Im 7 months pregnant and not with the babys dad

Candice - posted on 03/28/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am currently almost 7 months pregnant and I am so confused. To give u some history: I was with my boyfriend (David) of 8 years at the time and we broke up so i ended up hooking up with this guy i was great friends with for about 2 years (Danny). He already has 2 kids with another girl but has not been with her for about 3 years now. After a year, i got sick of his lying and cheating and left him and got back with my ex of 8 years. 1 month later i found out im 8 weeks pregnant by the Danny. I decided to call Danny and tell him. He totally blew me off and told me he couldnt be the dad and denied my baby up until i was about 5 months. Meanwhile i ended up telling David my boyfriend of 8 years i was pregnant by Danny. He was furious and cried and didnt want to anything to do with me but soon forgave me and we are still together. Awkward but true. He doesnt seem to excited about the baby but he doesnt fight with me anymore about it. Hes kind of just dealing with it.. As for Danny, he doesnt want to be with me. Hes a hooked on drugs and parties way too much. Everytime i try to work things out with him and go to his house, i leave in tears because i would find other womens panties or condom wrappers in his room or bathroom. He would say they just hook ups and nothing serious. I constantly fight with him because these girls are taking up MY TIME and i dont have the real dad to share this with. He tells me he loves me, but then he says he cant deal with me right now. I didnt talk to him for all of February and when i went back to his house, i found a love poem from another girl and again i left in tears and when i confront him he gets mad and doesnt check on me for about 2 weeks at a time and hasnt gone to not one doctors apt not even to find out the sex which when he said no, it broke my heart so bad. I've cried over Danny because i cant believe hes putting me through this. We were so in love and then what happened?! David (8 years) has stuck by my side the whole time and i am so thankful for him. Even though he is absent in the sense of talking about the baby and babyshower, all the cute stuff; he is still with me and loves me no matter what. im confused about when i have the baby, who should i have in the delivery room? and dont even think im gonna give my son his fathers last name the way things are looking. I need some advise. Does Danny even deserve to see his son born? Hes just so busy with his stupid lifestyle and doesnt grow up. I feel like i hate him and im so hurt and sad. Hes making my pregnancy turn so sour. All i do is cry now. Help


[deleted account]

Danny doesn't sound like he WANTS to be there, so why would you even consider it? Sperm doesn't make a dad. Love does.

David may love you, but does/will he love and accept this baby and treat him/her as his own? If not.... it will never work between the 2 of you.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say.

Zoila - posted on 03/28/2011




Candice, you are the one that have to grow with this experience, you are the one that want to decide today if you like to cry after a man that doenst care about your tears or you want to share your hapinnes with someone that cares about you. You are lucky to have someone that cares, a lot of women go through this situation alone and have to deal with it... as you have do. Time heals wounds... so now focus on a baby that will make you smile, cry, laugh, and be sure also will give you bad times BUT the difference is that this baby worth it... I cry a lot during my pregnancy but the day i had my boy in my arms i knew that all was worth it... leave the hurt young lady for a while and begin to think like the adult woman your baby and also David need. other advise, practice to control yourself to avoid hurting yourself, we are so good digging in the wound to make it hurt more.... smile ALL PASS... good and bad times pass... nothing last for ever... so this bad time will be a sad memory but please try to begin to turn it in past from now and dont aloud it to control your life...

Medic - posted on 03/28/2011




I have to agree with the other moms, sperm by no means makes a daddy. My oldest is from my exhusband who decided that drugs were more important than me and his son. My ex then preceded to play games and sometimes show up sometimes not and I told him to step up or step out and he decided to step out. My current husband is all my son has known since 7 months and has just recently adopted my son legally and at 4 my son was happy to take part. We now have a daughter and to my husband we are complete because he has his boy, the means by which he has them don't matter because he is his, and we have our daughter.


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Jennifer - posted on 03/28/2011




First of all, like the othes said, it sounds like the Danny guy doesn't want to be there, so don't force the issue. Secondly, labor is hard and stressful work. You need someone there who will support you and not cause you even more stress at that moment. Lastly, father's don't have a chance to bond with a baby while he's still in the womb like mothers do. So, it's even harder for David to know how much he will love a child he's never met, and knows isn't his biologically. Once he has a chance to hold the baby and bond, he will probably come around and be more accepting. You have to imagine, that he is probably incredibly confused also. Just like Teresa said, sperm doesn't make a father, love does. I have 4 children, two from my first marriage, and two with my current husband. My first husband was a drug addict and could care less about the kids. My current husband, stepped up and adopted both of them. All 4 of my kids are with a real father, even if some of them aren't his biologically his.

Barb - posted on 03/28/2011




From what you have written in your post. Let's make something clear. The actions of David are Love. The actions of Danny are Lust.

At this point in your life all you can control is you. You cannot control Danny's actions. You cannot make him want to be the father of this child and his actions that you have posted sure aren't encouraging to the point of him wanting any part of being in this child's life.

I say you owe more to your child than you do this Danny dork. You decide to be a good mom, and let Danny decide what kind of parent he's going to be. I bet he will decide it's not worth his time or effort. You won't get that choice and i bet David will pick up Danny's slack.

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