Im a stay at home mum, my husband works and his money goes into his bank account, he pays all the bills and pays a certain amount for food for 4 of us we always run out of food after 2 weeks he does not allow me any money at all if i asked he says we don't have any, he never runs out of things he needs as he purchases them for himself but if i ask for parsonal items like toiletries he says no i never go out as i have no money for the bus and he will not allow me to go to the doctors when sick lately he said to me i cannot take my 4 year old either he keeps all money and bills secret i have no idea how much he earns or what he spends it on we have no physical relationship not even a kiss do i have grounds to leave for a better life or should i not be so ungreatful for what i have i don,t want my child to hate me for not having a father, recently letters have been comming in that hes not paying the bills either anyone have the same problem?


Robyn - posted on 10/26/2012




Your happiness matters here and it seems you are not happy one bit! I think you should sit down and think about everything, your relationship, the finances, your child, everything. Then when you know where you stand and how you feel and what you want out of this situation, talk to your husband. Try to have a very open conversation. Tell him exactly how you feel. See where he stands. If he is not willing to listen or to care about your concerns or needs, then there is a problem and you need to go from there and decide what you will do about it.


View replies by

Shimacker S - posted on 10/28/2012




Boo please get you a life. you are greatful and you and your child deserve way more. Don't sell yourself short enjoy life before it's to late and your baby will not hate you they will appreciate my mom stood up for herself.

Toni - posted on 10/26/2012




Hi Jen! I know EXACTLY how you feel! My hubby is the same way (except I can take my kids to the doctor because I got them on Medicaid since he has no insurance). I have stayed at home with our two boys for the past 5 years, the first 4 of which he went out and partied almost every night! He was out doing whatever he wanted while I was helping our son who has autism with his therapy every day... he's never given our boys a single bath, he's changed less diapers than I can count on one hand, and rarely has to pay for food since I had to get on food stamps to make sure my boys were fed! He watches dirty movies every day & NEVER touches or acknowledges me, then makes me feel stupid when I tell him I'm lonely! I keep coming up with the same questions for myself... Would I be with him if we didn't have our beautiful boys together? NO & Why am I staying in a relationship with someone that makes me feel worthless? I always tell myself that I'm willing to put off my happiness in order for my little guys to have both their parents, but for how long do I have to be miserable? Now my boys are in school for 3 hours a day, but we don't have the $240/month for them to go for 6 hours so that I can get a job! I am just beyond frustrated at this point! Also like your situation, we are late on the bills constantly! I take care of the amazing rented duplex *sarcasm* and our boys amazingly well, he should be just as good at provided for his family! I don't want to sound ungrateful either cuz I do think it is a blessing that I get to stay home and raise our sons, but at what cost? Our boys are happier since starting school, playing with other kids... when is it my turn to be happy? I just want to have an adult conversation with someone that doesn't make me feel beneath them! Wow, life is too short for this crap! Thanks for letting me vent... I hope we both have better days ahead of us!

Mary - posted on 10/25/2012




I think you have every right to leave. It sounds like he is very controlling. You are not ungrateful, you shouldn't have to go without food for weeks and you should be able to take your child or yourself to the doctor. That's wrong that he makes sure he has what he needs but won't let you buy anything. It sounds like your relationship is heading in a bad direction. This sounds like the start of those relationships that end with the man abusing the wife and/or child. You are his partner, not his doormat. Good luck and hope all turns out well for you and your child.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms