Im at the end of my wits with my 11 year old son and im not sure where to go from here...

Jaime - posted on 04/26/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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ok so, my son has been very passive when it comes to consequences as long as I can remember. He is very smart..(he reads book series, hes great at computers, when other people speak with him, he always know what the right things to say are and almost always leaves them with the same impression of "he's very mature for his age"). So tell me why is it that at school, he doesnt listen when the teacher asks him to be quiet, he doesnt participate when the teacher hands out worksheets in class, he just kind of acts like he's working on them and when its time to turn the work in, he trashes it. then he has to redo all the missed assignments in order to even get a grade. he is always in trouble at school for not listening in class, for talking, for disrupting class, he sits at a desk by himself all year because the teacher says if he sits next to anyone, then he affects their learning too because he doesnt stop talking. At home, he constantly lies about anything and everything. for instance, this morning....he had spent the night at his grandmothers the night before, and when he came home he put his toothbrush on the counter in the kitchen instead of taking it straight to his bathroom. I happend to see it this morning untoughed. on the way to school, I asked "andreas did you brush your teeth this morning?" and his answere was "yup I did" i said " are you sure?" he goes "yeah I did! really!" , and when i told him about the toothbrush, he got all red and quiet. the boy gets caught everytime he lies. it was unnessesary to lie! im so tired of repeating everything over and over and over about how bad it is to lie, to not do your school work, to disrupt class! nothing works. I have taken his favorite thing away...for instance I took his PSP away and you know what? he acted like it was no big deal. as a matter of fact he didnt even ask me about it until about a month later! ive made him write sentences, even paragraphs, he hated that but he did it and of course didnt change...ive sat and had talks with him about how its affecting me, him, the family, but still didnt do anything different. i have yelled, that doesnt work, I even stripped his room of everything but his bed and that didnt affect him either!!!

the kid never has an attitude with me, never back talks, he always expresses how he's sorry but thing never seem to change.

I think I can hande everything but what brought me here this evening are the lies. I cant sleep my stomach always hurts, I am stressed out all day every day, I have chronich hypertension anyway, and the lies are hurting me. How can my 11 year old son lie to me so well, and so convincing and clearly not feel any guilt? what am I to do? dont know what to do Im scared of what kind of person he is going to evolve into if he is already so disconnected. No fear of what the consequences are or whohis lies hurt. im lost please help.

ehat do you ladies think of all this? is there anyone here with the same problem?

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Anna - posted on 04/26/2011

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That is a hard one. You poor mama. It sounds like you are trying and have tried everything with your son. Maybe it's time to seek outside help and get some family counselling. He may very well need one on one counselling to get to the bottom of what is bothering him berfore he does turn into a teenager and had to deal with all those hormones too. Is his dad on the scene? What does he think of his sons behaviour? I know that boys really need to have a good male role model in their lives, is your son involved in any sporting or clubs where he could gain some friendship and positive role models from?
I think by keeping at it, by respecting him, loving him and not giving up on him will leave its mark on him. But I really do think some counselling might help. They might know the right questions to ask to help him reconnect.
Good luck to you both :)

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