im not a mother, im a father with problems with the mother. she has to have dogs. she doesnt take care of them. i know its unsanitary to have piss and shit all over the house. she doesn't. care. dyfs has been there to investigate complaints about it. i have lost security deposits and have been sued because of it. i dont have custody but live with the mother and my daughter. the mothers mom shares custody. but i cant get her to step in to straighten things out. but im labeled the asshole when i open my mouth about getting rid of the dogs. i dont have time to deal with dogs. i don't want dogs. can a mother from this website please help me with an answer to my problem.
John - posted on 01/26/2013
I've tried. I've tried talking to her mother. Didn't work. Tried telling her i will call dyfs myself. Im told by her that i don't love our kid. So wanting our daughter to live in a clean house means i don't love her. I've been told to leave her. What about our kid? Does she get her education because her mom and grandmother never finished school. Does she continue to live in unsanitary conditions. The laws suck. I have not found a judge yet to listen to me. I need advice on how to keep my daughter safe. Everything i have tried doesnt work. I have estimated that is around 10,000 dollars in cleaning supplies, clothes, toys, security deposits, and law suites, and moving expenses because of these dogs. Please can someone give me sound advice on what to do.
Ariana - posted on 01/26/2013
Is there any way to keep the dogs outside some of the time? Can you get the dogs trained properly so they aren't peeing everywhere, or have someone come in the day to make sure they're let out or walked, or cleaned up after. You could get some highschool kid to clean up after them.
Have you tried sitting down with the mother (is she your wife? You said you lived with her) and calmly explain the situation. Maybe take her for lunch and talk to her about the issue with the dogs, in a calm manner. Tell her there have been complaints, there is pee/poo on the floors, and you feel like this is unhealthy and unsanitary for your daughter. What can be done to fix this issue? Ask her what she thinks should happen.
You have to try to get her to cooperate and understand there is, at least a minor issue involving the dogs. Maybe she could agree to clean up after them more, or hire a higshcool kid to come over during a lunch break every couple days to let the dogs out and clean up after them since she isn't. The main point is to try to see what ideas she has that could help the situation.
If she comes up with something viable try to write out what's been said (on both ends) so if you agree to clean up the first and third week of the month, and she agrees on the second and fourth week, write that out (not saying you're going to do it just an example). That way you'll both have the agreement written out so neither of you can forget your side of the bargain. People genuinely can't remember what they've said sometimes and will claim, I never said I would do that, or you might not remember everything you had said or what you expected. If it's written out there's no room for misunderstandings.
Also be specific, if it's 'clean up after them' what is cleaning up mean? Getting the dog hair out of everything? Just cleaning up pee and poo? Does it get cleaned as soon as it's seen? If you hire someone to come clean it up how often will it be done? Once a week? Three times a week? Be specific, you're idea of 'cleaning up' and hers may differ so being specific clears it up for all of you.
Ultimately you can't force them to get rid of the dogs. Either you'll have to clean up after them, convince them to, or hire someone else to do it.
I wish there was some magical answer to it but there isn't much else you can do.
You said you live with the mother are you two in a relationship? If so you might consider going to some form of couples councelling just to deal with this issue. Sometimes hearing things (even the exact same things you're probably saying) from an outsider person can push someone to realize your side of things and at least compromise.
Also if you're the father why don't you have any custody? Is there some way you can at least get joint custody or be one of the custodial parents? I don't quite understand that.
Hope some of this helps!
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms