Illegitimate child

Aranda - posted on 10/19/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I recently found out that it's a possibility that my husband may have another child. We have been together 22 yrs with the exception of 1 year. He dealt with a lady within that year. She reached out to my husband and told him her son may be his. The child is now 17 yrs old. My husband didn't come and tell me and but o found out. Although she kept it a secret from my husband I am still so hurt about the situation. I'm hurt that he didn't come to me. My mind has been all over the place. I love my husband and want to work this out but I really feel like I can't accept this. My husband said he didn't tell me because he was scared and didn't want to mess up what we had. We have 3 boys of our own. I don't want to have to bring someone else into our family. I don't want my husband to have any dealings with this other lady or her child. The kid is BAD! He is in a gang and smokes weed and drinks. I don't want that influence on my children. I have been so happy and content with my husband and our family that this has just turn my world upside down. Has anyone dealt with this and became happy again? How did you do it? Please help cause I'm drowning here in my emotions.

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Ev - posted on 10/20/2016

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There is not much you can really say or do at this point but prepare for the fact he could be the son of your husband. Until such a thing is made true, just prepare for a new addition to your life and your son's. This boy, no matter what he is doing right now, is your kids' half brother possibly. Would you deny them a chance tto know they kin? And maybe being around your family could have a potential positive affectt as well?

Michelle - posted on 10/20/2016

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I can see your husband wants to help this young man and that's great.
Without knowing what his upbringing has been like it's hard for us to comment.
I did say to go to counseling for yourself, you don't have to go with your husband.

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Aranda - posted on 10/19/2016

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My husband have stated that he would like for him to come on visitations and spend time with him and our kids. Without me l! He that this should not affect me at all because it is his situation and not mine that it won't change anything.

Aranda - posted on 10/19/2016

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The child has had a father in his life for 17 yrs. He has grown up believing this man is his father. Would you ladies really open your doors so easily with the possibility of influence on your other children. I feel sorry for the young man, my husband, and even his mother. My husaband have even said if the young man isn't his that he would like to enter him or build some sort of relationship. I don't disagree because that the kind of man my husband is. He coaches and mentor young men everyday but he don't bring them home. I do realize I will have to accept it at some point if it is his child. But what I'm asking is have you been thru this situation and how did you handle it. Counseling have been suggested and turned down by my husband. I even asked if would like to speak to our spiritual leader and he disagreed. Because of the stress that it has brought on my husband as well I thought it was a great idea.

Michelle - posted on 10/19/2016

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If the child is your husbands then you will have to accept it.
Counseling would be good, even if you just go to have someone to talk to about how you are feeling.
The child is almost an adult now, it's not as if your husband will be having visitation etc. Maybe having a Father around could get the child back on track and get him out of the gang. Who knows what will happen but what's done is done and you have to find a way to make the best out of the situation.

Aranda - posted on 10/19/2016

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He found out a month ago also. We talked to the lady last night to set up a DNA test. I want it done yesterday but I'm stepping back and trying to allow him to handle it as he see fit and just trying to be supportive but it's killing me. I have put my feeling aside because he is emotional about this whole thing as well.

Dove - posted on 10/19/2016

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First thing is that he needs to do a DNA test to find out if the child really is his or not. 'Might' be his doesn't mean IS his. Did he find out 17 years ago that this boy might be his... or did he find that out recently? Either way... your family is in need of some counseling if there is any chance at all of healing from this situation.

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