents "told off" for being bad!

Depending on the reason, you SHOULD tell the teenager that if a change is not made ASAP then your only option is to kick them out officially. If you reach the point of doing that, call social services and advise them of the time and day you will kick the teenager out and then change the locks. Possibly contact the local police to request a restraining order to prevent the young person from returning, if there is a threat of physical violence from the youngster or a threat of vile lies that would get you into trouble.

There is no turning back after that point so consider your options before doing that. Society is messed up these days, with bad friends giving bad advice to youngsters to leave home or to demand more. No respect from teenagers. So if they feel they are better off away from home - show them the door and wish them luck!

Jodi - posted on 09/19/2012

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"Why is this question posted twice?"



Ugh, I hate that. I didn't see this one.....



Why the fuck are you kicking your 16 year old out? Who CARES how common or rare it is? I think the more important question is WHY are you asking this question? Are you thinking about kicking your kid out with no warning? Or did you already do it? It must be one or the other, or you wouldn't bother asking!

Dove - posted on 09/17/2012

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And how (op) does it help to just kick a kid out of the house for behavior that you don't even talk to them about? My job is to TEACH my kids how they should behave, so that the rest of the world can handle them when they are out of my house. I would no more kick a 16 year old out on the streets than I would kick my 4 year old out of the house for his screaming fits (and trust me... he's so loud I've 'thought' of sticking him out on the porch before..lol).

Amidy - posted on 09/21/2012

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Unfortunately in my experience kicking kids out was, not common, but did happen alot more than it should have. When I was fifteen my mom left me with people I didn't know and never came back. They eventually put me in a group home full of kids, ranging in age from 7 to 17, that were kicked out. The 7 year was there for throwing a pine cone at her mother. Other kids were there for beating up their parents, stealing, selling drugs or just not wanted anymore. I ended up in a foster home with other kids that were put in the system by their parents who just couldn't handle them any more. After a while I was put in a girls dorm that focused on teaching Independence and life skills so we could eventually be emancipated. Everyone there was kicked out by there parents. Usually the parents were alcoholics or drug addicts and just couldn't deal with their kids anymore. A couple girls were kicked out because they got pregnant.



Some of them were warned but most were not. It is the worst thing you could do to a child. I doesn't help straighten them out at all. I makes it worse and could potentially ruin the rest of their life. If you are thinking about doing this I beg you, please reconsider. There are other ways!

Ann Marie - posted on 09/19/2012

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I honestly think you should just close this conversation because the answer is No, its not ok.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

19 Comments

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2012

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It would be nice to have a response, Aba. You're skating around like you want someone to tell you that kicking your kid out of the house without warning is OK.

Dove - posted on 09/19/2012

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Why do you keep asking this question without answering any of OUR questions?

Amy - posted on 09/19/2012

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Aba why are you skating around the questions that the other moms are asking. I would say it's not common for a parent to kick a child out at the age of 16. I would say that it's even more rare that a parent would kick a 16 year old out without even giving them a warning that they are going to be kicked out. As another mom stated you are responsible for you kid in most places till the age of 18 and if you are not providing necessities like SHELTER and FOOD then you could probably be charged.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2012

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Oh and, besides that, the kids that I mentioned in my other posts (the ones that stayed with me) were incidents that occurred over 30 years ago...

Gwen - posted on 09/19/2012

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Why is this question posted twice? There are responses under this one, too:



"Is it common, or relatively rare for parents to kick their child out onto the streets for behaviour they don't like without warning the c... "

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2012

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Aba, what's your point here?



I've stated that it's wrong. Its an avoidance of the situation, and, in my opinion a chickenshit way to deal with your kids. None of my current acquaintances would ever consider the option, nor would I think that it would be a common thing. (partly because you are legally responsible for your kid until they turn 18, so kicking them out without warning could be considered neglect and abuse)



My kids have gotten on my nerves at times, but NEVER would I put them out without 1) a warning, 2) making alternative arrangements for their care, and 3) trying to work towards a solution before trying option #2.



So, I ask again, what's your point here? Do you have a teen who's behaviour is so abysmal that you would actually kick them out of your home without warning? Or are there other reasons behind your questions?

Aba - posted on 09/18/2012

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Shawn,



Is it common, or relatively rare for parents to kick their child out onto the streets for behaviour they don't like without warning the child that it's coming to that?



In your experience/to your knowledge?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/18/2012

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So, Aba, what are you trying to solve by kicking your kid out without any explanation or attempt to rectify the situation? What is so darned unacceptable that you can't communicate and try to reach a solution?



Or did this happen to a friend of your kids?

Ann Marie - posted on 09/17/2012

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I dont think that it would be positive at all for the child to be dismissed from their home. That's a place of safety and you are stripping them of that. If their behavior isnt good, then what message does kicking them out tell them? Its going to cause even more problems and damage your relationship together. There are less extreme ways of getting your child to understand how serious you feel. Find the culprit for the bad behavior and make changes from there. Sometimes the child just wants to be heard.



16 or even 18years old is such a young age to send your child packing without any path to go on.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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No, Aba, which is why it was incredibly poor form. If you cannot talk to your kids, explain why their behaviour is so darned unacceptable, and try to work out a solution, then you should at the very least turn them over to someone who cares enough to do so.

Aba - posted on 09/17/2012

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Shawn,



did your friend's parents warn them at all? like 'if you do that again you're out' kind of thing?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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Yeah, wouldn't happen in my house either, Dove. But, I know some parents who have, leaving that poor kid to be confused, angry, and homeless...I had a couple of friends while I was in school that ended up staying with me because their parents kicked them out, rather than explain what was going on and trying to work out a solution. Poor form, in my opinion.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2012

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I wouldn't kick a 16 year old out of my house....



If his/her behavior was such that I couldn't handle it then I would find a group home or something (I know of at least one here... my stepsister lived there for a while) for them to go into.



It is legally my responsibility to take care of my children until they are 18 or find somewhere that they CAN be taken care of without me.... and it's morally my responsibility to care for them until they can care for themselves (and my responsibility to prepare them for that task). Kicking a 16 year old out on the streets wouldn't happen in this house. Period.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/17/2012

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IMHO, it would be totally unfair, not to mention over the top bitchy to kick them out without explaining to them what their behaviour is causing, and giving them a chance to rectify the situation. ESPECIALLY a 16 yo.



How can you expect anything to change if you won't explain to them what you perceive the problem to be?



But, hey, if you feel that you absolutely can't live with your child any more, then by all means, put them out. Just at least give them a chance to pack and find a place that will take them in.

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