im a recently married young woman with a son thats 32months old. im a stay at home mom. my parents live 6hours away. but my mother in law lives 6mins away. my husband has two kids frm a previous relationship, a boy 9 and gal 6. he has not seen them in ages. and even tho we have been to court for visitations ,his ex does not stick to the parenting plan. its been a constant battle, for 4years. she always makes up random storys. one which hurt me tremendously was that i wuld poison the kids. my mother in law backs up all that which the ex says regardless of the impact it has on all 3kids. my son is growing up not having any contact with my husbands family or his brother and sister. my mil prefers to spend time with the ex than to pop in my us. she was not even present at our wedding. and blames my husband for the choice which she made. wat can i do to build a relationship with my mil. i dnt wnt her to cut ties with hubbys x, i jus wnt to let her knw hw certain things hav hurt me bt i do not knw hw to do that. my husband stopped goin to his mother and nw wants to stop fighting for access to his kids. i feel bad for their sake as i knw they 2 miss him and wna c him. so wat can we do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/09/2014

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Well, I'd have to say that MIL is choosing her friends, and who she wants to associate with. YOu can't change that.

However, perhaps if you'd indicate that you can communicate without speaking in 'text', and can have an adult conversation with her about her existing grandchild, start with that, in small steps.

If not, well, I'm sorry, but you cannot force a relationship.

As far as the ex's failure to meet court orders, that's a problem that your husband's attorney should already be pushing to address, frequently, until visitation orders are changed.

Cindy - posted on 12/11/2014

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The best thing to do would be for your husband to go to family court and address his issues with his ex not following the visitation rules. The fact is that if he wants to be involved in his children lives he should, and the ex will have a chance to tell all her crazy stories but without proof she won't be able to keep his children from him or keep them from interacting with you and your son.

As for the MIL best suggestion would be to write her a letter explaining your thoughts and feeling. Express that you would like to have a relationship with her for the sake of her son and your son, hope she reads it and reaches out to you. I feel with people like that you have to put the ball in their court and allow them to decide and be happy with either outcome.

Mommyof3amazingboys - posted on 12/09/2014

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Yes he needs to go back to court because the ex can get in trouble for not following the visitation. Women can be real B*tches. The grandmother obviously don't want to be a true grandparent and you know what... better off that way. You don't need fake in your life. Your husband needs to go back to court asap.

Ledia - posted on 12/09/2014

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I don't think I understand, so I have a couple questions....
First, why would you want to let your MIL know that she has done things to hurt you?
If she was intentionally doing those things to hurt you, you are just letting her know she succeeded. If she the hurt she caused was unintentional, and she seems to not like you, then you will just be giving her information on easy ways to hurt you.
I never tell anyone when something has hurt me--that exposes weakness and makes it easy for people to tear you apart.

Second, why does it matter what the ex says about you? I don't understand why her opinion matters to you?

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Meagan - posted on 12/11/2014

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Thank u to all who hav taken the time to reply. Im very grateful. Il giv the suggestions a try to the best of my ability.


Our court system sucks bigtime,as iv said it took four years to gt a parenting plan. We dnt hav a lawyer/attorney. So we wrking with a social worker ans that takes sooooooo mch time.

But we wony giv up.

I married my hubby And fell inlove with him regardless of his kids. I took that gamble, and nw iv jus gta make the best and most outa this situation. Thanx again. Mwah

Meagan - posted on 12/09/2014

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There r lots of other undelying factors aswel. His dad committed suicide years ago. And atil hasnt dealt with it or even mourned his dads death. Constantly iv gta hear bout the deep longing. And hw he hopes his kids dnt experience that pain. Wher r u frm? Im from cape town south africa. It literally took us four years to gt that parenting plan. I didnt wnt to go with him to appointments with childrens advocates or social workers as we were nt married. And i was tld by his mother and x, the kids hav nothing to do with me.

Meagan - posted on 12/09/2014

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They went to court, got the parenting plan. The kids were to come every other wknd. She then went to go and the social worker that handled the case and made up some soppy story. We got a call and the plan was "cancelled". Which iv come to learn cant b done. When hubby phones her she does not answer her phn. Wen the kids r by his mom that stays few mins away she does not notify him.

Ledia - posted on 12/09/2014

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If the MIL isn't aware of the pain she caused, why bring it up? You say you don't think she would do it intentionally, so why not just forget about it and move on?
Is doing something repeatedly that keeps hurting you? Without knowing exactly what she is doing that is hurting you, I don't think anyone will understand why you feel you need to bring it up with her. It's just going to make her feel bad if she did it on accident.

What the ex says about you in court doesn't matter to the court unless she can prove it is true with physical evidence. If she has no evidence, the judge cannot take what she says about you into consideration when making his or her decision concerning custody and visitation. You can't stop her from saying what she wants to, but unless it's true, and she can prove it, it doesn't matter to the court.

Meagan - posted on 12/09/2014

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What the ex saya bout me does not matter to me, but it matters at the childrens court. And id want to build a relationshio with mil for the sake of my husband our ain and his other two kids. I dnt think she is aware of the pain she has caused us. I dont think a mother wuld wna intentionally hurt her child. Thanx for responding:)

Salman - posted on 12/08/2014

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