Samantha - posted on 12/05/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )
hi, i am a step mom to two teenage kids, we took them on full time over 6 years ago, but i have known them for 10+years now. however the older they get the more harder it is.
their mom only sees them everyother weekend from a friday to sunday and occasional school holidays. they get to do what they want and go to bed when they want when they are with her, however in our home there are certain rules such as for the lad he is 15 his bedtime is 10 and then lights off by 10.30 and the daughter who is 17 we ask that she leaves her phone out of her bedroom on the landing at 11 the latest as last year her college work suffered.
for the past 6-7 months she has started to lie to us all the time, and the son well he has a chip on his shoulders all the time, always has a answer and thinks more about what he looks like than anything else.
i have been helping our daughter to get a job here every weekend so she has lots of her own money, she finally got a job but took her 3 weeks for her to give her passport in and now its been a few months and they clearly are not going to call her to work. so i said well you have not shown me that you are mature enough to even call them, its not even about being mature she is just simply bone idle. She asked for her £20 pocket money and i told her that i had pre-warned her that if she doesnt sort it or even call i will stop her money, which i have now, so she is in a mood with me over it, the problem is her mom just transfers money into her bank accoutn so why should she bother to get a job when £30-40 a month keeps her going!
we sat down and spoke to them and it ended up their dad asking well whats going to make this household work? does she (me)have to move out is that what you want? they didnt say anything an then he asked again and clearly the silence said it all. he them moved onto saying that well as you can not respect her and can not get on with her (me) then you need to do your own thing, ie cook, wash your own clothes etc as she (me) is not your slave. the only time they warm to me is when i find out they want something from me.
so the household is in diastrates and none of them are talking to me, apart from hello. it is very upsetting and also im becoming bitter towards the situation as i really do not feel this will get better.
since we got enagaged in April 13 they have started this!!
we have moved into a beautiful home, given them more than waht the average kid would get, sky in their rooms, double and kingsize beds and always provide for them not matter what.
their mom has always played I CANT AFFORD in the past and now she clearly must see and i know they tell her what is going on in the house so she plays on this! one christmas she didnt buy them anything another she was not speaking to the son so didnt bother seeing him on christmas and the following year she went to Australia. so im thinking now if they continue to do this do i not bother with any christmas presents? she did it and they were not bothered!!
i am really lost as what i need to do!! there is no love there with them for me and they clearly do not care anymore, they are not exactly respectful to their dad so its not entirely me PLEASE HELP